Through The Dark

33: Pinky Promise

Saph

I jolted awake in the middle of the night for no particular reason, but that's something that always happened to me. I opened my eyes to find him exactly how he was before I fell asleep. He hadn't moved at all. He was still lying on his side, his hands under his head and his face so close to mine, I could almost feel his breath on my skin. His eyes were fluttered closed but I couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

This wasn't like him. He never stayed still during the night. And he most definitely never kept his distance, which was the most heart wrenching part of the whole situation. He was so close to me, his body heat radiating off of him but he hadn't touched me once during the night. Just that was enough to indicate that he was most definitely not ready to put everything that happened behind us.  

I thought that if I distracted him he would be able to forget the whole Blake situation. He was still mad when I arrived to his house and I thought he just needed to let off some steam. It was so different with him last night and I could tell that he was trying to prove himself, even though he had no need to prove anything. He was better to me than Blake could ever be, and last night was one of the many times he had proven that. It felt so amazing being connected with him that I thought everything would go back to normal afterwards.

But that seemed to not be the case because I could still feel the lingering tension from our fight all through the night. That was evident from the way he looked at me when we both lied down. I could tell he was still not comfortable around me and even though I wanted nothing more than to cling onto him under the warm covers, I was scared to make the first move. So I stayed put, facing him as he faced me. My skin tingled when I felt his hand on my cheek and even though it was the most subtle and innocent touch compared to what had happened previously, it still sent a shiver down my spine along with the hope that we'd be able to mend our relationship.

But that was the closest I got to him that night. I could feel him next to me and that brought me a sense of comfort and safety, allowing me to be able to sleep for most of the night. But I needed so much more. I needed to feel his arms around me and his breath against my neck as he snored quietly, mumbling to himself and scrunching his face up before letting it relax again. I needed to feel his chest as it rose and fell with every breath. I needed to feel him, but I couldn't. And that killed me inside.

Instead, I stayed still, feeling myself starting to get numb from the lack of movement but I didn't care. I just kept watching him, trying to figure out if he was asleep or just pretending, because I couldn't really believe that he hadn't moved at all for hours. A few minutes later he pried his eyes open slowly, blinking rapidly as he tried to focus his sight on me. He lied on his back, bringing both hands to his face and rubbing his eyes before he turned just his head to me, letting his arms fall to his sides as his hands rested on his bare torso.

"You okay?" He mumbled, his voice gruff and low. He stared back at me through his droopy eyes and I could tell he was still exhausted, both physically and mentally.

"Yeah, just tired." I whispered, feeling my cheeks starting to heat up under his gaze. I caught a glimpse of a smile threatening to break onto his face, but he was quick to stop it from showing. He turned back on his side, bringing his hand over to me. He got ahold of the duvet and pulled it over my bare shoulders until it reached my chin.

"Are you cold?" He asked, plopping onto his elbow and looking down at me. He was being so attentive, yet so distant and reserved at the same time. I shook my head no, swallowing hard to soothe my dry throat. He returned to the sleeping position he was in all night, shuffling towards me just slightly. With a heavy sigh, his hand travelled to my face and he tucked a short strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes examining my reaction to his gesture carefully.