Music in a bottle (Completed)

28. The failed proposal

***Kaye's POV***

The whole day passed and we didn't talk after I proposed my undying love for her which she failed to reply. I kept stealing a few moments of glancing at her, just trying to make her remember that I'm still here, literally. I don't know if she is way too busy to notice me or she is just ignoring me.

After work, Ace asked me to me help him with something on the computer. When I came out, Shan was gone. I stood there, alone, in the middle of the store with the lights off, asking myself "Why?". Why can't it be?

Ace stood beside me and patted my shoulder.

"Let's go." He said

He walked away but I still stood there. I remembered about tonight. I promised to sing at Charlie's. It's my first time to sing in public here. After I left Philippines, I was a bit disappointed at myself that I stopped singing for a while. I thought maybe, just maybe, I might start something new, away from music. Not because I stopped loving it. But because I'm so scared to try again and be disappointed. For me, I always try to walk away while I still have something in me left. Because when I do, it doesn't hurt that much when I decide to go back to who I used to be.

Charlie wants me to drop by the bar at around 9pm so I decided to go home first. My grandad was sitting by the porch and again looking at the the sun that's about to set. I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulders.

"What's the matter Jade?" He asked.

I looked at him and he was smiling at me.

"I'm confused. Should I stay here for love and wait for someone who might not be destined to be mine or should I go back to the dream I was destined to have? " I said

"What does your heart tell you?" He said

I stood up and kept pacing in front of him.

"That's the point. I don't get what my heart is telling me." I said as I kept pacing

"Jade.." he called

My aunt came out of the front door. She looked gloomier than the other day. She is of those people who keep fighting for my dreams and now I'm stuck between wanting it for them or for myself.

She walked and stood there, just a few steps from where I was sitting. She looked at the sky for a moment, then to me. I knew that even if I asked her what's wrong, she'd never tell me the truth. Why do people pretend and lie that everything's okay when their face says otherwise? So knowing that I know, I didn't dare to ask.

"There's pizza on the table. Just heat them if you want. I have got to go and do something important. You..." She stopped talking and looked at me.

"Are you still going out tonight? "

I nodded. She sighed heavily but she looked too tired to ask me not to.

"Don't stay up late." She added

She turned around and left. I didn't even notice my grandad stood up and left. I went to look for him and when I saw him, he was by his bed lying down and staring at the moon. I leaned by the door and stared at him for a few minutes. Some people said that dying is one of the most painful experience in life. But you know what's worse, it's dying on the inside while you're still alive on the outside.

I looked at my grandad and felt his pain. I'd rather be loved and died once than to live but die each day knowing the only person who makes you feel alive is gone. I remember Ocean. Would I rather die than to stay away from her or I'd die just to keep her but something in me would be taken away as well.

When I arrived at the bar, I thought I was early. Charlie was panicking, going back and forth. Jamie was jamming alone in the stage. He is pretty good I think. Then I saw Shan. She was sitting by the bar, staring at the table, thinking of God knows what. I was about to say hi when Charlie grabbed me and we walked by the stage. She took one of the guitars and handed it to me. Jamie looked confused but kept it to himself.

I took the guitar and she pushed me on stage to sing.

"He is on his way. At least one song would save me the night Jade. Just one." Charlie pleaded

I sat on the chair where Jamie was sitting earlier. I looked up and checked on Shan. She was looking at her phone. Didn't she even see me? Even for a glance? I started strumming my guitar. I thought she would be familiar with this knowing it was the last song I was able to sing for her.

"you came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don't get me wrong
Cause I'm not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning"

When I hit the first note, I thought she would look up to me, smile, run to my arms and say, "I remember you, Kaye". Yet, me singing to her now, live, and she is not even moving, not a flinch of movement or emotion from her. She was just sitting.

" Why can't it be, why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers..only friends
You came along at a wrong place, at a wrong time
You came along at a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me?"

For months that I have known her, I practiced for this day, everyday. I thought about all the possibilities but never about this one. I closed my eyes almost at the end of the song. I imagined the first message I wrote on the bottle, I remember how she was, I remember how I felt. But when I opened my eyes, she was gone from my sight. I finally sang for her and she just sat there like she doesn't remember.

And now, as I opened my eyes, it breaks my heart to feel like I didn't exist. Kaye never existed. But why? Was it because it wasn't meant to be or was it simply me?

The thought of me singing in front a crowd didn't occur to me until I heard them clap. I stood up and saw Jamie by the stairs, leaning with a foot on the wall while holding a hand in his pocket and looking away from me with his very concerned expression, of course not towards me. When I followed his gaze, I realized to whom he was worried about.

I saw a girl walk out of the door and I'm pretty sure it was Shan. The next question to guess is why... I wanted to follow but Jamie held me by my elbow.

"Don't. " he stopped

"Why?" I asked

"She told me not to." He said looking away

"Well that's your problem because as far as I'm concerned, she told me nothing."

I took my arm away from him and walked. By this time, Charlie stopped me.

"Hey, I didn't know you could sing like that. That was amazing.. Beyond amazing actually. Did you ever thought of actually becoming a singer? " charlie interrupted

"Uhmm I....." I didn't know how to evade her

I looked at Jamie but he was already on stage with Benny.

"I gotta go." I said

I moved passed her in a hurry. I tried not to hit anyone as I moved. Like they say, evade but not invade. If I rush too much and destroy everything in my way, Charlie might never let me get out of here.

I ran the moment I reached the door. I ran as fast as I could. I looked everywhere I could but she wasn't there anymore. I put my hands on my knees, breathe heavily as I looked at the pavement I'm standing on.

Now that I finally sang, now that I finally revealed the other part of who I am. Should I give up knowing her reaction wasn't exactly how I hoped it would be or should I keep going until she finally sees me?