Music in a bottle (Completed)

37. The bitter part of me

      ***Ocean's POV***

         A few days past, and I was happy. Can I say, I am happy but not in a way that it makes me move my toes, wrinkle my nose or even my eyes twinkle.

        I opened my laptop and attached the USB. I opened the folder "music in the bottle" and checked Kaye's music. I could've copied these videos on my laptop but, sometimes, Michael takes it from me without asking and he's the last person I want to share this information with.

        I stared at him while he is singing and strumming his guitar. He has this style of swaying his shoulders when he's playing, and I'm sure he isn't even aware of how sexy that makes him look.

        I clicked the video I took from Benny when Kaye was singing at the bar. He looked nervous, like he was anxious, not because he is singing in front of a crowd, its more like, he is trying to sing for someone. Where was I that time?

           I checked Benny's account on Facebook and saw nothing in particular on that day. Then I saw Irina, the regular customer that he was talking to when I saw the video. She loves selfies so much that she takes a picture of everything and everyone.

           She had so many photos that searching for the one I wanted gave me a migraine. I checked my watch, 7am. And I have to work at 8. I was about to turn it off when I saw a familiar person. I zoomed it, and saw it was Kaye. I checked the other photos, Irina took so many photos of Kaye. There was one on the stage when he closed his eyes while he sang. I couldn't help but miss him more.

            I don't know how long I stared at it with tears in my eyes. He was real right? I didn't imagine him? Sometimes, we meet people unexpectedly, but unexpectedly, they also disappear. He didn't disappear, more like, Kaye became a memory. A memory that only I want to relive it over and over again.

"Ocean?!" I heard Jamie calling my name from downstairs

            I couldn't answer or I was focused on what I'm looking at, that I forgot the ability to speak. In the photo, Kaye was looking at something or someone in the crowd while he was singing. I zoomed to check who it was. It was me. I was there. I was just there and he was singing for me. He was telling me a story about the music he shared with me and wants to sing in front of me. And when he did, I was too focused on me. He was just in front of me. But I didn't turn around.

" Hey, do you know what time it is?"

        He suddenly came out if nowhere and I closed my laptop.

" Shoot. I'm late. Wait. I'll take a quick shower. " i stood up right away

"Cool. I'll wait."

          I didn't check what I left in my room and just ran to the bathroom. A quick shower usually takes 30 minutes in my case, but because I'm running late, I had to squeeze it in 10.

           When I was done, I wrapped the towel on my body. Because I did mention the word "shower" to him, I thought he waited downstairs. But I was surprised to see him, still in my room, standing by the window and thinking deeply about something. He turned and when he saw me, with just a towel wrapped on my body, he quickly looked away.

"Oh, sorry. I .... Uhmm. I was just leaving. No.. Not leaving. Downstairs, I mean."

        He walked to the door but when his hand reached the doorknob, he stopped and slowly turned his gaze at me.

" I'm sorry." He pleaded

"For what?"  I asked. Me still standing there with just a towel wrapped on my body and my damp hair.

"For this."

         He said and walked towards me, cupped my face gently in his hands, he leaned closer and brushed his lips over mine. His kiss felt different. Like he is trying to fight for something, trying to prove something, or in a way, trying to change something.

          For a moment, I was consumed in his kiss. The softness of his lips caressed mine as I felt his hand on my shoulder, slowly, very slowly moving downwards. I was lost, confused, lonely and I gave in to his kiss. Can I say I'm just human?

           We were both startled when the landline phone from downstairs rang. I immediately moved away from him, took the clothes I folded on my bed and went back to the bathroom. I changed as quickly as I could.

         Before I came out, I looked at my reflection in the mirror with tears in my eyes. I don't hate Jamie for what he did, but I hate myself on how I responded.

        "Kaye, I'm so sorry" I whispered as I wiped my tears.

         When I came out of the room, Jamie was gone. I picked up my backpack and ran downstairs.

"It was Ace. I told him you had an emergency but you're on your way to work now. He believed me. I guess I'm a better liar that I thought."

          And he laughed, pretending like nothing happened.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked but didn't come closer

         I nodded. When we arrived at the store, I was almost 20 minutes late. I was just glad that Jamie left right after that because I clearly didn't know how to be around him right now, without feeling really awkward and guilty.

"What was the emergency?" Ace curiously asked

          Oh, shoot. I forgot to ask Jamie the exact alibi he used.

"uhmm. "

            I couldn't think of anything. What was I supposed to say, that I'm late because Jamie kissed me and I let him?

"It took only a second for me to know you're lying. Shan, you know this is wrong. You can't use him just to move on faster. This is not you."  He explained

"you don't know anything." I stood up and faced away, pretending to be doing something

"I don't have to know everything. I see how you look at him and it's not how you looked at Kaye. " he defended. He always defended Kaye.

" It doesn't matter because he isn't here. Don't you get it? he isn't coming back for me. I can't live my whole life waiting for someone who might never come back. My father never did. "  i argued

"But Kaye will. "

           Since he left, I never cried in front of anyone. Its not because I'm ashamed but crying in front of them, is like admitting the pain is real...that he is real.

"How do you know? Did he tell you?" I walked closer

"Yes."

"and I'm supposed to believe it?  Expectation and reality are two different things." I stated

"but there's hope. "

         I wiped my tears immediately when I noticed some customers entered the store.

"Hope? Don't you think that word is overrated for me. I fell in love, I hoped, I waited.... And I failed. That's where my hope got me. So please, stay out of my life. You're not my father."

            I saw the pain in his eyes when I said that. Anger makes us say things we don't mean but can't take back anyway. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He scratched his forehead lightly, and started walking away.

            I just stood there and watched as the customers walked back and forth, searching for the things they wanted to buy. In the end, they found what they were searching for.

           I wish life is as easy as that. Should I keep walking until I find what I'm looking for or should I just stay, until whoever I'm searching for, finds me again.