Until My Last Breath

Chapter 116

Rose's POV:
"Are you sure that you feel good? I can just come home, you know." Shawn questions for the like tenth time now. Aaliyah and Ava insisted on making a girls night, so they almost had to force Shawn to leave the apartment.

It turned out to be two girl hours, though. Now we are currently FaceTiming Shawn because I didn't immediately text him back five minutes ago, so he got worried.

"Shawn, I am alright. I just didn't see your text because we were watching a movie." I reassure him, not being able to hide a smile.

Normally, I would get so annoyed with him behaving like I'm a three year old but I understand him. Shawn left and... something horrible happened. He just doesn't want to risk it again.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Shawn questions probably due my facial expression changing because of the memories of that night flashing through my mind. It's been five weeks now.... Five weeks of not having  my best friend anymore.

"Love? Everything okey? I- I mean, not everything is okey. I know, but-" Shawn rambles, snapping me out of my thoughts. A

small smile tugs on the corners of my lips as his eyebrow furrow as he thinks of something to say. "It's fine, Shawn. I just had to think of  i-it." I say, my voice unintentionally cracking while I try my best not to let the pain take over me. I promised them to have fun the next two hours.

"I'll come home in half an hour, okey? I'm just gonna say that I don't feel well." Shawn suggests, glancing over to Geoff, Scott, Mike and Brian with who he actually should have boys time now.

"No you are not! We didn't get to see Rose in so long. Go have fun with the others! See ya in two hours!" Aaliyah chirps and before Shawn could protest, she ends the FaceTime call.

"God, he's so caring it's slowly starting to get scary." Aaliyah mutters and I force a small smile. "I'll be back in a minute." I mumble, attempting to stand up but Ava holds onto my arm. "Rose..."

"No, please don't say anything. If you mention it, I won't be able to stop cry-" I say but cut myself off as a sob unwillingly leaves my lips. "I'm sorry." I cry, hiding my face in my hands. We only have two hours anyways and of course I have to ruin it.

"No, don't apologize. It's alright." Ava coos and then both of the girls wrap their arms around me, to pull me into a hug. "It's just... we haven't even really started and I already ruin the mood." I sigh, wiping the tears off my face while inhaling deeply. I cried so much the past nights that I actually thought I have no tears left anymore.

"Rose please, you don't. What you are going through right now is f*cking hard. It's totally okey to be sad and furthermore it's normal."

"I know, I know... the thing is, I still can't believe what happened. Every night when we go to bed, I have this little amount of hope that it's all just a terrible nightmare. So, when I wake up, there will be new messages from h-him, ranting about h-how annoying his boss is at the moment or telling me about his little sister Zoe's latest ballet performance."

A weak chuckle escapes me as I think about the times we would watch her dance on that little stage with this adorable pink tutu.

"I will never forget the proud smile of Carter while she danced her little solo. She always told me that he is the best brother she could ever have... I just took him away from her." I say, my eyes watering uncontrollably once again.

"Rose, can you please finally stop? Stop blaming it on you, god. He loved you so much, he would have done everything to save you and as he needed to, he did. It was not your fault, Rose.

If your brother came with you instead of Carter.... he would be the one who is injured or even dead now. So please, stop doing this to yourself. That's something Carter would never want and you know that." Ava says, grabbing my shoulders to make me look at her.