VIVIFICATION

25 This is me...

Part 25 This is me...

"Don't think, I'm a guy... I'm not... my story is different"

Arnav frowned. What he was supposed to say?

"My feelings are not about my body but about my heart... I never feel like a man but I always feel like a woman. Do you know how hard it is to live with the confusion of, whether you are a man or a woman? It's hell... I lived in it. I was confused when I liked to wear girls' wear... Wanted to be friends with girls... wanted to have long hair and studs... etc., etc., I was confused about why I feel so. My feelings killed me. I could not even talk to anyone about it because there was no one to understand my feelings but was ready to tease me... insult me. Frankly speaking, I was scared to talk about it... due to our social difficulties. You would have known what kind of RESPECT a man like me gets in society. So, I suppressed myself. I didn't even dare to share my condition with my parents. I cried sitting in the lonely dark rooms every day. I struggled like hell to hold the femininity that wanted to show up."

Arnav gulped down.

"Unaware of my real condition, my father fixed my marriage with Khushi. I tried to make them understand but they created a big scene. My mother blackmailed me emotionally pouring petrol on her and got my promise that I should not tell anyone about my difficulty. That was when Khushi met me and told me she was not interested in the marriage. I felt relieved. I thought she would stop the marriage but Khushi's mother also took the same weapon called emotional blackmail. I and Khushi were in the same critical stage. I knew the issue slipped from my hand. I wanted to tell Khushi about it but I was scared because I don't know how she would react to it. But, as I didn't expect, Khushi herself met me to tell me the truth that she could not accept anyone in your place because she didn't want to spoil my life as she was clear that she could not be a good wife to anyone other than you."

Arnav felt a tug in his heart. Of course, he should have...

"She told me about you. She was not ready to give your place to anyone. Without any choice left, I told her my problem to help her. I expected Khushi would tell her parents about me and stop the marriage but she didn't. She agreed to the marriage because she wanted to remain yours... always"

Arnav felt like choking. He knew how deep Khushi's love for him but he never imagined this.

"She was happy to marry me. According to the world, we are husband and wife. Our relationship is just for an eye wash. I'm a security guard for Khushi in this insecure society. For me, Khushi is no less than a goddess. She is saving me from the taunts showing up as my wife. We are just friends just like, Lavanya, Suganya... That's all"

Arnav was looking at him with an unbelievable stare.

"No one understood what I'm going through but Khushi did. She is the only person who understood my turmoil. She changed my name from Aman to Suman because it's a uni-gender name. She can also call me Sumi which sounds like a girl's name. I felt fulfilled whenever she calls me SUMI. She is the one who changed my hairstyle and attitude. You saw me wearing a saree in our house on Khushi's birthday. That's for my satisfaction. That's what makes me happy. That's what my feeling is"

"But, you are not seeming..."

Cutting him,

"It's because I'm trained..."

"Means...?"

"I don't want to show the REAL me to the world because this world knows only to insult people. It's not ready to understand other's feelings... just like, your mother... just like, mine and Khushi's parents. But, Khushi gave me full freedom to live my life... expose myself to how I want to be. She created a special world for me in which I can live with liberty. I can do anything... I can cook, I wear a saree... I can adorn myself with makeup... It may sound silly. I know you could not understand my feelings because you are BLESSED unlike me" Aman choked.

Arnav felt bad for Aman. What was his mistake in this? This was a punishment for the mistake he had never did. Of course, he never thought of such things before but being a man, he could feel the pain of Aman. This was HELL... Neither he could run nor he could open up.

"I came here to tell you something. Think, I'm your friend or brother..."

Cutting him,

"Tell me, SISTER" Arnav said.

Aman got stuck. Arnav smiled at him mildly. In no time, Aman strode to him and hugged Arnav. Though Arnav didn't expect that he tapped his back making himself up. He sensed Aman became emotional. Aman pulled himself from his hugs.

"We got to know what kind of life you are living. We know why you got married to your wife"

Arnav was silent.

"Yes, Khushi got to know everything when she came to your house"

"Did Khushi get to know that when she came to my house?" Arnav thought Khushi would have known about it when Manju shouted at Sheetal when Sheetal insulted him in a drunken state.

"She came to your house to drop your daughter home one day. That's where she got to know what kind of life you are leading with your wife, living in the SEPARATE room"

Arnav gulped down.

"I know you don't want to disturb Khushi because you are thinking she is married to me. That's why I came to clear your misconception. Get married to Khushi and live your life happily. Don't waste your life on a useless promise. It's enough of saving your Boss's daughter and his reputation. I know you too still love Khushi. Marry her... make her happy. She deserves happiness. Why are you living in hell? Just make the right decision, Bhai"

Arnav stood bewildered. Marrying Khushi? Like really?

"What about Khushi? Is not she upset with me?"

"It's because she could not forget you. Her anger will fly away if you marry her. And... after knowing your story, she was shaken... I don't think she is holding the same anger in her heart"

"What about you?" Arnav asked reading his expression.

"Me? Leave my story... Khushi taught me how to tackle this dirty society. I will manage. You don't have to worry about me. It's enough worrying about others. Think about you and your happiness... you to have a life that includes Khushi's life. I want you to be happy with Khushi"

"Does Khushi know your decision?"

Aman nodded no.

"I want to know your stand first..."

"Will you talk to her, or do you want me to talk?"

"Of course, you can talk to her... come to our home today evening"

"To your house?" Arnav asked unbelievably.

"Why? Do you have any problem?"

"Nope... but, Khushi"

"She is not so hard nut to crack... who else other than you know that?" Aman asked smiling.

Arnav smiled softly.

"She is going to melt like an ice cream, seeing you in our place"

Arnav's smile broadened.

"Don't let her know about my visit"

Arnav nodded ok.

"Let us surprise her"

Arnav again nodded ok.

"Bye..."

"Bye"

Aman walked to the door and stopped.

"One more thing... we already divorced..."

Arnav raised his brows.

"We applied for the divorce the very next day of our marriage... she didn't want to be someone's wife..."

Arnav didn't know whether he could smile in front of Aman or not.

Aman came out of the room smiling. Shyam saw him and got confused. Was not he Khushi's husband? Did he meet Arnav? But why? What was the purpose? Was anything there he could concentrate on? Shyam wanted to call Sheetal but he stopped. What if this was not important? Why should he make that mad woman tense? Before knowing the complete picture, it was not a good idea to tell Sheetal about it. Shyam changed his mind.

To be continued...