the broken and the damned

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Days have gone by empty of any dramatic happenings or showcases me and Beau have to plow our way through. Hours of talking about the situation at hand became minutes. Today, neither him or I have said a word of it. Mostly because there was a lack of things to say. Days have gone by without a confession, leaving this whole mess at an eerie stand still.

It should be a good thing, this calm tranquility. Temporary, but needed after stumbling upon the truth without meaning to. It was as if my prayers had been answered for a moment. That I could take the truth away from our knowledge and continue to live on in that ignorant blissful world. Today and yesterday have been ignorant but they sure as hell haven't been blissful. We can't fully enjoy this silence from the chaos because all we know is that these days are merely the calm before the storm hits. We spent more time preparing for the storm to come than we have enjoyed life before the storm collided with our shores.

But we sure as hell didn't need one falling out after another. These days have been troubling but not nearly as troubling as a back to back collapse. Finding Kat and Leo together was one thing. Sophie finding out about it was a whole other ball game that me and Beau couldn't afford to play.

From what we can tell, Sophie has no clue of what's happened. Either that or she's a damn good actress because for what I've seen, the dynamic between her and Kat hasn't changed. They're still close friends, hanging out after school like normal and driving each other to school. Kat followed that routine, knowing what she had done. The fact that my sister could be around Sophie so happily and carefree nearly made me sick. She looked my friend in the eyes and lied to her. Every minute they spent together was another minute gone by that Sophie lived in a lie and Kat became okay with that.

Kat and I had barely even spoken since she confessed everything to me. The morning after, I woke up from another tumultuous nightmare. Beau wasn't there to snap me out of it because we both thought it'd be best to stay on our own that night. Him at his house with Sophie making certain she didn't go out to visit Leo or the asshole wouldn't have the nerve to step foot near their house. I didn't want to run the risk of having Leo coming over again, so we reluctantly parted ways for the greater good. I was already vulnerably alone that night, my night terrors didn't make it any better.

When I went downstairs to grab water, I unmistakably looked like hell. So conveniently, Kat had been down there making us a quick breakfast. She'd asked me if I was okay, but I was still angry with her and chose to tell her I was fine, even though both of us knew damn well I didn't look the part. I grabbed my water and that was it, we didn't say another word to each other. Kat drove herself to school to 'think' and Beau came to get me.

When we got to school, I wasn't at all surprised to see Kat conversing with Grant like normal. They're technically exes, so that sight is incredibly rare enough. What got my gut churning was how quick she was to hook up with some other guy. Even if it wasn't Leo, she said she wanted something with someone with no strings attached. Days after they broke up, like the six months they'd been together meant nothing.

It shocked me to the core later on in the day to find her so close with Sophie. They usually come by my fourth period to walk with me to grab food. I wasn't expecting that day to be like all the other ones. I wasn't expecting to see my sister smiling and laughing with the girl she betrayed. It sickened me to see how well she could keep a straight face. How remorselessly she could look my best friend in the eye and talk to her as though she wasn't hooking up with her boyfriend the previous day. It made bile rise to my throat just how good of a liar my sister could be. I know I'm not one to judge given all the things I've done in my time with Beau alone, but I would never be able to look him in the eye and lie to him about something as grievous as betraying him. She did something that could potentially ruin their friendship and how Kat chose to hold onto that rather than breaking the news sooner mind-boggled me.

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