I effing love you

Part 27

I push down the door. I hope Missy and Haley haven't stayed up waiting for me it's late, later than I anticipated but it's not something I can complain about after the night I've had. We managed to get on the last tram home I nearly fell over in my shoes running to it.
"Here's the lovebird" Missy whispers to me from the couch. I jump up into the air, with the fright "Jesus you scared me" I say giggling.
"God you're so pretty you know"
"No I'm not, I've just got so much makeup on you can't tell the difference" I say laughing back.
"Why are you still up?"
"Oh you know" she lays down on the couch looking up at the ceiling, "thinking".
I go down to the bottom of the couch and squish myself up against her. I pull my hand up gingerly and put it on her stomach, it's still pretty flat but there's a little bump forming, "you'll be a great Mam, Miss", to my surprise she starts sobbing quietly.
"Sorry, sorry don't mind me, hormones!"
I give her a perplexed glance, "Missy...I think we both know something is off"
She looks at me, with teary eyes "what do you mean?" She asks even though she knows perfectly well, I can see it written on her face.
"Well..I suppose..I'm just a bit confused about the whole thing" she admits.
"Confused about whether you want it?"
"No...I-.. she looks at me earnestly "I have a confession"
I'm not sure if I want to hear the next few words, a confession she says? I suddenly have a horrible feeling what if Missy isn't pregnant? What if she lied about the entire thing? No shut up, that can't be it..can it?
Eventually I can see the courage come to the surface within her
"Getting pregnant..I- it wasn't an accident" I stare blankly back at her.
"What?"
"I didn't take my pill..on purpose"
I have no words and that's a first. "Sorry..?"
"Alison please don't- don't judge me"
"No..I- I'm not judging you..I- why?"
"Why would you do this?"
"I- I don't know..well I do know, I just I was so scared"
"Scared? Scared, so you decide to have a child?" I say slightly raising my voice.
She squints her eyes and puts her head in her hands. I sigh deeply and look at her, I don't understand her..I don't think I could ever understand Missy Booth.
"I thought it was what I wanted..I thought if I was to have a baby Aaron wouldn't get sick of me, he wouldn't want to leave..ever.
"Why would you think he'd want to leave?"
"Everyone leaves.." a tear escapes my eye. Missy always seems to be the tough one, she always overcomes, she puts on her bubbly act, not a care in the world but I think this shows a deeper fear. Missy is afraid..just like me. Just like me..she was abandoned, again and again, so that it was just a second nature.
"I know I sound crazy..I know"
"You do..you do sound crazy..but I understand, not fully, not entirely but I understand" I feel an anger towards her not for the first time but something in me in preventing me from lashing out, something in me knows exactly what Missy sees and for the first time I see her not as my strong independent cousin but as a child..
"So what are you going to do now?" I ask, I know Missy will most likely say she does want the child and I prepare myself for the disappointment not to show on my face.
"I thought this was what I wanted..I thought I could be happy" she looks down at her stomach. "But I don't want it Ali..I don't want to have a baby!" The tears fall soundly from her eyes, she looked almost holy, as the tears dropped and her blonde hair wisped around her face.
I reach my hand out to hers and grasp it "Missy..I don't care what happens, you're not going to do this if you don't want to.." we both know the complications, we both know what people will say but neither of us care.
"You know..you have to tell Aaron all this don't you"
"No!"
I look at her in pity. "Miss..If he loves you, he'll be there..it might take a while, I won't lie to you but, I put her face in my hands and stare intently into her eyes "I won't let you ruin your life"
She nods. A look of realisation coming to her face, "how could I have been so stupid?"
"You're not stupid" I say grappling her into a hug, in actual fact I did think she was stupid, I thought she was very very stupid but how could I say it to her face? And even though it was possibly one of the stupidest things I've ever witnessed, I knew it wasn't without its reasons. "How about we deal with this in the morning?" I say seeing it was nearly 2am. "How can I get in to bed with him..I don't think he'll ever forgive me Ali" she's starting to realise what she's done is wrong, I can see it form all over her face and I don't know how to stop it. "Missy..shushh, calm down"
"How about you go upstairs and get into my bed"
"Where will you sleep?" She asks already getting up.
"I fancy a couch sleep tonight"

"I love you Al"
"Love you too cuz, we'll sort this ok? We always do"
"We always have to" I know what she means but I'm to tired and emotional right now to even think about our mothers and where they are right now. Maybe there together somewhere? I highly doubt it but it's some sort of comfort to think they could be, they were never the closest of sisters, even for us girls getting on so well. Mum and Auntie Simone were never thick as thieves, the only thing they had in common was well..drugs.
Once I'm sure Missy is gone upstairs i let out a long sigh. What a fucking night. Even though I'm so shocked I can't help but feel pleased that Missy has finally admitted to what's happened. I knew something was off..I don't think I could have predicted this however. At least now we can start to fix things. Yes we. We're in this together, Aaron won't be happy. In fact I'm scared he won't be happy at all...
It's funny how one little mistake can fuck everything up in a minute. As I'm taking my makeup off in the mirror and slowly transform back into myself again, I pull the duvet over the couch and close my eyes. I think back over the day I've had.
Jordan loves me..he loves me. An ecstasy comes over me and I can clearly hear him saying it again and again. "I love you..Layla! And I love him..I do I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him!

Hey! I hope you enjoyed this a bit emotional let's hope Missy is going to be okay. Let me know what you're thinking!