I effing love you

Part 47

"You'll be fine don't stress it!" I say trying to convince Jordan on the way to school that he would in fact do really well in his mocks and not fail like he seemed adamant he was going to. "Yeah right I've barely opened a book"
"And who's fault is that?" I say raising my eyebrows. I've tried my hardest to get Jordan to study for these mocks but he doesn't half whine and whinge. "Easy for you to say you're gonna smash them"
"Hmm" I say, compared to Jordan I've studied loads and it's no secret I'm relatively smart but I'm still really nervous. I'd look bad if I said this to Jordan, who I know even though he's trying to make jokes and look calm he really does want to pass.
"Well let's just think we get these done and then boom Christmas" I say trying to lighten the mood. "Yeah...Christmas isn't usually a high key affair in the Wilson household"
"Mmm yeah...this will be my first Christmas here" I say thinking back to last year. It wasn't my worst Christmas, dad sent me a new iPhone and we went out to a hotel for dinner but it was kinda lonely.
"Are you gonna try see your mum over the Christmas?" Jordan asks, I look at him angrily, I don't know why he would bring up my mum just before the maths paper. I haven't tried to see her since the park and it took me at least a week to stop crying every night not that anyone has to know that. Plus Jordan was the one who told me that I shouldn't bother with her if she hadn't even tried to contact me. "No why would I do that?" I reply rudely sticking my nose in the air. "Well..don't get me wrong I don't mind what you do..you just seemed very upset about the whole thing"
"Yes..well I'm fine now" I say avoiding his eye and his points and continue walking briskly into the school.
We don't talk again properly until it's time to go into the exam hall, I hear my heart beat ringing in my ears and even though I wouldn't describe myself as religious I do say a quick prayer because sometimes you need all the help you can get. "Well good luck" Jordan says half heatedly, "yeah you too" I say giving him a quick peck on the lips and a smile to show I'm not still pressed about what he said this morning.

"TIME"
I breath a sigh of relief, I had actually finished my paper about fifteen minutes now and was just reading over everything. Jordan is far across the room from me but if I strain my neck I can see that he has had his head down on the table for at least a half an hour now. I make a mental promise to myself that even if he fails this exam I will give my heart and soul to make sure he passes his gsces. Missy is chewing on her pen as she holds up her paper and looks completely unsure. Haley looks unbothered as she flings her sheet up, she did a lot of cramming last night much to my disdain. The minute we're allowed to get up, Missy rushes over to me, "Oh my god, that was impossible!" She exclaims holding her head in her hands, personally I didn't think it was actually that hard but obviously I wouldn't admit that, "I know! But I'm sure you did really well you seemed to be writing for ages" I say encouragingly. "Yeah only because I couldn't remember if it was called Pythagoras theorem or pyramous theorem..which one is it?"
"...Pythagoras" I say actually trying to hold back my laughter this time. Everyone around is comparing answers and either complaining or breathing out sighs of relief.
Jordan is talking to Zain across the room, something tells me neither of them did excellent. "Hey I'll talk to you later" I say winking in the direction of Jordan causing Missy to smirk.
I walk across the exam hall that Ms Keane and Miss Carter are still trying to tell us to move out from. I manage to sneak past and get over to Jordan's desk. "How did Einstein do then?" Jordan says smiling wide when he sees me and pulling his arm around my neck. "Awh it was okay I suppose..how did you guys find it?"
Zain blows a raspberry and Jordan laughs. "Shit I would say"
"Oh come on I'm sure ye passed"
Zain just laughs, "well I can work in my dads restaurant if all comes to all" I notice Jordan's face when he says this, I know he doesn't have the same back up as Zain and this worries him. Besides, I'd love if Jordan could get out of this town, he doesn't have to be some accountant or doctor but just that he sees things beyond Ackley Bridge, makes a life..is happy.
Sometimes I wonder whether Jordan and I will stay together after school. I'm not really the type of person to spend time thinking about futures I like to just take everyday as it comes but when I do think of it sometimes Jordan's there and sometimes he's not.
Sometimes I imagine that after school we move away together and he starts working in some art studio and I write for a famous newspaper and everyday after work we come home to our cosy apartment and eat Chinese food and have great sex and go to parties..then one day we'll move out of the city and go to a little town and then maybe we could have a baby and call it Zara.
Okay so for someone who doesn't think about these things..well maybe I do think about these things. But those are dreams..what about reality. Can I really know what's going to happen with me and Jordan? Of course not. And all these exams, they don't seem that important at least to some people but what if they actually are the first step to the life I want? It makes me sad when Jordan doesn't seem to care because i know even if he doesn't end up leaving Ackley Bridge, I'm sure as hell not staying here for the rest of my life..and that worries me. We're all getting older and suddenly everything seems to be passing scarily fast. Seeing my Mum the other day made me afraid..it made me realise that I can't stay here, maybe because I'm afraid what happen to her could happen to me.

Hey! I'm planning some changes coming to Jordan and Alison's lives, I think it's nearly time we switch it up! Hope you're enjoying I'm crazy busy so I know chapters aren't coming as quick but I do plan on finishing this story xx