Dirty Little Heart

The Woman In The Frame.

We sat, drank wine, and Gossiped about some co-workers. It was a pleasant feeling. I felt like there was a person who would listen, always. He made me forget about all the difficulties I was facing in my life. I loved it. I loved how I could be myself around him.

"So. I guess we have established that all our co-workers are not as we expected them to be. But all I want to know more is about you." Says, Jonathan.

"What do you wanna know, exactly?"

"Everything. You past, you present, your goals. Who knows, maybe they'll match mine."

I laugh while I grab the glass of wine. My expression changes from sweetness to seriousness.

"I.. uh.. I'm sorry if I was too forward...."

"No No, it's okay. This conversation would have come up soon eventually so."

I sign and take a big sip of my wine and put down the glass.

"Let's just say my past was not the one every child would desire. At first, it was like a game I was playing with my father. I knew nothing about my mother. I don't know whether she's alive or dead or just ran away. My father was... evil. All he told me was that my mother was in a good place. She's staying there and watching over us. Growing up, I thought he was talking about heaven. But I guess even heaven couldn't get her at peace for what my father did to her, I think."

"Why do you think like that?" Jonathan asks.

"Just... He wasn't a good person, you know? All the things he did to me, I think he did to my mother as well. He never told me the truth about anything so. That was my first guess."

I pour myself another glass of wine and drink it all in one gulp.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down with my terrible nightmare."

I genuinely thought he would just run away because, well, let's face it. No guy wants to be with someone who's traumatized enough and needs some therapy sessions until death.

Instead, Jonathan gets up and walks towards me. He sits down beside me on one knee and takes my hand in his.

"I can't change what you have been through, Angelica. What I can change is the future of yours by taking part in it if you want me to and swap it into something you never imagined. Whether you like it or not, you mean something to me. Sure, you're hard to handle, but yes. Only a screw-up would think of leaving you."

I blush under his gaze and maybe it was the wine thinking but, I never wanted this moment to end. I felt free for the first time in my life. For me, dating was something I would die before trying again. Of course, I will not give him a straight answer about what I want with him but, I would definitely think about it. But before I could do that...

"Can I ask you something, Jonathan?"

"I guess it's only fair." Ask away.

"Who is the woman in the frame in your bedroom?"

It felt like Jonathan's heart just skipped a beat. He was tense. His reaction changed quickly. But it was more of sorrow than fear of telling me the truth about it.

Jonathan gets up and rubs his hands on his face.

He looks at me with an intense gaze.

"Follow me." He says.

I get up and do what he says. We enter his house and I look around the room. I never got the time to watch around the first time. Every single room was well maintained. I couldn't even find small particles of dust anywhere. I follow him up to his room and it bombarded me with flashbacks of the first night we spent.

I watch over Jonathan with the photo frame in his hand, watching the woman as if he was looking at her for the first time.

"Her name was Elena. She was my high school sweetheart, also my wife." Jonathan explains.

"What happened to her?"

He puts down the frame on the table as if he never took it and moves his eyes toward me.

"She had cancer, Angelica. She died a year ago."

After hearing those words coming out of his mouth, I say nothing. I just walk over towards him and sit right next, caressing his shoulders and the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Jonathan."

"It's fine, actually. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be living my life right now."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"She never told me she had cancer. I knew she was sick, and I forced her to go to the doctor and I would go with her, but she always said she already went and it was just a fever."

"I trusted her with all my heart and to make her better. I talked to one of my friends who was a well-known practitioner."

"I guess I was too late. The moment I got home, she was long gone. She just left me a note."

"What note?" I ask.

Jonathan opens the drawer of the table and takes out a piece of paper. He hands it over to me. As I open it, he walks towards the other side of the room where he kept his vodka. He opens it up and starts drinking.

I unfold the paper and start reading what Elena had written on it.

Johnny. I know you must be thinking what kind of wife I am to just leave you in a situation like this. Know that I did this because I never wanted to hurt you. I'm in the last stage of kidney cancer. I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't see you giving up everything just to save me. Instead of torturing you, I've gone on a trip for a while till my last breaths. Know that even if I fly away, I'll be here with you. I love you with all my life that's left in me, Johnny. You know that better than anyone. Be safe.

Love, Ellie.

I look at Jonathan, pleading. Saying nothing further, I just walk over to him and hold him tight in my arms as much as I can. Making him feel as if I'm here for him, no matter what.

Telling him it's going to be okay. She 'IS' in a better place now.

We just stay there for a while, holding each other, letting out all the pain that was filled in us.

"I'm here, Jonathan. I promise."

And the night passes away like that.