Fix you • Chanbaek

twenty nine • sinners

A month passed without Baekhyun meeting Chanyeol again.

That didn't mean the other wasn't his constant thought every single day.

He kept pretending everything was normal, if there was even something to be considered normal in his life. In front of Jaebum, his friends, his team, he acted like the person they all knew. The problem was, a Baekhyun created after Kyungsoo's death was now in every mirror, it was himself every time he was alone. A ghost living inside him, one he thought we would never have to see again.

As winter approached, nights were getting colder and wind harsher.

Sitting on a bench in front of the dorms dressed in winter jacket and a Harvard volleyball team hoodie underneath, a brunet male flipped a letter in his hands.

The letter contained two simple words.

Very simple, heavy two words.

Save yourself.

Truth be told, Baekhyun wasn't suprised. It was to expect of his brother to appear again, this or that way. He didn't even question how Kyungsoo did it, or where he was now. It was irrelevant.

For those six months he kept convincing himself that he was indeed saved. That Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were saved too. That he did justice to everyone. While in fact, he left Chanyeol devastated and himself broken and glued together like a his mother's vase he once broke and tried to fix, only creating a bigger mess.

That's exactly how he felt.

Living in denial was always easier.

"What are you doing here in this cold, dumbass?" He heard a voice behind him and he immediately knew it was Namjoon.

"You'll get sick." he scolded. Namjoon was a lot like Junmyeon, they both had a soft spot for Baekhyun, treating him like a little brother and taking care of him.

Baekhyun stuffed the letter inside his jacket as Namjoon sat down, to avoid questions.

"Seriously bro, are you okay?" Namjoon gave him a worried look, rubbing his hands together to make them at least a little warmer.

"Yeah, don't worry. I just needed some air. And I needed to get away from Jack, his Qualifiers for the Nationals are coming up and he's been a drama queen, to say at least." Baekhyun chuckled a little.

"Why didn't you go to JB, then?" Namjoon addressed his boyfriend by the nickname his basketball team had given him.

Baekhyun felt his shoulders tense at the mention of Jaebum. Since Chanyeol came and messed with his head and his heart again, the feeling of guilt towards Jaebum was bigger every time he saw him, to the point that he couldn't relax in the latter's arms because all there was was a feeling of betrayal.

"Uh, he's... busy with midterms. I don't want him to fail because of me. I'm good here, anyway."

"I know there's something behind all this, but I won't pressure if you don't wanna tell. I've noticed you've been acting differently since you played on the starting team a while ago, even though I'm not exactly sure what could've happened then to make you act so wierd."

Fumbling with his fingers, Baekhyun looked down before taking a deep breath, exhaling a cloud of icy cold air and looking up.

The stars looked so bright, he noticed, even with all the city lights around.

"My ex played in that match. For Boston."

There, he said it.

And it didn't feel any lighter on his chest.