Through The Dark

32: Control

Niall

"What the hell are you doing?" Louis called after me as I pushed the door of the coffee shop open, storming towards his car.

"Just coffee huh? I should've known you had something bigger in mind." I snapped at him, stopping infront of the passenger door and crossing my arms, waiting for him to unlock the car so that we could get out of here.

"Yes! And everything was going according to plan until you decided to leave, so I'm asking you again. What the hell are you doing?" He snapped back, raising his voice slightly. The truth is, I had no answer to his question. I had absolutely no idea why I just left. It was the perfect opportunity to get the answers to questions that have been eating at me since yesterday.

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at her, the girl that meant so much to me since the day I met her, knowing that everything was for nothing. I couldn't stand being so close to her when it all felt like a lie.

"Just drive me home Louis." I sighed, bringing my hands up to rub my face, dislocating my glasses in the process. He scoffed at my request, but he knew better than trying to convince me to do something I didn't want to. He unlocked the car and I immediately got in, slamming the door as Louis started the car up.

"Just so you know, that Blake dude is out of the picture for good." He commented after a few minutes. I clenched my fists, feeling my blood starting to boil all over again at the thought of that guy even breathing near Saph. The minute I saw him walk up to her, I recognised him instantly as the guy that had picked her up on his motorcycle. I had my suspicions about him. I was sure he was more than just a friend to her, even though she never gave me a straightforward answer when I questioned her about it. But I never expected that she'd be in a relationship with him, especially not while she was all over me, holding me snug against her body and kissing me passionately in a dark corner, telling me that this was what she wanted all along.

Hearing someone else claim to be her boyfriend was a jab straight into the heart. I didn't even have control of the way I reacted at that moment. All I needed was to get out of there. I was so mad. Mad at her for lying, mad at the guy that showed up out of nowhere and ruined everything in just two minutes.

But I was mostly mad at myself for letting go of my inhibitions, for falling hard and fast without even a second thought for a girl, not taking any precautions. That was my biggest mistake. I followed my heart and tuned my brain out completely, trusting my gut and not holding back even in the slightest. However, my brain seemed to be back in full control from the moment I heard him say the word boyfriend. It was like I shut down every ounce of emotion I had in me, scurrying away and distancing myself from the outside world completely.

Even now, just after she said she had put an end to her relationship with him long ago, I still felt deceived. She was someone else's girlfriend when I kissed her for the first time, when I sang to her in an attempt to show her how I felt and when she agreed on going on a date with me. And I was completely unaware of that.

It was better than what I originally thought, which was that she had been with someone else all along, spending her time with me only to fill in the void of his departure. There was consolation in knowing I was wrong, because I couldn't really believe she'd be capable to do something like that. No matter how hard she tried to act tough, I knew her well enough to know that was just a defense mechanism. Still, I couldn't bring myself to actually talk the matter through, no matter how hard Louis tried to get me to open up.

He drove me home, trying to convince me to talk to Saph the entire way there but I paid him no attention. I got him to finally leave me alone, all by myself in the silence of an empty house. No matter how much I wanted her to be here with me, I knew it was a bad idea. For once, I decided to listen to my brain and try and push every thought of her away.