SooKai Oneshots

~Say Something~

Theme - Depression/Suicide

Timeline - Modern Day

!!WARNING!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DEPRESSION, CUTTING , AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR ACTIONS! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE TO HANDLE IT. PLEASE GET HELP IF YOU SUFFER WITH SIMILAR THOUGHTS.

USA SUICIDE HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255

UK SUICIDE HOTLINE:0800-068-4141

(Please keep in mind that this is Fan-fiction and is not real)

"Say something Dammit! Don't just sit there in silence!" Soobin shouted, angry and in tears. He wasn't in control of his emotions as he threw another bottle on the ground, "Was I not good enough? Is that why you did it? Cause I couldn't be there!" He shouted and pulled at his hair as he cried louder, the sound was so sad and pitiful. "H-How could you! I thought you loved me" Soobin fell on his knees, crying harder into the silent and stiff air. "A-and all you can do is sit there, leaving me to shout and cry at what feels like nothing." Soobin took another shaky and unstable breath, drinking as he stared at the floor. He didn't even want to look at him as he waited to hear the sirens. No matter how many times he looked at the other, he still couldn't believe what he say. His precious prince, his baby boy, the love of his life, sat on the ground against the wall. A note in one hand which he gently took and an empty bottle of pills in the other. Soobin didn't believe it at first, blaming himself and instantly trying to drink away his guilt.

Now he waited for two things, to hear the sirens of police cars and for the alcohol to numb the pain he was feeling. Crying every ounce of happiness out of him as he looked away from the scene. He had read over the letter at least a thousand times, every inch of his body ached with the pain that he knew his lover had felt. At the bottom of the page he had mentioned how much he loved Soobin, how much he'd miss him and how he hoped Soobin would move past his death quickly and find someone new. Yet those words didn't comfort him, it saddened him even more than it had the first time. Tears rolled down his cheeks slowly as he brushed his thumb over his lovers last words, wishing he could tell him just how much he loved him.

That night once the police arrived Soobin was told to stay at a friends house under a friends watch as they took Kais body from the scene. Soobin drunkenly complied as Yeonjun and BeomGyu came and picked him up. BeomGyu was crying into Yeonjuns chest when they arrived, Yeonjun staying strong as he helped Soobin into the car and taking him back to their place. While Soobin didn't talk or whimper, tears still spilled from his eyes like a never ending rainstorm. A shell of the man he may have once been, without the bubbly Kai he was nothing. Once home Yeonjun once again helped Soobin inside, trying to comfort his own crying boyfriend who had texted Taehyun about the news who was coming over to comfort the older as well.

Even with all his friends there, talking and trying to comfort him, Soobin stayed quiet. He had so many questions, so many thoughts. He just wanted them gone, he just wanted to be with Kai. All four of them were affected by this news however, Kai was their best friend and knowing hes gone was so depressing. So the four ended up falling asleep on the couch together, or at least 3 of them did. Soobin couldn't sleep, staring at the ceiling and silently crying to himself. His body felt numb, his mind was racing, and his heart was barely beating. He kept playing Kais last living moments and words through his head.

~That Morning~

"Ning Ning I'm heading out to work." Soobin smiled and went to back hug Kai who was gently making himself breakfast. Kai softly laughed and looked back at Soobin. He was smiling but something in his eyes said differently. "Everything okay?" The older hummed gently at the other. Kai hummed a gentle nod before turning to hug Soobin tightly, which was a little odd but not unwanted. Soobin smiled brightly and hugged back tightly as well, kissing his shoulder softly. "You know I love you right?" Kai whispered and pulled away from the hug. "Of course I do, and You're my one and only." Soobin smiled and giggled at the other. "Good, then give me a big hug and a long kiss before you leave." Kai cooed and gave the other a small smile. Soobin laughed and hugged Kai tightly, spinning him around happily before setting him down. Leaning in close and giving him a deeply passionate kiss, one that would normally lead to late night movie watching, yet was so sweet and innocent in the moment of the early morning. The two pulling apart to give each other gentle smiles. "I'll see you after work okay?" Soobin smiled and ruffled Kais hair as he made his way to the door. "Yeah. I'll be here, Right here."Kais voice was soft. Before Soobin closed the door he smiled at his precious prince, excited to get home to hug him again.

