If only...

20.confusion

Mon POV÷

I opened my eyes heavy when I felt the sunlight bothering my eyes, I looked around me while I was still lying in bed to see if Sam was around, but she was not in the room and that didn't surprise me to be honest, I sighed and sat on the bed difficulty, My body was literally exhausted and And I could  barely feel my limbs, there was pain all over my body as if a rock had fallen on me, I looked at the nightstand next to me, my phone was there but this time there was no message like last time and to be honest I was disappointed because of that, I looked at the clock on my phone and there was time to catch up on the last lecture for the day.
going to university was the best thing I could do to escape from overthinking after everything happened yesterday, I just didn't want to think, yes  I knew I was wrong and stupid but I didn't want to confront myself with that fact.

I took a shower, got dressed and left  that cold room cursing myself for the pain, tiredness and shamelessness that I had caused to myself.
I was taking hasty steps towards the exit from that place because Being there made me feel disgusted with myself.

"Good morning "
someone said that so I turned around to see who was behind me. and she was the same woman from last time i was there, she respectfully bowed  and said:
"Your breakfast is ready, miss"
she said that while pointing with her hand to a table decorated with various dishes.

"Thank you but I have to go"
I said that and turned to make my way out

"That's lady Sam's orders, I can't disobey what she says so ... please"
The housekeeper said that which made me stop and turn to her, I don't want to cause trouble for her even though I felt that I couldn't bear another minute in that place.

I sighed and tried to do the right thing without causing trouble to anyone so I walked towards the table in annoyance.

" thank you"
the housekeeper said that and began to serve me at the table.

" tell me if you need anything miss"  The housekeeper said that and she stood aside, I started trying to eat, few bites and left the table after I thanked that woman then that she called someone and told him to be ready to take me wherever i wanted.

"there is no need for that"

"it is the orders miss"

  That housekeeper said that which made me accept without argument. minutes and i left that apartment after I thanked that woman and headed towards the elevator.

When I reached the ground floor and when the elevator opened, someone was waiting for me. It was the same man from the previous time. He saluted and bowed a little Out of respect, then pointed to the car that was parked in front of the building and asked me where I wanted to go.
I told him to drive me home, because I wanted to change my clothes before going to the university and  more than an hour I got home, I went up to my room directly and changed my clothes and went out to the university,  my father was not there because he was at work. 

At the university, I met Rose, who was waiting for me because i told her that I was coming for the last lecture of the day. It didn't take more than 15 minutes from my arrival and the last lecture started.
During the lecture, literally, i did not hear anything as my mind was trying to comprehend my foolishness and the cheapness of my dignity in addition to the fatigue and pain that I was feeling.

The lecture ended and Rose told me that she wanted to talk to me, so after we left the university and went to a simple restaurant to eat something & talk.
and yeah ...  I had not seen or glimpsed Sam at university and that's a good thing, My feelings and thoughts were in Chaos, I didn't know what I wanted or what i have to do. The girl that I love was a walking red flag and I don't have the power to resist it or turn away from her.