The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 32: Savvy

These past few weeks have been...different. Letty and I have been focused on work, the upcoming semester and indulging. A lot. The amount of alcohol we've consumed is probably way beyond what our livers can handle but it's been helping with clearing our minds. Or, at least, ridding our minds for a little bit of the two guys who have branded themselves into our skulls.

Letty's been taking extra shifts at Wade's when we're not partying it up by ourselves in the apartment and I've taken a few extra at the library because being in the apartment a lone was starting to get to me. I see Nate everywhere. I want to text him. I want to talk to him. I need to. But for some reason, every time I attempt to pick up the phone, it's like those loud voices shout at me in the back of my mind. Or rather, that one loud voice.

I told you no one would ever want you. I told you you were never good enough. Silly girl, you really thought that boy liked you. That someone like him could ever be attracted to someone like you. No, sweetheart, he was only in your life because his friend was dared to date yours. My mothers voice has been screaming at me since I found out about the true reason Brooks and Nate waltzed into our lives and I can't seem to shake it.

I want to believe him when he said it wasn't all a lie. That we weren't a lie, but he didn't tell me the truth. He kept it from me.

I've been battling with myself over it because, would I keep it from him too if the situation was in reverse? The answer to that would be an automatic NO because I wouldn't be stupid enough to get myself in the situation. Who the fuck dare's someone to date another person? Fucked up people, that's who. And do I really want that in my life? No. No I don't. I already have fucked up people in my life, namely my family, and I don't need anymore.

I nod to myself and then jump when someone clears their throat behind me. "Um...you okay, Savvy?" I turn around, clasping my chest before letting out a slight chuckle. "I'm good Harlow, thanks. You just startled me for a second."

She laughs and I smile at the purple haired girl. Harlow Williams, as she introduced herself a few weeks ago, is the sweetest thing I've ever come across. She reminds me of a doll. She's a hippie dippie little thing and I fell in love with her the minute she came over and introduced herself.

"Hey," she gave me a shy little wave, "I'm Harlow Williams. Harlow is fine. Or Lo. Most of my friends call me, Lo. I just started working here so I'm trying to introduce myself to all the new faces I see. I haven't met you yet but the other guy, Matt, I think his name was? He told me about you. You're Savvy right? Yeesh, you're pretty. Oh, shit, sorry. I'm not, like lesbian or anything. I mean, well, I could be. I have nothing against that. Maybe one day, if I find a girl I find super attractive or I'm drunk or super high or something. I don't know. Who knows," she shrugged, looking up at me before her eyes went wide, "I'm strickly dickly. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I am so sorry, I tend to ramble when I get nervous and for some reason I'm nervous right now, which is super strange because usually I'm a kickass person. Honestly, I can throw down. I can handle myself. I don't take shit from anyone." I had laughed at this point which helped the situation because she then let out a breath which led to me introducing myself and saving her from her misery.

Every time I work with this girl it's a delight and a pleasant distraction from the man in my head. Like now, for instance. She scared me out of thinking about him and my mother. I love her. I do.

"You were talking to yourself. Or, at least I thought you were talking to yourself. I didn't mean to startle you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay and let you know that if you need someone to talk to I'm here. I know we haven't known each other for a while but I'm told I'm a good listener and I don't judge." She shrugs and I laugh again. Yeah, I don't doubt that for a second. This girl seems too sweet to hold shit against someone. With her light purple hair, dark brown eyes and milky skin, she gives off a wiccan look, but that mixed with her bellbottoms and crocheted top? I don't know, she constantly gives me the urge find some weed and light up.

"I was? Sorry, Lo. I just have a lot on my mind, but thank you for letting me know I can talk to you."

She smiles, "Of course."

"Hey, can you take those pile of books and put them back on the shelves? They should all be in the psych section. Someone just returned them."

"Yeah, sure." Lo walks off with the books and I lose myself in thoughts of Nate once more until big burly hands clap down on the table, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, pretty girl." I look up to see a familiar hockey player. The guy Letty had once made out with and the one that red headed snake of a girl Serena has-or had- been draped all over. I don't blame her. He's hot. Definitely gives off Chad Michael Murray via One Tree Hill vibes. With his blonde hair and dark blue eyes, I can definitely see why people are attracted to him.

"What can I do for you..." I let the sentence hang, hoping he's going to fill in his name. When he sat at our table at the auction that day there was so much tension. The guys seemed on edge with him around and later out we figured out why. Because he was the orchestrator behind the dare. His name is on the tip of my tongue but I just can't place it.

Murray-what I've decided to call him until he fills in the blanks- smiles at me. Instead of answer my question he asks me one of his own. "Can you tell me if you have-," he stops in the middle of his sentence and when I look up I see him staring over my shoulder. I turn around as I see Lo walking back toward me with two books in her hands. She probably doesn't know where they go.

I clear my throat and Murray shakes his head at me. He waits for Lo to look up at him and when she sees who it is, the poor girl freezes as if she's seen a ghost. Her arms go slack and she drops the books. I look between the two and notice Murray's sly smirk form on his face. Ugh. Jerk.

"Well, well, well, I see someone's still a klutz." His words hold a slight edge to them, even though they're made to come out in amusement. Almost like he's unsure of if he wants to make the comment or not. Lo clears her throat before bending down to pick up her books. "You two know each other?" I ask looking at Harlow. She nods before clearing her throat. Her voice comes out smaller than usual, "Yeah. Kyle and I have known each other since middle school."

I hear the slight growl come from behind me and I turn to see Kyle's- Ah, Ky, now it's coming back to me- staring at Lo. What the fuck? He looks almost tortured before he blinks hitting his palm down on the desk and saying, "Never mind. I'll find it myself. Gotta get going for the game. Thanks," and walking off. What the fuck was that about?

I didn't pressure Lo for answers after that because she seemed a little out of sorts but it was enough to distract me from what was going on in my head. That is until I got home after my shift and memories came flooding back into my mind. God, I'm starting to hate my apartment. If I could give advice to anyone, it would be to never do anything in your own space because all of those memories are going to be permanently there and every time you step foot into your space you're going to be reminded of it.

I growl to myself. We should've put in the pact that we only hung out at his frat house considering neither of us ever go there anyway. We wouldn't have to be reminded of the memories in our own places. God damnit. I hate this.

I grab my phone, hovering over his name on the screen when the voice taunts me once more. He never cared about you. No one could ever care about you. You're worthless. You can't do anything right. Couldn't even figure out that he was lying to you the whole time.

I slam my phone down on the counter just as Letty walks in from her shift. I turn around, grab a bottle of tequila and wiggle it at her. "Care to get fucked up tonight?"

She throws down her bag, nodding, "Abso-fucking-lutely." She grabs the bottle from me and takes a deep swig before I can even get out the shot glasses. Yup, we're drowning in it tonight. Can't wait to escape and forget about everything that is Nate Burrows.

That is until my cell phone goes off at an ungodly hour waking me up to a nightmare.