I effing love you

Part 51

The echo from my iPhone is still ringing in my ears as I wait for Jordan to pick up. All day he avoided me in school, I don't know what his problem is. To be honest I'm getting quite sick of Jordan's random mood swings and his temper. I mean I didn't do anything...I don't know what he thinks I did but I don't know why he doesn't just stop being a baby and actually talk to me about it. I'm so mad I could- I could..punch him!
I groan loudly when Jordan's non existent leave a message voice comes up and throw my phone down on the bed, stomping downstairs.
"No success?" Missy wonders, frying some veg for our stir fry. She's been trying to do some cooking lately so we don't all put on a million pounds from takeaways and pot noodles.
"No...I don't even care...he's such a dickhead" I complain.
"Yeah... it doesn't even make any sense though what does he mean?"
"I have no idea! Like what did I even say?"
"Ugh fuck him he's so dramatic...I think this is done" she says turning down the heat.
"Mmmm yummy!" It smells beautiful, I don't think I've had a home cooked meal in forever.
I yell at Haley to come down, the food is delicious, I have to give credit to Missy she really outdone herself, I don't even think about Jordan once while I stuff my face evidently it makes me feel better.

Rolling into bed that night, Haley has a smirk on her face while her fingers type away on her phone. No doubt it's Riz..she doesn't even hear me when I say good night! I'm kinda sad then..I normally text Jordan good night..
Instead I pull out my english textbook and start reading over the pages..GSCES are getting closer by the day maybe I should just take this opportunity and stop putting boys before my studies. Besides it's not Jordan that's going to make me successful..still he's the one that makes me happy. Ew, ok no..get it together Ali you'll get over this. This day next week the two of you will be back to normal and you'll think back and laugh at how silly you were. I wish I believed myself a bit more but instead I bury my head in the book and forget about everything.
When I turn off the light and snuggle in my phone buzzes..I consider turning over but I stop myself. It's not going to be Jordan it'll just be some random snap and then I'll be disappointed all over again. No, I'll wait until tomorrow.

The alarm blares my ear. Fuck it anyway..I think rolling over in the bed. My hair is stuck to my face, I was in such a deep sleep. I actually had a dream about Jordan leaving me on a bus. So weird...I don't even get the bloody bus.
I pull my uniform on and only just remember to put my English book back in my back. I look particularly rough today and blend in a little concealer so as not to scare everyone off. "You ready?" Haley shouts up the stairs.
"Yeah coming!" I mumble back still feeling sleepy.
I put my phone in my blazer pocket, splash some water on my face and head out.

"Did you see Monica's new boyfriend?" Haley asks me as we walk up to school. "No..why who is he?"
"He's literally like 20 he's got a car and everything" she exclaims.
"Trust me that's not gonna end well" i scoff, while my stomach rumbles. I'm going to have to buy some food I think. "She posted a pic of him last night..he's minging"
"No way I have to see" I pull out my phone to look up her Instagram. The minute i open it a message comes up.
"Wait..hold on a minute" I say quietly to Haley stopping in my tracks.
This isn't going to work anymore..I'm sorry but i just think it's time I have too much going on.
My heart thumps. It thumps so loud and I can feel everything swaying. I keep re-checking the name at the top of my screen. From Jordan. Jordan. Jordan Wilson. Jordan. My boyfriend.
Well....no- he's- not...
"What? I told you he's ugly- check he's tagged!" Haley says grabbing the phone out of my hand.
Her face drops to a confused state when she sees I'm not even on Instagram. I can see her eyes scan over the words on screen and her mouth falls to an o.
I look at her with wide eyes.
"What the fuck just happened?" I say shakily, I almost sound like I'm laughing. Maybe I am laughing. Is this all some joke? Could one of the lads have stolen his phone..? Was he so drunk he doesn't remember?
Haley smacks her mouth and then looks over realising.
She pulls me into a hug, squashing me.
We're right in the middle of the footpath but I actually don't give a fuck because...well because I don't have to worry about that one person anymore. "I'm gonna kill him" she says with a look of such fury. "Don't..at least don't in front of everyone" I say even I know that might be going a step too far for my public image. "Do you want to go home?" Haley asks concerned. Her concern is nearly making everything worse. "I- I don't..no am it's fine" I can hear in my own voice the lack of awareness. "Wait till Missy hears this" she says fiercely but calmer than before. "This doesn't feel real.." I mutter running my hands through my hair.
"Ali...I'm so sorry..he's an idiot you know he's an idiot..this is nothing to do with you at all it's him"
"Yeah..." I take a sharp exhale in "why doesn't that make me feel any better?" I say hearing the heartbreak in my own voice. I'm too stunned to even cry. I don't know has this properly hit yet.
"Are you sure you don't want to turn back?" Haley asks again with her arm on my shoulder, "I can't.." as much as I'd like to go home and eat gallons of food and cry until I pass out something in my forces my to go on. It could be Mr Hyatt's science test or maybe I want to show Jordan that he didn't bother me..I'm strong without him I don't need him...but to be honest it's more likely the first one.
I link my arm with Haley's and we walk in together.

