I effing love you

Part 16

I trail home to do well,- my homework. That's all I'm going to have to do from from now on. My life can go back to being a boring shit show. It's nice now the sun is shining but it's still cold. The old Muslim men are sitting out on chairs in the alley. I wonder what they have to think about sitting there in the cold or are they just taking in their surroundings. I always think old people are really wise or else just mean and horrible. Nana was my only exception she was neither of those! I miss Nana, it's so weird coming back to her house now and calling it my own. I wonder what she would have thought about Jordan, about me for that matter. Nana and I were close not as close as she was to Missy and Haley but still she always made an effort. I never got to come and see everyone when she died, at that point Mum was slowly going further and further down the wrong point and when she heard Nana had died it made her even worse. She went out for three days and came back looking a wreck. It was then that I knew I had lost to her, lost her to the drugs that is but in many ways it's worse than actually losing her. It meant I had to see her transform into a totally different person- a scumbag. That's all anyone say her as, the neighbours would look on her in disdain when she'd walk by and they weren't much better to me. It was one of them who called social services on her. I was still fifteen then so that's why they had to try and find me a foster home. I'll never forget it, my whole life just up in the air. My life in a suitcase. I don't know what I would have done without Missy and Haley, if they hadn't of been an option for me to go to, well I don't know. Now that I'm sixteen I'm not exactly "untouchable" I'm still in the education system but if anyone tried to move me again I think I would simply refuse, try and get my own little flat or something maybe live in a hostel until I could find a job. I'm not sure what the exact protocol is though, I don't think many people want to see a sixteen year old girl living in a dirty hostel by herself. That's what happened with Jordan, social services prefer putting under eighteens in foster care. I suppose it's better for Jordan realistically, he could end up happier there than he ever was here and if so then I won't complain. I want him to have the best chances and let's be honest that's not always possible around here.

When I go inside, I'm pleasantly surprised. The house has been cleaned top to bottom and there's a smell of vanilla candles- my favourite.
I just want to flop into bed and sleep forever.
"Oh woww you're smelling nice and fresh"
"Don't worry I'm getting in the shower straight away and then sleeeeeeping" Missy is wearing her cleaning gloves and she's buzzing I don't understand how someone can have so much energy but then again she had a lot of time to sleep off her hangover.
"Ali, Jordan called" her face becomes more serious.
"What? Is he not gone? Why didn't you call me??"
"Hey, hey, hey calm it!"
"He called around one before he was leaving, he couldn't stay and chat"
"Oh..well"
"I'm sorry" she says putting her hand on my arm.
"Did he say to tell me anything?" Not likely but it's worth asking. "No but he gave me this", she goes running to the kitchen counter and hands me the little squared piece of paper.
"He told me to keep my nose out of it" a letter? Jordan wrote me a letter, it's so out of the ordinary for someone like Jordan that I'm not sure I believe it. Missy clearly thinks the same as me but she pulls me in for a hug.
"I'm going to go upstairs and get cleaned up" I say. Haley isn't there probably out with some friends. I sit down on my bed and unwrap the piece of paper.
Alison, I broke my phone so I couldn't text you to say this. I'll try get a new one soon. I know I look like a knobhead but I wanted to let you know why. I'll miss ya a lot Al, I really will. Don't worry I'll come back soon I swear to ya, don't forget me. J x
I- I can't believe this. It's not a love letter by any means but it still makes me cry. I bury my head on my pillow and stay there for an hour or more. I could have had so much with Jordan..I could have but I never will have. He says he'll come back but how can he know that? Even if he does things won't be the same they never will be. It's over. I'm making noise now taking great gulps as I breathe it. I manage to put the note into my drawer so I don't smudge the writing with my tears. I can't even call or text him now.
I hear Haley hurtling up the stairs coming back from wherever she was gone off to. I quickly try to wipe my eyes but it's in vain.
"Ali? Ali..what's wrong..shush..don't cry, don't cry" she runs over to me dropping all her bags and running over to me.
"He's..never..gonna come back" I say gasping for breath. "Don't be silly, stop it now..stop it"
I stay bawling into Haley's arms until I'm left taking staggered breaths. "Sorry"
"I wish someone would cry over me like this" she says with a slight smirk. "No you don't"
I get up to go put some cold water on my eyes.
Haley appears at the door for me.
"Ali, in all seriousness yeah, you know we're all here for you" I smile and pull her into a hug. "I love you hail"
"Love you too Ali"
We stand in the bathroom door embraced together until it becomes uncomfortable. "Fancy getting a Chinese?"
"Is that even a question!"
"Just let me get in the shower first yeah?"
"Yeah you stink I didn't want to say but sheesh"
"Hey! Maybe I wouldn't stink if you didn't use all the bloody body wash a gallon a go"
And just like that it's back to normal.

I go to bed that night and even though I cringe at myself for doing it and make sure Haley isn't paying attention to me. I sit up and stare at the photo of the two of us on my phone taking in every line on the two of our faces. The happiest moment of my life..I can't believe it was only yesterday. I quickly kiss him through the phone and shove my head into the pillow.

Hey! Hope you enjoyed I'm not sure if this is any good or not so I hope you think it is!!xx also I have so much planned for this story so if you're any way enjoying it stay tuned xxxx