Dirty Little Heart

Switched.

Ethan had work to do, so he went back to his place, dropping me off at the hotel room.

We share our goodbyes for now, and I go into the shower to wash my sorrows.

I didn't know what I needed in my life. I mean, was I even ready to be in a 'committed' relationship? Hell no, or maybe I was.

Maybe this is something I'm just telling myself to believe in.

My whole day I was getting these bullshit thoughts of what'll happen. How am I really supposed to tell both of them that my real name is Annabelle Lockwood? How!?

I simply had no choice. I just had no choice. There wasn't any other way to start a new life if I was already holding onto my previous one.

I..I'm going to be sick!

"I guess I'm just gonna have to tell them."

I clean myself up, get dressed, and text Jonathan first.

"You free?"

"Depends on why you're asking."

"I have to tell you something."

"That is?"

"Not like this. Can we meet?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Angelica."

"Please, Jonathan."

"Well, you saying please is a 'once in a blue moon' kind of thing, so,"

"Are you saying yes?"

"Not yes. I've just decided to hear you out."

"I'll come straight in the morning. Good night, Jonathan,"

He doesn't reply.

Okay, no matter what happens, just let it the fuck out. No excuses, no delays. They just.... both deserve an answer. I had to give them that.

The night went quickly but with the worst nightmare of all.

--Flashback--

"No, NO! Daddy please, No!"

"It....it hurts Daddy!"

"I know it hurts, sugar, but you have to go past the pain, okay? Or else Daddy won't feel better, he's going to get sick."

"But why don't you see the lady from the building with beds? She'll help you. She helped me before to, didn't she, Daddy?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Ahhh, Daddy, don't hit me. I'll be better, please Daddy."

"Nooo."

NOOOOOOO

--Present--

"Angelica?! Angelica! Wake up!"

"Oh..." I woke up and find Ethan holding me close to him, helping to me calm myself down.

"W..what happened?" I asked.

"You were screaming in your sleep. You kept saying...Don't, it hurts, something like that. I.."

"Are..are you okay?"

I paused and burst into crying..

"Hey hey, what's happening?"

Ethan holds me close in his arms, hiding my face in his chest so I could feel his heartbeat. While I was crying harder, his heartbeat was going faster. It was like our bodies were syncing.

"Talk to me, Angelica."

"It's...It's not my name."

"What?"

"An...angelica is not my name."

He breaks the hug but Ethan kept his arms around me, keeping me safe.

"What do you mean? It's not your name?"

"My name is not Angelica May, it was my sister's!"

Ethan shook his head in confusion.

"How is it your sister's?"

"You know, when I told you I had evil company at 17, I already had run away from my father and my uncle. I...I didn't know my uncle had a daughter, too. Her mother ran away, leaving her with that monster. I...."

"I just found her by the forest....they were....they were smashing her head with a..."

"I..I had to do something! I had to!"

"My dad was already drunk enough to not even recognize who was standing in front of him. By the time he opened his eyes, I already hit my uncle twice with a wooden plank..."

"I did the same with him.."

"They....they killed her...I didn't even get to know she was alive..I didn't! I couldn't do much back then. I couldn't. I had no supporters and the police could have gotten to me and send me somewhere far away...I took her identities and switched them with mine."

"Sh, it's okay. It's okay."

"No, it's not Ethan. You don't understand...I left her there and took her identity! I used her death to save my own fucking life!"

"I used her! I fucking used her!"

"Hey, Hey. You didn't use her!"

Ethan held me close. Even though I was acting as if I was being possessed by a demon, he held me close.

"I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't know what else to do..I didn't."

"You did what you thought was right. It's okay. You did what you thought."

He cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes.

"Listen, Okay? This doesn't have to be a bad thing, it doesn't have to be. Who said switching personalities was a bad thing? For me? It looks like you wanted to keep her remembered. You wanted her to live, you wanted her to feel loved, that's why you did what you did. You wanted everyone to know that she ever existed! You switched your identity to someone who wasn't alive, Angelica. You killed yourself in that place."

"Don't say you did everything wrong."

He held me closer to him again, holding me close as I give in to his warmth.

"I'm here, okay? I'll always be here. No matter what."

"Don't think about it. Try to sleep. It's alright."

His voice was now fading away. I thought this was it. I was officially dying. Maybe I committed a sin while sleepwalking, I don't know. And if you want the truth? I didn't even care.

It went dark, with no one else but me. Maybe this was the gateway to hell. I'm there for what I did. I deserved to go there for what I did.

----

My eyes were open, and fuck, I was still alive.

I looked around and figured that I was still in the hotel room, with no Ethan Cooper right beside me. I check the clock and it was already 8:36 in the morning.

I get up and look around to see or figure out what day is it.

--Beep beep--

"See you then,"

I had a message from Jonathan, and shit, I forgot I had to go see him today. My head was still paining a lot. It felt like someone had just hit me with a wooden plank.

Ugh, no, don't think that....anything but that.

I don't do anything. I pour myself a glass of fruit juice and go into the shower to get ready.

And in an hour, I go off to see Jonathan Ramsey.