Dirty Little Heart

Little Secret.

Why.. Why would she lie to me? I mean...Nat? Attempting suicides again and again? I don't believe it. I just don't. At first, I thought maybe I should respect her privacy and just let it go.

But will she tell me the truth about.... this? You don't ask a convict why you killed that stranger for no reason. There's only a 0.00001% chance one of them would tell the tale.

But Nat? I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking it all over again. But I needed to know. Reading her diary may help prevent this from happening in the future. If I could just find out the reason.

I flip the pages, and at first, I couldn't find shit. I turned and turned and turned and there wasn't anything that already didn't know. I was nearly about to give up when I finally read this. The day we were going to shop together. When I...

Dear Diary.

Today, Angelica and I went shopping together. We stopped by a coffee shop where the guy server was eying her and asked for Angelica's number. I wanted to stop their conversation not because I was jealous that she gets all the guys, but because I wanted to protect her from herself.

Angelica's got a good heart, and these boys will only break it.

I know I can't force her not to do something, but it hurt me to watch her getting trapped by all these guys. I wish I could do something back then.

That doesn't mean I won't protect her in the future though, I only hope well for her.

I know it'll take time for us to settle but, I know everything is going to turn out just the way we both want! Soon.

Good night.

Okay... what the fuck was that? I mean. Protecting me is one thing, but this? Everything's going to turn out 'just the way we want'? This...I... I don't know I..

I got so stuck in between her written words that I got totally distracted that someone was at the door.

--Knock knock--

I shook my head and hid the diary under the bed before running downstairs and opening the door.

As I swing it open, I see Jonathan leaning against the side wall, gazing deep in my direction.

"Jonathan!...I.. Wha.."

"Woah, you're hyperventilating. Are you... okay?"

"I... I'm.. I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

"Well... I just came here to check up on you and Natalia."

I stood there, frozen, and suddenly I realised he was still standing outside.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to come in?"

"Only if you want me to."

"Just come."

Jonathan laughs as I softly push him inside.

"just don't talk too loud. Nat's asleep."

He signs to lock his lips and throw the key away while I walk towards my room and Jonathan follows behind.

"Impressive."

"Shut up."

I sit on my bed a little frustrated and Jonathan pulls out the chair from my desk, sitting on it himself. He reads me carefully, trying to understand what was wrong.

"You wanna talk about it?"

I gazed at him intensely. Deep in my heart, I knew he wouldn't judge me, but I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I shook my head and looked over to the door, walking towards it and confirming if Nat was asleep or not. She was. I walk back inside the room, closing the door behind me, trying not to make a sound and sit on the bed again, whispering.