Until My Last Breath

Chapter 113

Shawn's POV:
„Hey love. I'm about to go to the store. Do you want anything?" I ask, peeking my head through the door of our bedroom. There she sits, staring at an old photo album, like she has been doing for almost two weeks now.

After she had to stay in the hospital for another two days to make sure everything was fine with her and the baby, we went home and since then she shut me out completely.

The last time she normally talked to me was when she almost fainted the following day. So we went to the doctor again. Now she has to take even lighter medicine, even though she is getting weaker and the stress she is going through at the moment, doesn't make it better.

Since that day, the only communication we have is when we are arguing and no, I don't intend to hurt my girlfriend who just lost the probably most important person in her life with fights....

It's just that no matter what I say, it's wrong. When I ask how she feels, it's wrong. When I ask whether she wants to talk or just watch a movie, it's wrong. Then she would start yelling at me until one of us just walks out of the room, not being able to bare it anymore.

It tears me apart to see her suffer like that but she won't let me do anything about it. The words she throws at me, also hurt. I don't mean to sound selfish at all but it's just hard to ignore when your girlfriend tells you she doesn't want you near her ever again.

I know that she doesn't mean it... hopefully, but the hate that fills her eyes whenever we fight, is like someone continuously punches me in the face. I just want to be there for her. I know that I can't take the pain away but I could at least hold her. Make her feel like there aren't just bad things in this world.

But she doesn't even let me touch her. As soon as I come too close to her, she backs away or disappears back into the bedroom... „No, thanks." Rose replies, not even bothering to look up. I don't need to see her to know that her eyes are red from crying, bags under her eyes from all the sleepless nights and nothing but anger and pain in her beautiful orbs.

I hate that she won't let me help. „Okey, I'll be back in about an hour. I have to talk to Geoff but it won't take long. Should I bring something to cook or do you want to order food?" I ask softly while approaching her.

"Just do what you want. I'm not hungry." she shrugs, her gaze still fixed on the pictures in front of her.

"But honey, all you ate today was one piece of toast. You should actually eat for two, you know." I say, sitting on the edge of the bed while lifting my hand in attempt to place it on her baby bump but immediately she moves to the side before I could touch her.

I guess, it's her way to shield herself from getting hurt even more but I can't help but feel a painful sting in my heart everytime she does that. It feels like we are back to the start again. Back to the days she wanted nothing more than to be away from me.

"I don't want anything." Rose quietly responds, still not even giving me a single glance.

„Alright, I'll be back soon. Call me if you need anything." I sigh, before standing up and walking out of the door.

Right now, I even wish for her to shout at me and tell me how much of an a**hole I am. She just needs that instead of keeping all her emotions inside of her, till they break her even more.

After slipping on my jacket, I stroll towards the elevator and out of the building, where Geoff is already waiting. „Hey man." he greets as I sit into the passengers seat. „Hey." I mumble, actually not in the mood to talk but I need help.

„I guess you called because of Rose. Is she doing any better?" Geoff questions while starting the engine. Exhaling deeply, I shake my head. „

"It more likely gets worse and just... no matter how hard I try, she won't let me in. All we do is fight. She doesn't talk to me or anyone else, she doesn't sleep and doesn't eat, which really starts to concern me. I'm afraid that she will be undernourished soon.

With the baby, she should actually eat more not less. I- I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm loosing her." I say, trying my best not to let my voice crack as I avert my eyes out of the window.

I hear a deep sigh from my best friend, followed by silence. He probably has no clue what do either and actually I should be the one who knows how to help Rose. I'm her boyfriend after but lately I could seriously win ,the worst boyfriend of the year' award.

„Stop it, Shawn. Please don't do that to yourself." Geoff speaks up, causing me to look at him. "What do you mean?" I ask, eyeing him confusedly.

"You think it's your fault. Shawn, I get that it's not easy to see her like this but don't blame yourself for it. And don't start with the 'if I wouldn't have left'. Mia was watching you guys for a longer time already. Even if it had been in the future there would have come a day where you wouldn't have been with Rose, and then she would have done the same. with Geoff responds.

"I just- you know I never liked him, but what he did... I'll never be able to thank him for that." I sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. "Don't get me wrong but I honestly don't think that he thought about you while saving her." Geoff replies, chuckling lightly.

"I know that." I say, rolling my eyes.

"It should have been me." I murmur myself but he heard it aswell. "Are you serious? Do you think it would have been easier for her or what?"

"It's  different if you have to get over someone who you have known since you are a child  or to get over someone you have known for about a year." I shrug. "Rose loves in another way than she loves Carter. You know that. So stop saying such stupid things now." Geoff states, glancing at me for a short moment. I only nod to myself.

Still, he doesn't see the way she looks at me lately and he also doesn't hear the things she says. Even though she probably doesn't mean everything of it, a bit of truth has to be in it or else she wouldn't have thought of it.

"You know what? You really need a drink." Geoff says, causing me to raise an eyebrow. "My pregnant girlfriend, who just lost her best friend sits at home alone at the moment and you tell me I need a drink? Yeah, no thanks. I just have to stop by at the store and then I'll go home."

"I know that, Shawn. I'm just worried about you aswell. You look more sleep deprived than during tour." Geoff sighs as we stop in front of the super market. „Thanks man but I have to go home. I'm planning a little surprise for Rose."

.............................................................................

"Babe, I'm back!" I call out while hanging up my jacket. Not expecting a answer anyways, I walk into the kitchen to put the things I bought in the fridge. I decided to make her favorite food and let in a bath with flowers and a bath-bomb.

She always loved them so maybe I can get her to talk with that. I mean, I can't just sit here and do nothing. While humming to myself, I gather some scented candles, I put the flowers I bought into a vase and set the table, knowing she won't come out anyways until I'm finished.

After everything is decorated and the food is almost finished, I decide to check up on her. Therefore, I walk into our bedroom once again and quietly open the door, in case she fell asleep.

"Love?" I ask, before stepping into the dark room. As usually, I don't get an answer but something feels off this time. Frowning, I switch on the light only to see that she isn't there. Immediately, I start to panic a little bit because she hasn't left this room for days now.

„Calm down, maybe she is in the bathroom." I mumble to myself, trying to prevent myself from thinking the worst. „Baby, are you in there?" I question, knocking onto the bathroom door but it stays silent... until I hear a loud thud, causing the blood to freeze in my veins.

"Rose?"