Fearless (Bellamy Blake - Book 1)

Chapter 63

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-chapters 63, 64 & 65-

My lips are pursed as I look around the camp, there's a bit of storm damage to the wall that is being repaired, but the main concern is trying to prepare for winter.

Any spare materials we could use for insulation are being collected, as well as food rations of nuts and berries.

"Raven managed to connect a camera and one of the monitors to the radio so we can talk to the Ark, we've put it in that tent," Clarke explains to me, pointing to the tent to the left of the drop ship, "and kids are taking turns talking to their parents."

I nod, staring at the tent.

Clarke sighs from beside me, "it's inevitable now, Carter. The first drop ship from the Ark is going to be here within a week."

I nod again and look away as Dax, a tall blonde convicted of murder walks out of the tent, a far away look in his eye that I disregard. Dax was someone who agreed with us about not wanting the Ark to take charge, but I assume that speaking to his parents made his mind change.

"I can put you on the list if you'd like?" Clarke's voice goes quiet as she watches me.

"There's no point." I tell her, "one of my parents is dead, and the other hates me because I made that happen."

I look up, catching her eye and the slight surprise in it. "Don't look so surprised, Clarke, everyone knows it, even you."

"I knew," she nods, "I just...didn't think you'd admit it to me."

"No point denying the past now." I shrug. "Not when it's something you can't ever escape."

"Carter--"

"I'm gonna go check Bellamy has everything he needs for today." I walk away from her and over to Bellamy's tent which is in the same place it was before.

I don't bother knocking as I move aside the flimsy material, startling it's inhabitant as he holds open his bag.

"Can't you knock?" He snaps at me.

"On what?" I gesture to the tent around us, "the slightest bit of pressure and the whole thing will come down."

"Use your voice then," he glances up at me, "you're good at that."

I narrow my eyes at him, "what crawled up your ass and died? Are you pissed you've got to spend a whole day with Clarke?"

"No." He denies, putting his pack on the ground by his feet and sighing, "I just...I don't wanna leave Octavia..." He pauses, staring at me before he clears his throat and looks away, "I don't wanna leave her when we're in a fight. That's all."

I nod. "Understandable. It seems like you guys said some pretty intense stuff."

He nods, looking at the ground. "I told her my life ended the day she was born."

My eyebrow quirks up in surprise. "Shit." I whisper before saying normally, "you'll work through it, just give her some space."

Bellamy nods, still not looking up at me, "yeah. Yeah that's what I was planning on doing."

I nod awkwardly as silence passes over us, before pursing my lips.

"Be careful today, okay?" I tell him, causing him to finally look at me. "Grounder's could be out there, or something worse."

He gives me a small nod. "You too. Most of the storm damage has been fixed, so all you really have to worry about is that grounder, but you can trust Miller to keep an eye on him. I don't want you going up there."

"I don't want myself going up there." I admit, "if I do..." I shake my head and look away, "I don't even know. I don't know what I'll do or what I'll think."

"Yeah, I get that."

"How are you doing?" I look up at him, "after the whole...y'know."

He nods and looks away. "Fine. You?"

"Fine."

Bellamy nods again, it's evident to both of us that we're not fine and we're not ready to speak about it yet, and that's okay.

"Have you spoken to Finn?"

I shake my head again. "We've not resolved what happened between us after Charlotte...it'd be weird to see him, I think."

Even saying her name stroke self loathing throughout me.

"I think you should talk to him." Bellamy tells me. "You've both proven that you'll do whatever it takes to protect each other, but now all you have to do is put it into words."

I look up at Bellamy and a small smile graces my lips. "Since when did you get so wise, Blake?"

"I've always been wise."

"Must be your old age." I joke, causing a small smile to tug at the corner of his lips.