Hiraeth

ꜱᴏʀʀʏ

I feel my eyelids slowly start to fluttering open. Instantly shutting them when I'm met with a sickeningly bright light. Ignoring the familiar voice I hear right when I opened my eyes.

Again I open my eyes readjusting to the bright light that's blooming over me. Where am I? Flashbacks starting to rushingly flood my memory, now having a banging headache start to form.

Disappointment, almost everything in me just wanted god to take me with him. I'm surprised I'm even still alive. But the disappointment overtakes every emotion that's hitting my way.

My eyes finally land on my fathers familiar emerald eyes that match mine. I know he's feeling the same betrayal, I'm feeling. Betrayal by his wife. Betrayal by my mother.

"Hi dear," he brushes a strand away from my face. Attempting to talk but only met with a croaking throat. I look away landing my gaze on my once tan skin but now pale. I glance back at dad who is looking down at me with teary eyes.

I point to my throat indicating I want water. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion but quickly nods his head picking up a styrofoam cup from the stand next to my bed. He slowly and carefully picks up my hand putting the cup in my hand, still guiding the drink towards me.

Swallowing the cold liquid I hand him back the cup. Clearing my throat roughly, wincing at the slight pain in my stomach. I lick my lips wetting my dried lips.

"What happened?" I ask referring to only one thing I wanted to know about. Maybe not thing but someone in specific. He drops his gaze to the floor knowing who I'm referring too.

"I'm-" he stops. Glaring at the floor like it had ruined his life. "I'm so sorry hija," he sobs. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he cried.

He thinks it was his fault? I down all of my emotions ignoring, everything I'm feeling right now. My heart clenched at the sight of my teary father. I don't say anything. Knowing no amount of words I can reassure him, would remove the guilt he's feeling right now, and if u thought my heart shattered when my mom shot me than it definitely did now.

"I'm sorry," he shakes his head in guilt. "I'm sorry, I let you down." He cups my cheeks. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most." He wipes the tear that streamed down my cheek. "Tell me Heaven. How long? How long has she been doing this?"

"The week you left Papa," I whisper not knowing if he heard me from how low I spoke. He envelops my in a gentle hug not trying to hurt me from my injuries.

"I-I-" he stutters letting out a heartbreaking cry. "Please forgive me daughter," I know it was not his fault for my mother's abuse. It's just sad how he blames himself.

"It's okay," I close my eyes as tears start to fall. "Papa?" I say, he gives me a hum telling me to continue. "Where is she?" He slowly lifts his head standing to his full height.

"They have her locked up at the moment," he answers coldly. Yet I know my dad is sad as he did truly love his wife. We both snap our heads to the door when we hear a knock. A man in a police uniform came in.

"We would like to talk to you about your mother." The man states. Knowing dad was about to object since I did only wake up right now, but I gave him a reassuring nod that's it's okay.

During our conversation about my abuse I bit my lip trying to keep my emotions in check not trying to break down right in front of them or ever. The officer asked me about what did my mom exactly do to me. I spilled everything knowing this would be the only time I would talk about my moms vile actions. To when she shot me, stabbed me, suffocating me, threw sharp objects at me, hit me, attempt to burn me, kicked and threw me.

Beatrice Carter was emotionally and physically abusive to me.

I feel suffocated but didn't have a pillow suffocating me. I feel like someone stabbed me but didn't have a knife pointing at me. I feel like I am drowning but wasn't under water.

I want to go home, but where is my home? I never felt like I had a home but why do I feel like this when I live in a huge mansion? Why can't I go home?

I stayed at the hospital for an extra week. Dad visiting every day when I insist him he doesn't have too. I haven't checked my phone. Yet kind of glad I didn't because I have to answer the pestering phone calls of my friends who I truly love.

If I say I'm at the hospital than I have to reveal the truth, the whole truth. Which after two months I still can't bring myself to tell them.

Now wanting to leave this hospital feeling claustrophobic from the boring walls I come to hate. Not knowing what to do when I get back to the house as now it's just all bad memories. Yet not having much of a choice either.

"Ready?" Dad said giving me a worried glance as we're about to step out of the hospital. Knowing it's going to be hard. And I have to try. But I already tried and it got me nowhere but inside a hospital bed.

"Ready." I breath out. Stepping into the cold winter air. I come to miss.

As I'm staring through the car mirror I start to think. With now it's just me and dad. Everyone gone in just under the span of two months. Yet I know deep down it wasn't just recently it's been like this for over eight years since my cousins disappearance. We all just choose to ignore it.

How did we get here so fast? I wondered when I look to my left and see dad entering the code that opened the expensive gates.

I dreaded when we walked inside the empty house that was once filled with laughs and happiness. The shattered glass cleaned up by the maids morning chores.

"I'm going to my room," I say softly. Dad giving me a sad nod as he looks over the quiet house. I shut my door sliding down on it. In the back of mind reminding myself this was all my fault. How I ruined my own family.