The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 16: Savvy

Nate's staring at me like I'm insane. Like I just told him that there's no Santa Claus and the tooth fairy really doesn't take the teeth under your pillow to use for her home.

Here's the thing... I know that I want an orgasm, hell, I'm fucking dying to have an orgasm, but when I was looking around at the party I wasn't seeing hot guys to get hot and heavy with. I wasn't seeing potential hook-ups or boyfriends. Nope. I was seeing walking STD signs and dirty fingers and guys who smelled like stale beer and throw up.

When Nate had went to get a second beer one of his frat brothers grabbed my hand and asked for a dance. I didn't mind, I love to flirt, I love to dance, I didn't see the harm. I went with him willingly. Hell, I went with a damn smile on my face for a prospect of an impending orgasm, but the second he put his hands on me it was like all of the things my mother tells me came flooding into my mind. No one will ever want you. You're not good enough. You're not even pretty. Thank God, no one will ever date you. You're funny if you think someone would actually be interested in you.

It's never been this bad before. Usually when the thoughts enter my mind, I push them to the side and say FUCK. HER. But lately it's on overload and anytime a guy shows any kind of interest in me, her words come barreling through and trample my self-esteem.

For years, her words ran marathons in my head, that's why I never felt worthy of a boyfriend. I never wanted to have to bring anyone home to meet...that. I never wanted to have to explain... that. But when I got to college I thought that everything was going to be different. I thought that not having her around would help me open up more and feel sexier, prettier, wanted.

It did, for a while and that's why I was able to have a few make out sessions and some hot and heavy petting here and there with some guys freshmen and sophomore year but now, when I've finally gotten to the point where I said enough is enough, and it's time for me to finally know what it's like to be with someone, for real. To finally open up and get to experience an orgasm, it's like my mother has to ruin that shit, too.

Her voice echoed in my head and I couldn't take it anymore. I was looking around, watching strangers hook up with one another. Watching as girls moaned in pleasure as guys sucked on their necks and I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't concentrate on the cute guy that I was dancing with, or the way his hands were skimming up and down on my body, so I left. I wandered outside to get some fresh air and when I heard the music, it made me happy.

Singing those songs helped me focus on something other then sex and my impending doom of not being able to feel one of the best sensations ever. That is, until Nate came into view again. His smoky gray eyes watched my every move in amusement and it lit a fire inside my belly. The way his lips curled at the corner. The way his eyes filled with fire at something his teammate said to him. The way his muscles tensed and the veins in his arms popped when he crossed his arms. It all sent lightening down my body and straight between my thighs.

I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted nothing more then to be alone with him, but now that I'm here I'm nervous as hell. I don't want to start anything and ruin what we have. Our friendship has blossomed in the short time that we've known each other and this guy has become one of my best friends. He's someone that I know I can call at all hours of the night if I needed to. Someone that I know would beat up a guy for making me cry. Hell, we made a pact to make sure that we wouldn't ruin things between us. Doesn't that tell you something? My subconscious yells at me but I can hardly hear her over the sound of my own heart beat when I see Nate lick his lips.

Ugh. Fuck. Me. God damnit. Why does he have to be so hot?!

"I'm sorry, what?" I blink up at him, my heart racing at his question. It takes me a few moments to realize that he's asking what at me telling him I wanted to get him alone and not because he's read my mind and knows that I think he's ungodly hot. I chuckle to myself, sitting up straight on the bed, "Nothing. I just figured we could talk. I was getting a little overwhelmed down there."