Music in a bottle (Completed)

35. The never ending list of "maybe's"

         ***Ocean's POV***

           When you suddenly lose someone in your life, and you didn't even have the chance to see them before you parted, every moment spent waiting is like waiting in vain. Because you never got to ask, you don't know if coming back for you is still an option.

          When days started to end, when weeks began to follow, when months started to come and summer is almost gone, still no shadow of his showed up on my doorstep. Almost everyday, before and after work, I sit by the beach waiting and even waiting, can actually become a habit.

         For the past couple of months, I stared at the same sun rising in the east and still setting on the west. Nothing changed. Even in this small town, his disappearance didn't leave a mark, except in my heart. The hole in my heart is too deep that even breathing for myself becomes a burden.

          When I entered my room, there's a big box at the footstep of my bed with a bouquet of red roses. I opened the box and saw this beautiful, black dress with a note inside.

       "See you at 8pm."

          I checked the clock. It's half past 6 in the evening. I took a shower and put on the dress. After the usual make up on my face with just a little bit of powder and red lipstick, I tied my hair in a messy bun. I stood in front of the mirror. My face is too pale, my expression seems lifeless.  I am alive and living better, especially my stepmom is drinking all the liquor she can get given by Jamie's dad. I don't know if she's making her happy or killing her softly.

           I feel alive but I don't think I'm actually living. I'm more of.. Just existing. Breathing just for the sake of existing so I don't ruin the cycle of life. I'm still living here in my own home but I'm alone now. Jamie's dad gave a house to my stepmom. He said its because his business is booming so he wants to help out. Who gives a house as a gift?  In another explanation, he is buying her off, not that its going to be hard for him to do that. Give her a bottle of liquor and you're sold. Buy her a house, and whatever you want is yours for the taking. Sadly, that means.. Me with Jamie.

          I slowly walked down the stairs and saw Jamie, standing and waiting for me with a huge smile on his face. He had that look on his face like I'm walking down the aisle to say yes, unfortunately, in that dreamy moment of his, the bride  wished the groom was someone else.

"Wow. You look beautiful. " he greeted

         He took my right hand. Very slowly, he lifted it and kissed me without taking his eyes off. I looked away when he did that. It's going to take some time again to get used to being away from Kaye. When you meet someone who has left a deep mark in your heart, you don't just move on. And sometimes, some of us never do.

"Are you ready? " he smiled and asked

"Yes."

           I smiled and nodded lightly. When we were at the front door, I noticed he took his car. He's always had one but the motorcycle is more of his style on a daily basis. I did tell him I didn't want to go anywhere but he's persistent.

          He opened the passengers seat and I got on. He walked faster in front of the car. He looks rather dashing tonight in his black tux. Why do we need to wear these anyway?

          I forgot there's a new fancy restaurant in town. He took my hand when I got off from his car and held it tight. We walked slowly but before we entered, I took a glimpse at the sky above me. The stars shine the way they should be, does that mean I'm happy or right where I am supposed to be?