The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 33: Savvy

The alcohol swimming in my body couldn't help keep me calm. The minute I answered the phone and Brooks said 'Nate's in the hospital' my heart plummeted to the floor and every drop of alcohol in me evaporated. I don't even remember what else he said. It was like I was on autopilot and I stormed out of the house. I can't even tell you how I got to the hospital but all I remember is zooming past white room after white room looking for the room number that Brooks had told me.

Seconds turned into hours. My mind racing a mile a minute but nothing hit me more than when I reached Nate's hospital room and saw his lifeless body. My world stopped and I tried my best to hold back the sobs that wanted to escape. I felt my chest tighten and I swear I felt my heart break. The pain was too much. I had to grab my chest as I focused on controlling my breathing before I had a panic attack. I slowly entered the room, my body moving on its own accord. It's as if I was living outside of my own skin. I was in a daze. And the moment I touched his hand I choked out a sob. The warmth of his hand shocked the hell out of me. For some, unholy reason it reminded me that he was still here despite what he looked like.

His body was frozen, unmoving and like a lifeless corpse. His head was wrapped in gauze, his arm wrapped in a cast and tubes and wires were all over the place. It was like something out of a movie and something I had never seen before, especially on someone I cared about. Especially on someone I loved.

In that moment, seeing Nate like that, I knew that without a doubt, I had fallen in love with the guy who had become my best friend. Who had given me my first orgasm and who had looked at me every time we were together like I was something special. Like I meant something.

Why did it take so long for me to realize? For me to see? He wasn't like everyone else. He wasn't like what I had portrayed him to be. He wasn't the issue. I was. My upbringing was.

My mom had always put me down. Every single day. over and over I heard put down after put down. How I didn't deserve any type of happiness. And how no one would ever want to be with someone like me.

I told myself day in and day out that what she said wasn't the truth. That it was about her and not me. That it didn't bother me. But I can't lie anymore. I can't look past it. It's effected me in more ways than I realized and it made me push Nate away. I tried to blame it on him lying. Tried to use that as the excuse. And yeah, lying is a big thing for me, it has been since I was fourteen and found out my mom had lied to me about my dad my entire life. That's why I was so adamant about us not lying to each other. But it wasn't about that. Not even close.

It was about me. About me feeling like everything my mother ever told me was true because the guy I thought finally cared about me, the guy I thought was different, wasn't. We didn't have a story like one of those in the romance novels I've read. Ours was messy, fucked up and came about because of our mutual friends. Because of a game. Because of a dare. But it wasn't until now, seeing him lying there and not knowing what the future holds, that I realize that it never had to be like a fairy tale. I never had to be the princess and he doesn't need to be the prince charming. Because he is my prince charming and I am his princess. Our story is unique but it's ours.

I lace my fingers through his, leaning down and kissing him on the cheek. "Wake up, Nate. Please, wake up. I need to tell you something. Please." I look over at him but there's nothing. No change. No nothing. Tears begin to fall and I suck in a breath. "Please be okay. I need you to wake up, Nate."

I need him to be okay. I need him to wake up so I can tell him. He needs to know how I feel. He needs to know that I forgive him and that I'm sorry for keeping my distance. That I over reacted when I shouldn't have. That it's about me and not him. He's good. Pure. He's different and him and I together are more than just friends and I'm tired of pretending. I need him to know.

More tears fall from my eyes as I clutch to his hand harder. I can't give him up. I won't. I hate that it took his accident for me to realize but I have and I need him. I. Need. Him.

...

Four days. Four days and Nate still hasn't woken up. I've come to visit him every day, stayed as long as I could and have barely been paying attention to what I need to get done for the upcoming semester. Brooks told me that he called Nate's mom. It wasn't the way I wanted to meet her but the short brunette never failed to put a smile on my face. She told me story after story of Nate's childhood past and it made me feel more and more connected to him. I would sit on his hospital bed, holding his hand, listening to his mom talk about her memories and laugh thinking about the good times with her boy.

It broke my heart anytime her sweet smile and her lovely laugh would turn into a sad grin while tears filled her eyes. She would watch her sweet boys unmoving body, silently praying for him to wake up.

We touched on Nate's dad, Jamie. He tried his best to get to Connecticut but by the time anyone could reach him Nate was already two days into a coma and Jamie couldn't get a flight until tomorrow. His mom told him to stay and she'd keep him updated and they could take it from there to see when he could come see his son. She didn't seem angry toward Jamie but there was definitely hurt laced in between her words.

I went home to grab a shower and change, stopping to get some coffee for everyone before returning to the hospital. I almost stop in my tracks when I hear voices coming from Nate's room. It's Letty and Brooks. My heart flutters a little and a small smile cracks on my face. I know how much Letty has missed him even though he hurt her and to hear the lightness in her tone as the flirt makes me feel slightly better with everything going on.

The second I walk into the room, they jump apart and I almost laugh at how ridiculous it all is. Do they really think I don't know what's going on? I was pissed beyond belief at Brooks when everything first went down but looking back and seeing his face, seeing the way he was with my best friend, the thoughtful things he's done. I know it was more than just a game to him and in time I'm hoping he can prove it to Letty as well, and as much as I would love to intervene I won't. I can't. I don't know how Letty is truly feeling and I won't pretend to know. My best friend has been through a lot in her life and she deserves unending happiness and I will support her in whatever decisions she makes whether I agree with them or not.

I'm focused on Letty and Brooks when a hoarse voice registers and I jump so high in shock that I drop the coffee I bought. I look over, tears instantly filling my eyes when I see Nate moving slightly. His eyes blinking open as he tries to clear his throat. I run over putting my forehead to his and breathing him in. "Oh my God." He lets out a breath at the same time I let out a breathy sigh. "Hi," I whisper to him when I see his storm gray eyes looking at me.

"Hi," his voice is barely above a whisper as we stare into each others eyes. I reach over grabbing some ice chips for him to suck on to help his throat. Someone mentions something about a doctor and how mad Nate's mom is going to be that she went to take a shower when he woke up, but I don't hear anything. I'm too focused on the gray eyes I've missed so much.

He's awake. He's okay. My heart is filled with so much emotion and I have no idea what to do about it. What if he still thinks I'm mad at him? What if everything we had is ruined? What if he just wants to remain friends? Hell, what if he can't remember anything because of his head injury? My mind floods with question after question and my heart rate picks up but the moment Nate reaches out and laces our fingers together, the room, the world, stands still. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters because he's okay and he's here. We're both here and no matter what happens at least I know I have him. I'm not letting him go. Ever.