The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 28: Savvy

My heart is thumping in my chest as I stand still staring at the guy I thought I knew so well. In such a short time Nate has come to mean so much to me it hurts. He's become more than just a friend. More than a best friend. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. The last thing I see before I fall asleep. Thoughts of him consume my dreams and I itch to text, call and talk to him regularly.

When I saw him dressed in his suit tonight my heart skipped a beat and then when he kissed me in the car...It was like the fourth of July. Fireworks, electricity, heat and every kind of buzz you can imagine was set aflame inside of me. My stomach tightened and I felt liquid lust fill my core. I wanted to jump him right then and there at the red light. I wanted him-needed him-inside of me. I never felt that way before.

Sure I've been horny, hell, I'm horny most of the time I'm around him, but this was different. I've never had that desire, that urge and utter need to feel someone inside of me. Like nothing else mattered but being able to feel their warmth, their soul, their being, pulsing inside of me.

But that all changed the minute that slimy little fox came up to us at he bar. I've always despised Serena. Something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. The way she held herself, the way she felt the need to drape over every single being in a jersey. Anyone on some sort of sports team, hoping from one guy to the next. It makes me sick.

I'm all for empowering women. We have every right to enjoy sex as much as men do, just like we have every right to have as many lays as they do, but something about Serena just screams desperate. She's not after guys because she wants to sleep with them for pleasure. It's not because she's in love, or in like or in lust. It's purely because she's hoping to trap someone in her tiny claws and make them take care of her. She wants someone purely for status or money and that just doesn't sit right with me. Especially when she goes after guys she knows are taken, like Brooks for example.

I don't even want to think about what kind of diseases she has. Nor do I want to know if Nate has ever been with her.

My rage builds just thinking about the possibility of them being together and I want nothing more than to punch him in his gut. He has the nerve to look at me with such heartbreak right now but I'm not going to be fooled. I'm the one who's heart broken but I can't even show it. No one here knows what's been going on between Nate and I and I have to be strong for my bestie.

Letty always hated Brooks, said she didn't trust him and hated the type of person he was. I figured it was because he was a jock. A big man on campus type who had a shit ton of money and unbelievable connections due to his family so I never pushed it. I figured when he began trying with her that it was all in good fun and that Letty should just hate fuck him. Get all the pent up frustration out and then it turned into something more. Something real. Or so we thought.

I watched my best friend fall more and more for the guy she claimed she hated and I loved every second of it because I thought I was watching Brooks fall too. I was so happy to see her happy because she deserved it after everything she's ever been through. She needed someone to open up her heart and show her what love was. But now more than ever I feel sick to my stomach. It was all a lie. A game that he was playing her at and Nate knew the entire time.

There's no way he didn't and by the way he's staring at me, eyes filled with so much agony, I know for a fact he knew.

Anger, guilt and shame drown out the noise of Letty and Brooks arguing. Of the crowd surrounding us and the voices lingering as I stare at the guy I thought was my best friend. The guy I was falling for. He's watching me with so much sadness and I can feel the fire burning inside me. My anger is bubbling and I can't take it anymore. I feel my best friend grab my hand, I look up to see the pain on her face and decide it's better to get her out of here. I can't let her fall apart here but it's killing me. I can't do it.

Taking a deep breath I turn back around before we can go anywhere. I walk over to Nate, my eyes never leaving his as I glide toward him with my shoulders back. The minute I reach him I wipe my hand up across his face, hearing small gasp fall around me as the sting from the slap echoes in the space.

"I trusted you," I say, making sure my voice remains calm and cold, "You promised me no secrets and you were holding on to the biggest one of all." I hold back from turning my fury onto Brooks, knowing that my best friend is barely holding it together behind me. "You and me? What we were doing? What we had? It's done." I say with finality, making sure he sees the hatred in my eyes. The hurt. "We're done. We're no longer friends. You got it?" Hurt flashes across his face and I watch him blink a few times, trying to keep tears at bay but he fails and a few fall down his face.

My stomach twists in knots at the sight, turning around quickly I grab Letty's hands and we hastily walk out of the parking lot, calling for an uber to come pick us up.

I watch as my best friend lets silent tears roll down her face and I pull her into the tightest hug I can manage as our worlds collapse around us.

I never thought losing him. Losing them. Would hurt so damn much. The ride home is quiet and the minute we get into the apartment Letty goes straight to her room, slamming the door and I know my best friend is breaking down. I close my eyes, wanting to scream, sob and throw anything in my reach but it's not about me. I have to keep reminding myself that my best friend just went through the worst of it and where she lost the guy she fell in love with, I just simply lost a guy who gave me a few orgasms. Liar the voice inside my head yells but I drown her out.

Making my way into the kitchen, I open the fridge, grab a bottle of beer and collapse to the floor in a heap of tears. I can't control it anymore. I throw my head back against the fridge and let the sobs escape me. When I think I can't cry anymore I open my eyes and bile rising in my stomach. I throw the beer bottle across the kitchen, letting the sound of glass shattering fill the air and the liquid poor down the cabinets.

Everywhere I look I see him. In the kitchen devouring me. In the living room as we watched movies. In my room where we talked for hours. I can't do this. I don't know how.

After what feels like hours I pick my defeated self up off the floor, peeling the gown off of my body and make my way into the shower. Collapsing to the floor, I let the warm water take my tears and sorrow down the drain.

When my body is thoroughly pruned, I wrap myself in a towel, pick up the dress and drag myself to my room. I look down at the blue-gray gown that reminds me so much of the guy I thought I was different. The guy I wanted to be different. And I feel anger rise up again.

I ball the dress in my hands and throw it across my room. Growling at the thoughts running through my head. I want to hit myself, yelling at the fucker for permanently branding himself into my thoughts.

No. This is not happening. I will not let myself get this worked up over a guy. Especially one I wasn't even dating.

I dress in my pajamas before sucking down my pride and going to check on my best friend. I knock on her door lightly before peeking inside. Letty's curled up in her bed but I can hear her silent wails and the slight shine of the moon coming through the window makes the shuddering of her body a sure sign that she's crying. I make my way inside, curling up behind her and hugging her to me.

We're silent the entire time while I let my bestie let it all out and when her breathing finally even's out and I know she's fallen asleep I make the decision that her and I are not going to let these guys get to us. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure they stay off of our minds and that we can move on without them. I close my eyes and force myself not to growl when I see Nate's shimmering eyes behind my lids. Fuck. This is going to be harder than I thought. I can't let him get to me. I won't.