I see Jordan across the yard. "Don't even look" Haley mutters, if she hadn't forced me to look unbothered I might have run up to him. It feels so abnormal..why can't I go over? He's my best friend...I love him. I pull my eyes away and sit on the bench, everyone else is complaining of the cold but I can't feel it.
Haley is sitting beside me and I poke her side gently. She squeezes my finger back. It was my way of telling her not to tell any of the other girls. I'm not in the mood for all the clamouring and comments going to be made, if it has to happen it can wait until tomorrow or the next day.
I'm dreading going into class..so much so that I think I might actually be sick.
"I'll be back in a minute" I announce to the table who barely notice as they're all in an avid discussion about Monica's new boy racer boyfriend. Haley gives me a worried glance "just going to the toilet" I say meekly to reassure her and she gives me a little nod and smile.
Jordan and all his cronies are sitting with one leg hitched on to the yellow bars..normally I wouldn't think twice but now they all seem intimidating. I know better and use one of the side door entrances, it's really only supposed to be for the disabled kids and I feel a little guilty but nobody's around and it's desperate times.
I make it to the bathroom just in time.
Missy's stir fry burns the back of my throat as I retch into the open toilet. I try to make as little noise as possible but it's not easy.
"Are you okay in there?" I recognise Alyas voice. Shit..
She's going to know it's me now and will probably spread a rumour that I've got bulimia or something. I open the cubicle door weakly "yeah fine just not feeling great" I say trying to make as small a deal as possible as I wash my hands. She just stands there looking at me with her arms crossed..never mind what I said about the boys being intimidating I feel like I'm under watch.
"You're very pale" she says looking me up and down. I don't answer.
She just sights and walks over closer.
"Here" she hands me a bottle of perfectly chilled water.
The shock on my face must say it all because she laughs slightly "I haven't poisoned it or anything"
I smile gratefully and take some sips. "Keep it" she says and walks out.
I don't even get to say thank you before she whisks out of the room.
I breathe out a heavy sigh. I feel like bursting into tears but look at myself in the mirror...
"You can do this" i mutter. It's completely cringe but it does help slightly and I stick a face on and march out ready to face Mr Hyatt's science.

"Right no messing around here it is..." Mr Hyatt shouts hovering test papers over our heads.
Jordan isn't here.
Oh wait..spoke to soon. Jordan flys through the door nearly knocking the beakers. "Late Mr Wilson! But at least you showed up for our lovely test" Mr Hyatt says handing him the first one. He barely glances at it. He doesn't glance at me either.
I look at my own test in front of me. I've been studying for days now, I know it all back to front but the words are whizzing around my page. I rub my eyes but still my head feels a million miles away.
Why would he do this...? Why..? My heart is getting faster and faster.
Did he not love me at all? He dumped me..not only did he dump me..he dumped me by text!
My whole life in Ackley has been spent with Jordan around how am I supposed...what-
What am I even going to do..
"Ten minutes class!" Mr Hyatt says clapping his hands.
I jump at the sound of his voice causing some people around me to giggle.
I jot down some shit about Bunsen burners.

Hey! Sorry this took aaaaages and all I can say is sorry!! I was in a bad headspace and just couldn't do anything but happy that I could give you this! What do you think?? Currently I'm playing around with different ideas and endings in my head but I think it'll be a while yet before I end this story I hope that's okay! I wanted this chapter to be kinda blunt to make it seem like you're very much in Alison's head hence why I didn't use much description etc, as I'm just trying to show she's in shock. It was a lil short but I'll try update again tomorrow I'm doing online school but I don't think it will slow me down too much.
Please let me know what you think I loveeee reading comments and maybe leave some ideas of what you think will happen?? Who knows you might guess right hahahah
Thanks xxxx