I effing love you

Part 59

"You can't just shut me out Jordan!" I yell desperately as soon as we get in the door, he turns around furiously, "Fuck off...WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?"
"I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" I say feeling the tears wet my face,
"WELL GO THEN...GO ON!" He yells, making me take a step back,
"Why are you doing this?" My voice breaks,
"DOING WHAT?"
"TALK TO ME!" He turns around with a swift movement,
"I SAID FUCK OFF!" He bangs his fist into the wall and I cover my head with my hands ducking down,
There's a loud silence, and I lift my head slowly, Jordan is already gone into the sitting room.
I sit in silence on the floor beside the door, my tears drip down my face, this wasn't how today was supposed to be...

"Bye..." I say solemnly feeling the heavy silence, Jordan has his head buried into the cushions and doesn't lift his head at the sound of my voice.
A heaviness drifts over my as I walk down the garden path...I don't want to leave...The tears threaten to brim over my eyelids and all I can think is one thing..just get home...just get home..
There's a note left on the counter when I get in- "gone out with Nas Haley with Raz"
I sigh...What will I do now? I walk numbly around the house..I look at the photos on the walls, they haven't been changed since Nana was here and it doesn't seem fair to take them down now..there's lots of Mum and Simone when they were young, small little blonde babies with gummy mouths, blonde seems to be a popular gene in this family I must have missed out on.
I creak up the stairs and see Simone passed out on the bed fully clothed, I go into my room and close the door...
Sitting on the bed, the sun is warmly lighting up the walls, my bed is made perfectly with all the pillows stacked up neatly, Haley's on the other hand looks like a bomb has hit..I decide to get up and make it for her..she could do with changing the sheets they're stained with tan but I don't have the energy to do that now..
"Oh!" I say unexpectedly out loud as a little book falls out from the pillow case..I pick it up examining the leather blue cover..flicking through the pages I realise this must be Haley's diary, I've never seen her write in diary's..I'd love to have a peak at some of the pages but I smile gently placing it back where it belongs, a little white square falls out of the back cover..picking it up I sit down on the side of the bed to examine it..
It's a photo from Jordan's "going away" party..smiling back at me is a much happier version of me...I almost don't recognise myself standing with Missy, Haley, Jordan and Cory..I'm right in the middle with Haley and Jordan's arms across my shoulders...beaming.
It's funny..I should have been so upset then..Jordan was leaving..I didn't think I'd ever see him again..I was wrong of course but..but- well now everything really is changing and there's no miracle that could stop it.
Quickly I shove the photo back in the diary and jogs over to my desk, taking out the laptop I know exactly what I need to do.
I've never been more sure of something in my entire life and my finger tap, tap, tap away in determination.
As soon as I find exactly what I'm looking for I jot down ever single detail I need, then I go onto my next quest scanning out everything and writing out the top three.
Finally, I take out my phone and scroll right down to the bottom of my contacts list...
"Dad"
I notice the last message is from April last year and I scoff to myself typing out the quick message.
"Right then" I say pushing myself up and go over to the mirror..
I look a mess I untangle my hair brushing it smoothly into a bun and rub moisturiser into my face before applying more mascara and throwing a peace sigh into the mirror,
Dressing for comfort with some grey joggers, a T-shirt and trainers.
"Oh hello love..you not gone out with the others" Simone says putting her head around the door sleepily...
"Actually Simone..I'm just leaving..you might not see me until tomorrow!"
Before her confused face can answer I'm flying down the stairs in a sort of gallop grabbing a penguin bar off the counter.

