Dirty Little Heart

Backstabbed.

I get out of my car and look over the building. I took a deep breath and went inside.

While walking in the corridor, I couldn't help but recall the night we enjoyed ourselves. It was so perfect, so sensual and so lovely. I wasn't sure what I'm going to tell him. I wasn't sure about anything if you ask me.

Ugh, Nat would have known what I should do and what was the right thing to do. I guess I have to make these decisions myself. I should have from the start but, It felt nice knowing you have someone to look after you.

I knock on the door, and he opens it within seconds.

"Hi," He says while taking a deep breath.

"Hi, I hope I'm not disturbing you or anything."

"Don't do that," Jonathan smiles while he says this.

"Do....what?"

"Act professionally,"

"Why? I thought you wanted this from the start." I smile.

"Just come on in."

I walk inside, and he offers me a glass of water. We both sit on the couch and he sits right in the front one.

"How are you feeling?" I ask Jonathan.

"A little good, actually. Finally, the pain in my arms went away. I still get these massive headaches from time to time, but I manage. Oh, and I'll be off my meds in a few days, so that's a good sign."

"I'm glad to see you doing well, Jonathan. I'm not just saying it, I mean it."

"I know," He says while holding one of my hands.

"Listen, I...uh...I wanted to..."

Apologise? We both say this word at the same time. We laugh.

"Yeah, Apologise." He adds. "You were already mourning and I guess I was out of the line. I never wanted to put any type of pressure on you, I guess. It's just...It's hard for me to see you with Ethan. It just boils me up. So badly."

"I know, Jonathan, that's why I came here to apologise to you. Look, I'm saying that I have an answer right now. Honestly? I don't even know what I really want. But all I know is I can't keep dragging you both with me."

"But I promise you, I'll figure it out soon. I'm done hurting people around me."

"You never hurt me, Angelica. And I know you never will."

"Yeah, right?,"

"Okay, you hurt me, but I guess being in 'some type of relationship' means difficulties, right? We just have to solve and communicate past them. If we don't go through past them, what meaning will relationships have?"

"I...uh.."

Okay, him saying all these things is fucking making this harder for me. How am I really supposed to choose between two unbelievably gorgeous sexiest men I could ever find?

I guess it truly isn't about that, is it? I'll be spending the rest of my life with either of them. And I had to figure out who and think about it thousands of times before actually doing it.

One-night stands are one thing, but a lifetime is for infinity.

Was I really ready for that? Maybe, maybe not.

"I have to tell you something, Jonathan."

"Tell me what?"

"I.."

Before I could say anything, Jonathan get a text from someone.

"Hold that thought. It's work."

"Oh, Okay."

Work? Today's the weekend. What work is he doing right now?

He gets up and walks towards a different direction, opening the mail.

"What were you about to tell me?"

"Oh, that. I guess it can wait since you're.."

"Annabelle Lockwood?" Jonatan whispers.

"What?" I get confused because I didn't really hear him for the first time.

"Your name...is...Anabelle Lockwood?"

I instantly get up, terrified. I didn't know how I was supposed to react to this situation. I could explain to him but would he listen? I had to do something.

"Look, Jonathan, I can explain."

"You lied to me all the time?"

"I didn't lie to you all the time, Jonathan! I had to do what I had to do! I...They didn't leave me much of a choice!"

"So, you just decided to kill them? So you can have a new personality? Fuck!"

He growled and threw his phone away.

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to call you! All this time I've been near this....person whose real name I don't even know! How could you do this to me?!"

"But..I thought you would understand."

"Understand what, Angelica? If that's even your name!"

"I...I."

"You know what...I..I can't do this right now! I'm sorry I need some time to figure this out! I'm..I'm just sorry."

"You're throwing me out of your house?" I say while tears fall down my eyes.

"I'm not throwing you out...I'm just...Just go, please."

I looked at him as if he was some kind of stranger whose house I had just accidentally stepped into. He made sure that I believe in all those things I buried myself in with. Things about the real Angelica. I say nothing. I nod, pick up my bag and walk towards the gate.

Jonathan was walking here and there like he was hyperventilating. I never thought he would act like this.

"You know what?" I say while staring at him, still bursting from crying.

"From all the people I thought at least you..would understand. I guess I was wrong about that. You made it pretty clear."

"At least I didn't backstab you in the back you did!"

"Yeah, you didn't. You 'backstabbed' me right in the fucking face."

I say and I walk out of his house, slamming the door behind me. As soon as I got out, I stormed off directly towards the elevator and waited for it to reach my level. As soon as the door opened, I see Clara.

"Well well, look, we've got a crybaby here,"

"Fuck yourself, Clara."

"I actually did for a while before, I admit. But I guess I won't be forced to do that anymore, do I?" She laughs and walks towards Jonathan's door.

I wanted to spare my own feelings, so I turned my head in the opposite direction and went into the elevator, pressing the buttons.

I was crying so hard now, so hard, it felt like my heart was coming out of my mouth and I was choking on it. The door swings open and I see a couple looking at me frantically. I run past them, straight into my car.

And Drove Away.