Hiraeth

ꜱᴛᴀʀꜱ

"What do you think the purpose of life is?" I ask. Caden taking a swing of the Hennessy I had stashed in my car.

As now we lay on the football field widely free open. Us aimlessly talking about random stuff. Drunk out of our mind. But not complaining one bit.

"I don't know," he answered curiously like he wanted to know the answer too. Both staring at the dark night sky.

Silence fills us as I let my mind overdrive my thoughts. I never actually thought about my own purpose in life. I just kind of always felt like I'm just there.

Someone else's background character. While there living there life. I'm just drowning. Like I feel like I'm dead. And I hate myself for feeling like this.

I hate everything. I hate my emotions. I hate my life. I hate myself for acting like a brat. I hate myself for being so selfish. I hate myself for being so self centered. I hate myself for calling my brother that night. I hate myself for playing hide and seek.

I hate me.

I mean come on I'm here wanting to die. When other people have lives ten times more harder than mine. There's people starving, being killed, raped, have no family's, homeless. And here I am drowning myself in self pity. I'm so dumb.

I have a roof over my head and I still find a way to complain about my life. I should be ashamed of-

Snapping out of my thoughts when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I look and see Caden looking at me.

"What's up?" I ask nodding at him.

"You good?" He let's go of my shoulder.

"I'm fine," I muttered. Taking the Hennessy that was in the middle of us. Taking a swing of the bottle.

"No," he shakes his head. Staring at the nightfall. "What's wrong?" He asks again.

"Nothing," I pursue my lips. Not bothering to look at him. Hearing him shuffle, feeling he puts a stand of my hair behind my ear.

"Okay how about this," he props himself on his elbows facing me. I copy his action as I face him. "Ask me a question and I'll ask you one," he offers.

Debating the offer I slowly nod my head in agreement. "Main reason you hate me?" I ask.

"Another one," he swirls his finger around.

"No," a barely there smile forms on my lips. "You said I can ask you any question," I remind. "You have to answer it."

Silent for a second. "I'm a sore loser Carter," he admits. "And I don't know if you have noticed but you winning sort of damages that."

"Men and their ego," I smirk.

"And plus how can I get along with someone I'm competing against." He said. "I'm a competitive guy."

"Ask away Jensen," I breath out. Resting on my back again. Looking at the humongous empty stadium.

"Where is Romero?" He asks. Romero and Caden where more than aquatints but less than friends. Suck it up Heaven your acting like a little bitch right now.

"We were in a car crash and I survived and he didn't," I shrug. Trying my best to hold up myself. Not wanting to accept the fact that he's dead. I just don't want to say those word out loud. Than it'll sound so so real.

"He died?" He asks with wide ask. Which makes me slowly nod. Quiet for awhile, Caden thinking of what I just told him.

Out of nowhere I'm enveloped into a tight hold. "Your so strong Heaven," this sentence causing me to realese a laugh. I'm anything but a strong. I literally cry at anything that reminds me of anything.

I'm a crybaby. I shouldn't even be aloud to cry as if I hadn't make that dumb decision to call him. He would still be there. I should've drove.

"Can you not tell anyone," I whisper softly. Trying to hold myself together.

"Don't worry about it," he answers. He lays back into his original position he was laying in. "Oh look!" He quickly taps my shoulder furiously. I follow his finger to the beautiful night sky. As a bright shooting star passes us.

"Hurry make a wish!" He says excitingly. Closing my eyes slowly I makes a wish. Knowing it far from coming true. But it's fun to wish for something. "You know what I think Heaven?" He looks at me with a smile.

"What?" I pursue my lips. Waiting to hear what he has to say.

"I think that star was Romero," I look into his beautiful eyes. I never seen a color mix so well with each other. Who knew Yellow and green would be such a great combination.

"You think?" I look away not wanting to look like a creep.

"Yeah I think he wants you to live your life" he raises his eyebrows in interest as he talks. "You had an amazing brother and I know he's looking down at us right now,"

A wide smile makes it way on to my face. At the mention of my brother looking down on me.

"How about you Caden? Do you have someone looking down on you?" I ask diverting the conversation to him. As I gulp down the alcohol. Wincing slightly at the burning taste when it hits the back of my throat.

"Yeah," he smiles genuinely. "I like to think she's watching down at me," This sparks my interest wanting to know who he think is watching over him. Not asking him not wanting him to feel uncomfortable.

"When did the incident happened?" He asks. Glancing at me. I feel my throat hitch at the question.

"Around a month ago," I nod my head.

"Is that the reason behind you alway being at parties? And doing more stuff." He said referring to the drugs and alcohol I have tried.

"I'm coping," I shrug lightly. Not wanting this conversation to get all sappy. "I didn't know you payed attention if I was at parties." I teased.

Knowing what I was trying to do, he changed the subject. He smiled lightly going along not mentioning it. "It's not like you try to stay low key about it. As your always make an introduce."

"That's how it's done Jensen. You have to party it up." I chuckle lightly.

Soon a conversation started to flow between us not even bothering going back home. As we accidentally fell asleep in the middle of the football field.

"Heaven," a voice whispered. Lightly tapping my shoulder trying to wake me up. "Heaven,"

Slowly I I open my eyes. Quickly shutting them when I'm met with the bright beaming sun, castling down on me.

"Heaven,"

I open my eyes as I squint my eyes hating the brightness. Turning my head slightly to be met with the familiar yellow green eyes.

"What?" I whisper.

"We slept out here," he looks around. "We have to go before teachers start to arrive."

I lazily got up registering his words in my head again.

"What times is it!" I look fearful at Caden. Knowing mom is going to punish my if I'm not home.

"Seven," he answers.

She's going to have it out for me.