Moonlight Kisses

what fate will bring

jordyn.

Be careful what you wish for. For the last couple of years, all I'd ever dream of is a legit reason to lounge around all day, being metaphorically tied down to the comfort of my bed or wherever else I've chosen to plop down for the next five hours. Being ordered to lazily spend my days doing nothing but resting. Bedrest gives me all the more reason to have everyone do everything for me so that I don't even have to lift a finger. That should be a dream come true. Instead, all I want to do is get up. The prime example of only being drawn to do something because someone tells you not to.

When I got sick of looking at my bedroom, I moved down to the living room and started aimlessly flipping through channels, not able to settle on anything. Whatever was on was either too boring, too corny, not enough sadness, not enough comedy. Like the TV was supposed to gauge exactly what I wanted to watch. Eventually, I just full blown gave up on trying to watch anything and shifted my attention to attempting to read. That hadn't worked out either because the only books available to me were the medical ones stacked randomly around the living room. All the real books were upstairs in my bedroom and as tempting as it was to go grab one, the way upstairs was excruciatingly painful. That being so, I was confined to solely the kitchen and the living room and everywhere that didn't require me to walk up. This is the epitome of a humbling experience for my pride, or what's left of it.

My dad and Kat had just left to pick up some dinner. They went all the way across town to grab a meal from this high end place just because it's my favorite. I insisted they didn't have to make the 40 minute drive here and back, but they insisted, already resolute in their decision because they pitied me for having to eat all the hospital crap. So they're gone. I have the house all to myself. And I want to move in any way I can.

A bright blue Amazon truck passes through our residential street, instantly making me perk up. I find myself praying it'd stop in front of our house just so I'd have a reason to get up. My mom's always ordering from them anyway. I swear if that truck doesn't stop, I'm going to throw myself down on the ground and throw the temper tantrum of a lifetime.

The uniformed man comes right up to the edge of the porch and drops a thin white bag onto the ground. "Thank you," I squeal to whatever higher power is listening to me right now, undoubtedly laughing at my pleading state.

In the time it takes me to get up from the couch, the delivery truck is already long gone. Good, just because I was going outside didn't mean that I wanted anyone seeing me like this. Even after my shower, I still looked like an exhausted mess. I didn't bother changing the sweatshirt-sweatpants thing I had going, but I changed the set because even though I wore the other set home from the hospital for all of 20 minutes, they still felt icky and gross. That didn't change much because I still very much felt like a sluggish zombie. Seeing anyone outside of my family was not on my list of things to do today.

The shower definitely helped some of the healing process though. Aside from opening a few of the smaller cuts, it alleviated some of the tension in my legs from being down on a bed for the last two days so I didn't look so much like a toddler trying to learn how to walk on her own two feet anymore. I still had a small limp in my step but that was only from the damage to my torso. Walking upstairs on the other hand, that was a different story.

I go outside, not bothering to put on any shoes since my front lawn is mostly turf anyways and it's not like I'm going far. The door opening lets in a whiff of cool air, making me shiver. It's a bright day outside. One that's not too hot or cold. We're still in winter technically, but California varies a lot I've noticed only in the first year of living here. One day it could be freezing cold, on the brink of snow even though it never comes in this city, and the next it's sweltering hot, you could practically boil alive. It's in the middle of that. The sun shines through the fluffy white clouds, picture perfect in the pale blue sky. The flowers in the neighbor's garden bloom beautifully, all reaching for the sunshine's filmy rays. The short green bushes separating our yard from theirs look exquisitely vivid, a sharp green to compliment the bright yellow and pink flowers sitting beside it. The sight itself looked straight out of a magazine; god how I missed the outdoors.