The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 36: Nate

Her breath hitches and I wait for her to respond. I didn't plan on telling her I loved her. I planned on waiting. I wanted to wait. To give her time. To make her understand that I had these feelings before anything changed. But that's the thing about love, it consumes you. It invades every spare piece of you and oozes out of you in a never ending sea. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had to tell her.

Panic starts to set in as she stares at me, not saying a word. Her eyes dancing over my face as if she's turning over the words in her head and hasn't a clue how to reply. She clenches her eyes shut for a second while she takes a deep breath and I brace myself because I feel it coming. She's going to tell me she doesn't feel the same way and my life is going to fall apart. But I need to remind myself that even if she doesn't feel the same way I need to find a way to keep her in my life. She's means more to me then that. I can't lose her if she doesn't feel the same way. I'll suck up my pride and swallow down my feelings if that's what I need to do.

When her eyes open, tears start to stream down and I quickly reach over to swipe them away. My brows furrow and I go to open my mouth and ask her if she's okay but she talks first. "It was never about you lying Nate. Well, not mostly," she chuckles a little and it cracks a small smile on my face. "It was about me. It was all about me and my messed up head."

"Huh?"

She lets out a heavy sigh and I sit back, giving her some space to tell me what's going through that pretty head of hers. "My entire life my mother has put me down. I mean, you've seen some of the messages but it was a lot worse growing up in the home. Every day, every second, there was something else that was wrong. Something else that was my fault and then my older brother started to take on the same role as her. Putting me down, time and time again and I tried to fight it. I tried to be stronger then it because I know that what they say is more about them than me. I know that. Logically, I know that. But deep down, deep inside," she pushes down on her chest, "it's always going to be with me. Eating at me. That small voice constantly playing in the back of my mind that I'm not good enough. That no one would ever want me. That I'm nothing."

"You're not-"

She holds up a hand cutting me off. "I know. I know. We've had this conversation before but it doesn't change the fact that it's always going to be there. Always going to be whispering in my ear. I need to learn to live with it. To push the voice, my mothers voice, to the side and just swallow it but it's hard. And then when I found out about the dare, it just made me feel like everything she ever told me was true. That she was right the whole time. That you never wanted me. You never even wanted to be my friend because I wasn't good enough. That you were only there because your best friend needed to get mine to fall for him and I was a convenience."

I shake my head frantically getting ready to open my mouth but she stops me again. "I know. I see it now. Not only in your words but your actions. I know that that wasn't true. And yeah, it hurt that you lied to me. Really hurt because that's something my mother has done to me my whole life. She told me that my dad was a psychopath. Someone who treated her horribly and never wanted us. Never wanted me. But when I was fourteen I had a school project for class, something about a family tree, so I went digging through old photographs and I came across picture after picture of my father holding me. Loving me, and smiling down at me when I was a baby. And then I found a letter." Fresh tears form in her eyes and her voice cracks a little. "He wrote us each a letter. One to me, mom and my brother. He explained how much he loved us but that he couldn't handle it anymore. He wanted us to take care of each other and love one another in a way that he just couldn't. I did some research, reached out to his side of the family that my mother had kept us away from and found out that my father suffered from severe depression and had refused to take medicine. He didn't like the way that it made him feel. He ended up killing himself before I turned two and my mother lied to me about it my entire life."

Letting in a huge breath I nod my head, "So when you found out I lied, it felt like I had betrayed you in the same way your mom had." It wasn't a question. I knew that that's exactly how she felt and she confirmed by nodding.

"Yeah. But after the time we spent apart I realized that it wasn't about you...mostly. It was everything that I've been living with. Everything that I've been pushing down and it all just came to the surface when you hurt me. Because it hurt Nate. A lot. But then, when I saw you in the hospital and found out about the accident, I just..." More tears fall down her face and I grab her pulling her into my chest. I hold onto her tight like I'm never going to let her go.

"Shhh, baby. It's okay."

"I thought I lost you," she chokes out and I close my eyes. God, I don't want her to be upset. I don't want to ever hurt this girl. My girl.

"But you didn't, princess. I'm right here. I'm holding you right here and I'm never letting you go."

"I don't want you to ever let me go," she pulls back just a little to meet my gaze, " I love you Nathaniel Burrows. I think I have from the moment I met you. The moment you came knocking at my apartment door in your damn sweat pants. And I've fallen for you more and more with each passing day. Each time you revealed more about yourself you chipped away the part of me that thought I'd never deserve a man like you and I'm so happy you did because I want to be with you Nate. I want us to be more than just friends. I just want...us."

I cup her face, staring deep into her eyes, "Baby, you're wrong though. It was me who didn't deserve you and I plan to spend every chance I get trying to prove to you that I'm worthy of you because Savvy, I don't ever want to let you go again. I won't."

She nods, giving me a soft smile and I wipe away a few stray tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. Sav, stares up at me with her glistening caramel eyes. "Kiss me," she whispers and without hesitation I lean down planting my lips on hers in the best possible way. It feels like fresh air has filled my lungs. Like the world has stopped spinning. Like life is just beginning. And it's all because of this girl.

This beautiful, wonderfully imperfect princess that I now get to call mine. Savannah George is now mine and I can't wait to scream it to the world. Or at least, make it known to every fucking guy at this school. For now.