Hiraeth

ᴡʜʏ

For the billionth fucking time, I'm drunk. You would think waking up with a throbbing headache every single morning would make me stop. I just grown to get used to the harsh pain. This time I'm not in the wine cellar, I'm getting drunk in my en-suite?

I mean it's not like I can go around drinking publicity my dad would probably rant my ear off about what alcohol does to your system. He comes checking in every once in awhile, I just tell him I'm in the bathroom.

It's been three hours since we got back from the awful police station. The last person I expected to see enter would be Caden. I quickly payed off his bail when he entered the interrogation room. I know Caden and I- how did I put this nicely? We're not exactly to found of each other. The only reason I helped him out was because how he helped me out when he let me crash at his penthouse. So think if it as a thank you gift.

"Fucking great," I mutter under my breath when no alcohol touches my tongue. I have this big tequila bottle only for it to be gone. I stand up slowly knowing I have to quietly go to the wine cellar to get another bottle.

I see my reflection in the mirror, my eyeliner smeared all around my eyes from constantly rubbing it, my hair is all over the place, my eyes visibly red from all the alcohol I consumed, my hoodie draping over me lazily. I look terrible.

I've never obsessed over how I looked, I made sure I looked good and went on with my day. I think the way people see you is the way they respect you. I look at my reflection, I look deep into my eyes in the mirror. I throw the bottle that was in my hand toward the wall in anger.

I frown looking down at the shattered glasses that covered my bathroom floor. I close my eyes painfully, flashing back to when mom used to throw her wine bottle at me when she was sad, having to wear a large hoodie the next day so no one would notice the cuts.

Slowly I grabbed a big glass, I press it against my skin waiting for blood to leak through my skin. When I feel no liquid coming out, I harshly pressed the glass more into my skin. Blood seeping out of my skin. Right as I was about to press the glass harder into my skin my phones ringed. Ignoring the ringing, I close my eyes when I feel a stinging pain. I open my eyes when I hear it ring again, I walk towards my phone trying to keep balance, my tears blocking my vision slightly.

"Hello?" My voice croaked when I answered the phone.

"Why did you do it?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"Do what?" I ask. Way to fucking drunk to remember anything right now.

"The bail." He simply answered. I run a hand threw my hair trying my best to remember what he's talking about. Finally I nod remembering what I did.

"Yeah what about it?" I lean against the counter looking down at the sharp glass.

"Why did you do that?" He huffs.

"I owe you from the time you let me crash at your house." I answered.

"You can't just do that Heaven." He said. "I made you stay because you were drunk."

"That's why Caden." I exclaim. "You didn't have too but you did anyways." I laugh when I think of a random joke.

"What's so funny?" He ask, hearing the slight amused tone in his voice.

"Okay, okay, okay. Ready?" I breath out dramatically. "What do you call a pig that does karate?" I try to stifle in my laugh.

"What?" I can practically hear his grin from the other side of the phone.

"A pork chop!" I burst out laughing. Forgetting all about what I was doing before he called. I can hear him burst out laughing. "Funny right?"

"That- that-" he said between laughs. "That was so bad!" I scoff under my breath slightly offended.

"Uh rude!" I said dramatically. "Then why were you laughing than?"

"Because you thought it was funny!" He chuckles slightly, my smile widening slightly at the sound.

"What did the police man say to his belly button?" I ask excitingly.

"What Heaven?" He perks up.

"You're under a vest!" I slurred, still super drunk.

"Are you drunk?" He asks suddenly seriously.

"Whose that?" I whisper like he was telling me top secret information.

"Heaven!" He shouts. "That's not safe being alone when your drunk."

"I'm not though!" I deny immediately. I hear him shuffling around from the other line hearing a dangling sound.

"Stay on the line." He mutters. It was quiet for five minutes hearing a door slam from his line. Quickly I grew bored and hung up. I grab my lighter and cigarette that was on top of the counter, lighting it up.

I turn the knob for the water switch in my bathtub wanting to to take a bath. Wincing in pain when I step on a glass, blood starting to trickle down my foot. Looking at the en suit small pools of blood on the floor from my cut. I throw my cigarette in the sink, watching it burn out by the second. Wondering if it would hurt if the burning cigarette was against my skin.

I hear a loud noise coming from my room. Slowly I walked out of the smoky bathroom. The smoke now entering my room too. I hear a loud clicking sound against my balcony. Ignoring the sound, I walk around mindlessly. I hear the noise again, I sign dramatically, opening my balcony door, stepping out cautiously.

I look around the large property, searching for the annoying sound that keeps hitting my glass window. Slowly I finally notice Caden standing on my balcony floor.