I effing love you

Part 39

"Get in here" I whisper angrily dragging his sopping body into the kitchen.
"What happened?" I ask scrambling around the kitchen pulling out tea towels and warm water. Jordan doesn't answer any of my desperate questions just stares out into space as if he was completely alone. I push him down onto the chair at the table and leave the warm water down.
I put my hands out slowly and unzip his drenched hoodie and peel off the T-shirt from his cold skin. His body is marked with bruises and remains of dirt. As if awaking from a trance I see the light come back to his eyes. "I'm..sorry..I'm sorry for everything" he breathes out heavily. "Never mind that now". Sometimes when something serious happens, everything that you thought was the biggest deal in the entire world, fades to dust. This is one of those moments. I put the cloth into the water and wring it out, wiping Jordan's face as carefully as I can. He winces a couple of times, but doesn't kick up a fuss.
I desperately want to ask him what's happened to him again but I feel I would be talking to the wall. Jordan is stubborn at the best of times but when it comes to serious matters you're better waiting on him to come to you rather than forcing it out. We sit in silence for much longer while I clean his wounded face. I say a silent prayer, this wasn't his dad. I don't think Jordan could deal with having to move out all over again, it finally seemed that he was some way stable, even if they were poor, at least they were some way happy.
When I've wiped away as much as the blood as possible, and cleaned all the dirt off his chest I get up and empty the stained water.
I sigh deeply, not quite meeting Jordan's eye.
He hangs his head and for a moment I believe we might not speak to each other again and he would just walk out of the door and that would be it. A sort of silent peace if you will.
"Are you going to tell me what's gone on?" I ask half afraid of the response I might get. "I don't think you want to know" he says sitting back in the chair. Seeing him there, bruised and topless and just all together rugged makes me want to jump on top of him and never let him go until death due us part but I'm not sure that that's what Jordan needs right now. "No..I do..I want to know". There's another painful silence and he stares off into space once more.
"Remember when we went to that restaurant"
"Yeah" I answer but he's already gone on without me. "You were shocked when I paid..and-...he trails off once more and I fidget anxiously. "I don't even know how to say this to you" he says exasperated. "Jordan..I don't care how you say it..the truth..that's all that matters".
"Basically i- I could pay for that because I've been doing some drug runs for-"
"WHAT?!" I splutter nearly falling over my own two feet from the horrible shock.
"Drug runs?!" I whisper loudly. He doesn't meet my eye once again and stares back down to the floor.
"Why...?".
"Why?!...Ali do you know how much I can make in just one night? Look- I'm never going to be go to college and work in a fancy office and put a suit on everyday..you do realise that don't you?...things aren't going to fall into my lap Al..this is one way- this is the way I might actually be able to have some sort of life"
I absorb his words, for a few minutes. "Jordan..I understand what you're trying to say but..you can't really think that this is the way to a better life?"
"I thought it was"
"Was it these people who did this to you..?"
"I was supposed to pay back some money..Couldn't get it together could I?"
"So this is what they did?"
"Well obviously"
I look at him and feel completely out of my depth, what am I supposed to say to this boy? This boy who can't see sense. I don't want Jordan to get hurt but..I don't know how I'm supposed to make him stop. "You're better than this" i tell him. "No..I'm not.."
"Jordan..please get out of this"
"...you can't just walk away Ali!" he says standing up to shout at me. "Shusshhh" I say pushing him back down lightly. "Jordan..there's always a way..there must be"
"They know who I am they've got shit on me"
"What shit?!"
"..Ali..this is illegal you do know that don't you?"
"For gods sake Jordan I'm not fucking stupid!" I say raising my voice at him. "Well then stop acting like it!" he says holding onto my shoulders. I try to shake him off but he holds me firmly. "I'm begging you" I say desperately looking deep into his eyes. "I don't know what you want me to say..."
"You asked me for my help..we can get out of this" he scoffs, "We? Thought you hated me"
"..Jordan you hurt my feelings...I was so stressed..do you even know what happened me today"
"You wouldn't tell me..!"
"Because you weren't there!" I say pulling myself out from under his arms.
There's another silence and he flops back down to the chair.
I stalk over to the counter. "Jordan..it shouldn't be this hard you know...he doesn't answer me instead putting his head in his hands. "I love you..I really do..but this isn't what normal couples do!"
"We're not normal you and me" he says laughing.
"Maybe we're not..but I want to be..I want to be normal, I want to talk and laugh, walk together, go to the cinema...I just want to do normal things!"
"Don't you think I want that? Do you think I want all this shit getting in the way?"
"But Jordan..this starts with us..we have to start being on each other's side"
He nods his head quietly.
"Will you do one thing for me?" I ask shaking.
"What?"
"Tell someone else about this"
"...you know I can't do that"
"Jordan! You can't go on like this! You can't spend evening after evening getting beat up or constantly have to worry about the police..you just can't for your own sake"
He doesn't meet my eye and I know he agrees with what I'm saying. Jordan would never admit it but he's scared..I know he's scared. Nothing in me can understand why Jordan would turn to this..its so self destructive and I'm afraid that's a quality Jordan seems to be showing more and more of. I'm determined to get him to stop..at least to speak to someone other than myself.
"Please" I beg desperately "for me.."
He doesn't speak  but nods his head slowly. "Thank you" I say trying to keep my voice steady.
He meets my eye once again and I slowly walk towards him. I bend down and wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. He pulls me onto his lap and wince as the dampness soaks through my pants.
"You're freezing" I say rubbing my cheek, against his. "No shit Sherlock" he says sarcastically but nevertheless kisses me lightly on the cheek.
"Missy and Haley are asleep" I say meaning he can't get in the shower.
"It's alrigh" he stands up and and pulls his trousers off and throws them to the other side of the room.
My eyes widen dramatically "Jordan!" I squeal covering my eyes.
"Nothing you haven't seen before" i giggle quietly still looking away. I rush upstairs and find him my long Christmas Jammies and a dressing gown.
He cuddles up on the couch with me and it's a bit squishy but not in the same uncomfortable way it is with Missy and Haley. I switch off the big lamp and trace my finger in a circle on the side of his stomach.
"Night..babe" Jordan whispers. Normally I would laugh at him but I feel warm and fuzzy.
"You'll be okay" I whisper back reassuringly.
"I promise".

Hey! What has Jordan got himself into?! Do
you think he's really going to get help or is he just trying to keep Alison happy? Who knows..
Thanks for all the support recently! Xx