I effing love you

Part 46

"....No I'm sorry you've made a mistake.." this woman says as she quickly turns her back to me and starts walking away holding her hand over her mouth. "Mum! MUM! I know it's you!" I scream starting to run after her, everybody who had stayed to help with Jordan is looking at me worriedly now but I couldn't give a shit..
"Ali...Alison come on.." Missy jogs up to me and pulls me back by the shoulders, when I turn I see Jordan has pulled himself off the ground and is looking at me in confusion. I turn to Missy with tears in my eyes "why is she here...? Why doesn't she want to see me...?" I say my voice breaking embarrassingly. "Let her go...let it go" Missy whispers in my ear. Jordan has a clear mark on his head from where he was butted but he staggers up off the ground and holds onto my arm. "Was that really her?" He asks looking at me with a face full of concern, "Are you okay? Oh my god" I say reaching up and touching his face tenderly. At that moment Mr Bell comes racing around the corner "JORDAN!" The others who ran off are following close behind him. Mr Bell tilts Jordan's head back and tried to examine it away from the tree in the light. "Well you'll live" he concludes "did the guy just run off?" He asks the group of us, "yeah he ran in that direction" Missy says pointing off to where that scumbag went running and where my mum seemed to follow him to. I feel like everyone is looking at me still but I can't be sure..I feel so far away from this moment right now, like my real life is going on somewhere else entirely and my body is stuck here in Bradford Park. "Are you sure it were her?" Jordan whispers quietly in my ear, "yes...I didn't recognise her at first but...why would she be here?" This is the question that is plaguing my mind..why would my mum be here in Ackley Bridge now? One time she told me when I asked her why she never wanted to visit nana and everyone here and her answer was- I got out of that dump when I was seventeen and I've not lived there since...and I certainly don't plan to. I never really knew what she meant by that..Ackley Bridge was no glamour hub but whenever I brought it up Mum acted like she wanted to vomit. That's the thing with Mum she wasn't always..well a junkie, she used to tell me stories about how she ran away to London when she was seventeen and went to fashion school. Mum was always very fashionable, she knew exactly what clothes to put together and she never missed an edition of vogue magazine. She could have been really successful she used to tell me..but then she met my Dad, she used to call him the love of her life. I remember when I was only very little and we would all sit on the couch together and she would look at him with..admiration. That's the thing about my Dad you really couldn't help but be in his shadow. I don't think that really sat well with Mum in the end. When she met him he convinced her to move to Manchester with him, then she got pregnant with me..and slowly everything she had hoped for faded and was replaced with things she told herself was the new dream.
When she found out about Dad cheating she didn't get out of bed for days..
No matter what I try to think of I can't get her out of my mind..
Mr Bell tells the others to run ahead and finish the run but because of Jordan he lets me stay back with him maybe for support or more likely because he can tell from my face somethings wrong. Jordan keeps sending worrying glances in my direction. I try to keep my face clear and instead focus on him. "Is it very sore?" I say touching his face lightly, he winces and I recoil, "sorry" I murmur quietly.
"Fuckin scumbag" Jordan mutters under his breath.
"I know..and my Mum was with him...doesn't really say much on her behalf " I say attempting to laugh at the situation but instead it comes out sounding pathetic and blasé. "I'm sure she's nothing like him...she did try and stop him" he says trying to offer some support. "Yeah but then she tried to deny her own daughter.." Facing the music like this hurts more than I would like to admit, at least when Mum was off her face she still payed attention to me. Has she tried to convince herself that I don't even exist? Everything from the past few months come rushing back. Why didn't she try and look for me when they took me away? She could have tried to find where I was I'm sure...I've got her number on my phone she never even called..wrote...nothing.
I barely even notice Mr Bell talking to Jordan while we walk back, when I get back on the bus to the school I don't speak to anyone. Jordan grips my hand underneath the jacket i threw over myself to stop the shivering but his clammy hand feels miles away.

"Come on.." Jordan says leading me up the stairs to the bathroom "it's fine I've got it" I can hear him saying to Missy behind me but I block them all out and walk numbly. Jordan closes the bathroom door behind me and I sit down on the toilet seat looking around. I can feel the tears brim in my eyes but something stops them from coming. Jordan begins to undress me carefully and I help by pulling my school jumper over my head. He pulls the string to turn on the shower and I step in gingerly closing my eyes as the warm water hits my body. Jordan pulls the curtain back and begins to walk out of the room in silence. Before he can go I reach out and grab his arm. "Stay" it's been hours since I last spoke properly and my voice comes out croaky and sad. He doesn't say anything back to me but pulls his red sweater from the back of his head and joins me. I didn't invite Jordan in for any other reason than the fact that I didn't want to be alone and he knows this. I wrap my arms around his torso and he covers my neck with strong arms, holds me. I press my face into his chest until everything is dark and the water dribbles down both bodies. It's then when I finally feel I can let out what I've been holding in. Instead of loud desperate sobs, tears break silently from my eyelids joining with the water going down the drain.
Jordan rubs my back in slow circles and that's all I need.
When we both can feel the crinkles forming on the tops of our fingers I break away still holding his middle with my arms, and staring into his eyes.
He's so beautiful, I think to myself but refrain from admitting it aloud incase it breaks the solemnity.
"What if she hates me?" I ask hearing the childlike worry in my voice, he pushes a stand of wet hair behind my ear, "no one could ever hate you" he whispers.

Hey sorry I know it's been a while I was crazy busy but I hope you like this i lobed writing it! Xx