~Present~

Tears fell faster as Soobin got up from the couch, his breathing heavy as he stumbled to the bathroom. He couldn't take this, these memories, these thoughts. He cried hard as he laid against the bathroom door. Soobin hoped with every fiber of his being that this wasn't real, that HueningKai was going to be okay. He was so happy that morning, he couldn't wait to get home and hug him again, to tell him he loved him. He was home late, maybe if he hadn't ran into traffic he could have saved him. Maybe if Soobin hadn't gone to work that day he could have stopped Kai. "I-I want my prince back.. I want to hold him and tell him h-how precious he was." Soobin silently whispered, he felt so weak. He's never felt so close to dying mentally yet being physically fine. Soobin wanted to see him again, and every voice in his head agreed. So he put action to those thoughts.

He stood quickly, looking at how horrible he looked in the mirror before sniffling and walking out. Soobin found a paper and pen, writing notes for his friends who were fast asleep still. He apologized in every note to each one of them, making separate notes, making it clear that he couldn't live without Kai. Once done he left his phone and took a photo of Kai he had in his wallet with him along with Kais note, anything else was left behind. Soobin left the apartment and walked quickly and in tears back to his and Kais shared apartment. It was a long walk but it was worth it. He noticed that Kais body was gone and he sniffled as he looked away quickly. Soobin went to their room and looked for a ring Kai had given him, putting it on and leaving without anything else from the house. He has a mission, Nothing was going to stop him as he climbed the stairs of the apartment building.

Soobin soon reached the door to the roof and read that an alarm would be triggered. He took a shaky inhale as he pulled the handle and quickly walked onto the roof as a silent alarm went off. Soobin walked to the edge of the roof and got on top of the half wall with shaky arms. With tears in his eyes he looked at Kais picture as the sun slowly started to rise over the dark horizon. Soobin cried harder as he held the picture to his heart, looking at the note in his other hand and gently reading out the words that were written. "D-Dear Soobin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you'll have to find me like this, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry that you fell for such a mess of a man I am. I know this won't be easy, but I know you can do it, I know you can find someone better. You deserve better.." He whimpered under his breath, his tears falling onto the paper as he read it out. "You are strong, And I love you. But I am not, I am weak. I cant live life with these thoughts, with these mental taunts. Please get better Hyung. I love you, I know you can make it past this. I'm not giving up on you. I'll always be in your heart. Be safe.I'm here hyung-HueningKai" Soobin finished off, the page soaked in his own tears.

He gently folded back up and put it and Kais picture in his pocket as he watched the sunrise. "HueningKai! You were the one and only love of my life, without you I am nothing more than a shell. Y-You may not give up on me but I am giving up on myself. I want to be with you.." Soobins words got caught in his cries as he shouted to the world his own note to his lover. Responding to Kais words with verbal ones. "I-I hope to see you soon, my prince.." His voice a mere whisper as he closed his eyes. Soobin felt himself leaning into the ledge, feeling the chill of the air as he felt his heels leave the wall. Within his last moment his memories of Kai flashed in his mind, his breathing quickened. Yet within a second it stopped. A loud crunch sound was heard if only for a second by Soobins own ears. Feeling a hand on his cheek as his eyes fluttered open. Seeing Kai standing there with tears in his eyes. Finding his own eyes watering before quickly hugging him tightly. He didn't question it, seeing Kai, whether real or fake was all he wanted. "S-Say something.." Soobin whispered to him, shaky cries leaving him as he heard three simple words, the only words he needed to hear. "It's me hyung.."

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I cried multiple times while writing this, So my deepest apologies if you cried, but a good story brings out emotions. I hope none the less you enjoyed it. Till next time.