Unintentionally Falling

chapter twenty-nine part one

Iris

The last thing I saw while leaving the football house was Aaron's body leaning onto the door frame effortlessly watching me. I don't think he could see my face through the tinted windows, especially at nightfall but it looked like he did.

It was a sort of nice end to the shit of a night I just had. Everything was a shitshow excluding my time with Aaron.

It seems lately I've been attracting shitshows to come my way like a moth to a burning flame. Seriously, you'd think I'd have a break to catch my breath and not have to deal with all this fuckery.

Zack.

I don't think we'll ever be friends again. I'm not trying to be dramatic and say never, but that's going to be it. I dropped his heart like a piece of glass, shattering it into a million pieces. I broke his heart. Why would I expect him two weeks later to be like, "Let's be friends again! Yay!"

No way in fucking hell that would happen.

I've never experienced heartbreak, but I'm pretty sure he would like to be alone right now.

The only time I've really ever had a heartbreak was maybe just maybe when Eveyln left.

Betrayal coursing through my veins when by the morning she was gone, a cut deep in my father's cheek from the plate she threw at him. She didn't even bother to say goodbye nor when she picked up the rest of her things.

Mateo went home later from the sleepover without mom even home, he missed the whole ordeal. I would give anything to go back in time to have a sleepover at Alexia's house snuggle up in sheets so I wouldn't have dropped my ice cream or had to hide upstairs while my 'mother' went fucking batshit downstairs.

That's just selfish thinking though, my father would've been left alone. He never cried in front of me during that day because he wanted to make sure I was okay. But I did hear him when he thought I was playing in my room. I heard the quiet sniffles behind closed doors. Or him working extra long hours.

He never left us alone, but he worked hard to pay for Mateo's music lessons and my needs. I hate Evelyn, she never paid attention to me the only time she did at all was when she pointed at what was wrong with me.

She hated the way I talk, the grades I got, the way I dressed, or which of the toys I played with. She hated that I'd play with miniature cars when I was younger with Mateo. Or how I chose volleyball over being a dancer.

"You'll get broad shoulders and look like a man. Why don't you choose a more feminine sport?" Those are the words she told me I was not even a teen or a tween at that point.

Not to mention her treatment of my father, always always hurting him in some sort of way emotionally or even that one time physically. By one time I mean the one time I saw. I wouldn't be surprised if she had done it before.

Am I like her?

I hope not, when Sienna said those words to me I gawked at it. I was like my mother? Surprise coursed through me at how she threw my past like that around. But now... was she right?

Did I hurt Zack emotionally? Did I hurt him because I wasn't able to respond to his feelings? Push him away?

That was like what my mom did to my dad. What Evelyn did to my dad.

"I love this song y'all," Crystal says, breaking me from my thoughts, at the song that the driver is currently playing.

"Never took you as a country type of girl..." Jadon replies from the front seat.