long way down

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quick psa besties !! favorite crime by olivia rodrigo does it for me on
this one, this chapter goes out to my fellow sad bitches :0

jordyn.

He feels like a breath of fresh air.

The next morning I wake up on a new high. Maybe it's just my body rejoicing the fact that I actually got a decent night's sleep. Maybe it's the post-orgasmic world I'm prancing around in. Shoulders left untensed. Knots untangled. Stress dissipating. I've now come to understand why Beau was so mind boggled by the fact that I'd never had one. Even I'm surprised I lived sixteen long years without that heavenly feeling.

Today was quite different than yesterday. I didn't start off with mental havoc for one. Kat was still getting ready at the time I managed to slip out at the same time as my mom. We had one of those normal mother-daughter mornings. The ones where you talk about what you learned at school over a few sips of coffee. Of course, I had nothing to tell her given, well, yesterday's 'events'. But I was able to get off the hook with ranting about getting so many assignments on the first day because thanks to her insane work schedule, she was too busy reviving a sick patient to bother with a school call telling her her daughter wasn't in school.

Yes, I did sneak onto her phone when she came home from work and deleted that voicemail as quickly as I could. Oh, the scandal. Their perfect, can-do-no-wrong daughter deleting messages off her mother's phone that could make her aware of her daughter's whereabouts.

I drove myself to school, making a quick stop at the nearest convenience store to buy a bag of chips and water to hold me over for the day. I don't eat the recommended three meals a day like I should, but it's an honest mistake really. My parents, being doctors, get ticked off by it often, however I've never seen them sit down and eat a real dinner. Call it a hereditary thing, my appetite, or lack thereof.

The slushies churning in the corner made my mind wander back to Beau as I paid. How we went around the store like a gross sappy couple, the ones I hate. The ones that walk around showcasing their love and affection, yep, that was us. Except he was throwing condoms at me and eye-fucking me. And they say romance is dead.

He feels like green grass on a brand new day.

I actually sat down and socialized today. The moment I got to school, I was being pulled every which way by Ramona asking me questions I had to make up the answers to. At first, it was just her. Then it became Lorette and Ramona. Five minutes later it had become Veronica, Maverick, Lorette, and Ramona. I was surprised to see Maverick and Caleb weren't attached at the hip like usual, but I guess they were going through one of their routine break ups. We could very well be talking about that but no, everyone wants to know about Beau and Jordyn.

"So why did you two break up? I heard you guys were all but quiet after the dance," Veronica remarks with a smirk. That feels like so long ago. So much happened over the course of three weeks, I had forgotten that at the beginning of it I despised Beau. I spent four-almost-five months hating him and it took three weeks to undo that. It feels like a completely different life almost.

I sigh, this is the third time I've been asked this question. Once by Ramona. Another by Lorette. And now by Veronica. And the same lie applies every time. "Things just weren't working out, I guess. We both had different...views so to say."

Lorette cocks an eyebrow and leans toward me from the other side of Ramona. "You keep giving the same answer. What does that even mean?" she asks like she's suspecting a lie.

Ramona does the same. "Yeah, I saw you both at Sophie's party on New Years. Was it his reputation? I saw him go with Serenity, you guys hadn't been broken up for that long." I hate the interrogation, but the reminder even more so. The fact that there's a side to him I still haven't come to know, the part of him that struggles to commit. When it's brought up, it scares the crap out of me because at just about any moment another girl could pop up in his messages. He could be toying with another girl all the while stringing me along and I won't know until the truth slaps me in the face.

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