When I get outside it's dark and I'm shocked I never noticed the time pushing on..Missy and Haley mustn't be planning on coming home either..nevertheless the cold air hasn't set in yet, I run all the way down the streets, I seem to have no problem running when I have something to run to and I don't stop once not even to knock on a door.
"Hello!" I yell into Mr Wilson and Cory sitting on the couch, they don't have any time to answer before I tumble up the stairs,
"Right!" I exhale bursting in and swiftly closing the door behind me,
"Wha-
"Yes..yes I know fuck off and all that! But you know what I don't want to fuck off because in case you haven't realised I do actually care about you..and- and- well yes you've had a shitty time but you know what who fucking cares Jordan because- well you've also got loads of people who actually care about you and I know we've both been avoiding it but we both know that well we might not have much time left together and instead of screaming at each other well-
I gasp loudly bending over, "I've run all the bloody way over here" I say holding onto my sides,
Jordan just stares at me with his mouth dangling over...
"You're fucking insane.."
I grab the half drank bottle of water off his bedside table staying by the door before he gets up and grabs it from me,
"I'm sorry..yeah?"
"Yeah..but- why didn't you mention you wanted to see your mum?"
"Just..well- didn't tell anyone really"
"Yeah..but I thought you know you might come to me"
"Ali..I love you..more than I probably love anyone else..it's not because I didn't want to tell you..I'm just..mad?"
I giggle loudly..
"Sorry.." I say covering my mouth,
"Are you laughing at my trauma?"
"No..but-well yes you are a bit mad aren't you?"
We both laugh loudly, "Your Mums a bitch" I say plainly...
"Massive bitch.."
"Question?"
"Hit me" I say not breaking his eye contact..
"Do you know who your dad is?"
I smile..
"Yes.."
He nods his head,
"He lives in South Africa..got another wife and two little boys...he's actually rich..that's where I get any money from..unfortunately that's the only contact he seems to care for"
Jordan takes in everything that I've said..
"Can you believe I've never asked you that before?"
"No...I never really asked about your Mum...did you want me to?"
"No..."

"That's what I like about you..."
"What?"
"It's like-..it's like I can forget...like you know whenever I'm with you..everything seems good..even if  it's not good on the outside"
A tear drips down my face..but I'm smiling,
"That's a lot of words for you.." I say laughing lightly, he smirks back,
"I feel the same" I say looking at him in the eye..
"Sometimes I wish we could stay like this forever..." I say looking around at the posters on his wall,
"We can't you know?"
"I know..." he answers,
We both look at each other sadly and I plop down on the bed lying back on the pillows he comes and joins me laying on one side,
After a long silence I turn and face him..
"Aren't you gonna fuck me then?"
He smiles wildly.

Jordan's hand slaps over my mouth just as I'm close to calling out..
"Jesus" i mutter grabbing onto the pillows behind me,
"Fuck...fuck.." Jordan pants loudly on top of me...
He rolls over when we're both done and my stomach and chest are still moving up and down,
"That was good" I laugh,
"Fuckin hell" is the only reply I get and it's enough to make me light up,
I pull myself up and sit up straight on Jordan's stomach one leg wrapped around each side, I love how I don't even have to check my stomach or my thighs around him..He laces his fingers into my hands and lies staring up at me while I move his hand around in mine,
"I set Mums pub on fire"
"WHAT?" I mouth in disbelief...
"About an hour before you came...it's on fire"
I stare at him madly...then..we laugh.
We laugh and we laugh and we laugh.
Then he pulls me back down and starts to kiss my boobs softly,
"Does this mean you're going to jail?" I ask scratching the back of his head gently,
"Maybe...thought you liked bad boys" he says cheekily...
"Do you know? I think I'm just immune to being shocked with you now...like this is so serious but-
"But this is more fun than talking" he interrupts making his way down below my stomach.

There's a loud knock.
We both jump up quickly...
"Are you expecting someone?" I ask shaking,
He's already pulling his clothes back on and I follow suit in my haste forgetting to pick up my bra off the floor, instead I just swoop it under the bed.
Mr Wilson goes to the door with Corey running upstairs to us, we all sit on the stairs trying to keep out of sight. Jordan is biting his nails, suddenly my stomach feels as if theres an aeroplane bouncing off the walls of my insides,
Surely the CTV could have caught Jordan? Please tell me he broke it off I repeat again and again in my head.
"No officer he's been here all evening" Mr Wilson answers the questions with a complete calmness and yet just enough curiosity to remain inauspicious.
"Well maybe if we could talk to the lad.." one of the police men says trying to move past the door,
"No..no they'll be no need for that..he's asleep had exams today"
"So is that all officers?" He asks smugly, another second passes and the next thing I know the door closes shut.

Mr Wilson turns to the three of us on the stairs, none of us speak..but there's a mutual happiness..contentment.

Hey! Hope you enjoyed this one one really liked writing it! Let me know what you thought xx