Moonlight Kisses

distortion

Closing my eyes, letting the cool breeze of daybreak flood my nostrils with clarity. The coldest times of the day lie in the early hours, before the city is hustling and bustling with tourists, employees, CEOs, reckless teenagers seeking out kicks. It's as quiet as the city will get because the majority of it is dragging themselves out of bed or nursing a hangover. On the rare occasion I find myself alert during this time of day, it's surprisingly peaceful. Deep down, I love it. Especially during the summer months when the burning sun is barely on the rise and hasn't yet had the chance to sink its rays into our bodies.

I turn back down to the cream-colored page. Half filled with somewhat legible scribbles, the other half still awaiting its rightful words. Today I've decided to use my pink pen. Today doesn't feel too bad, I actually woke up rested. That's a good sign.

For the first half hour of trying to fall back asleep to wake up at a more reasonable time than six in the morning, I was mostly tossing and turning. I didn't want to wake Beau with my restlessness, so I gave in and went downstairs for a cup of coffee. What I least expected was to find Sophie downstairs in the process of making her own. I know how stupid that must sound, it's her house, I'm only a guest, but I'd like to think I still know my best friend relatively well. She's a chirpy person in the morning, at all hours of the day really, but she almost never wakes up before seven a.m. unless there was an obligation she had to tend to.

We both caught each other off guard. Even though we were aware of each other's presence, spoke to one another every once in a while, but never for long periods at a time, the shock had been apparent. In the way I halted suddenly in my tracks. In the manner in which she went tense. Our run-ins can usually be predicted and prepared for. Not that one.

There was this damper that was put on our friendship after the last day of school when the truth finally made its way out into the open for all my friends to know. We thought we had control over that horrible enough time in our lives when we threw a going away party that, for one night at least, we got to set everything aside and just be. There was no Leo. There was no animosity. There was no cruelty. It was just fun. We thought after that night it would be over. That all of the drama was of the past.

But then things got worse. She was there that night. She may not have seen it all play out the way Beau had, but she had enough information to gather the pieces herself. She may as well have found me, after all her role in saving me that night was vital. Had she not been there to get Ramona's call...I can't ponder what would've happened. I didn't want to do that to myself. There were so many, too many way worse outcomes.

That part isn't the one I want to talk about though. This is about me and Sophie and the unease that made its way between us.

We used to be as close as sisters. My mom used to refer to us as such because back then Mariella wasn't always around. Sophie spent more time at my house than she did her own. Much further back that didn't bother me because me and her brother weren't on the best of terms. Even after said-brother became my boyfriend, we were still attached at the hip, me and her. We did nearly everything together. I kept her on track academically and she kept me up to date socially. Had it not been for her, I wouldn't have had any of the amazing friends I do now. I'll always love her more than a friend, more like family. I'll always cherish her for everything she's done for me. She has such a good heart.

In spite of everything, I never blamed her. Not once. She wasn't the one hurting me day after day. Or leaving cryptic notes everywhere I went. Things were out of her hands really. She was going through her own things too and now that I think back upon it, neither of us could ever be held responsible for what happened to the other. We couldn't have known what was going on behind closed doors for one. And we were both going through too much to see past ourselves. We were too wrapped up in keeping our struggles secret that it only ended up eating away at us. Including our friendship.