The Last Daughter

Chapter Thirty-six: guilt

Moira's viewpoint

   You know, when that smart person who wrote or said that life doesn't always go the way you plan or life just finds a new way to surprise you when you think you have seen it all, he or she left the most reasonable statements in history. It was simply fact, simply the truth about life.

   I always wanted someone to love me; that someone who is meant for me, but I didn't really expect to get one. Sure, April got a mate, Zephyr got one too and I always knew Xyra had one. But what I was so sure about was that I wouldn't get mine, especially the kind of one I ended up getting. It was unbelievable and the biggest surprise life had given me since I started living at the lady's castle.

   The surprise came with guilt and regret. The weight of all I had done since I left the castle suddenly compressed me. I knew he wasn't a saint since he had a son and might have been with other women aside his dead wife, but he waited three hundred years for me or so, he always longed for me while I was busy following this goat or the other. I didn't need to feel bad; my having a mate was never to my knowledge. Notwithstanding, I should have kept to myself and respect my body.

   I felt so dirty, so incredibly filthy that I was disgusted with myself. I felt so impure; tainted, like a total slut. I did feel like a whore before, but it wasn't as strong as the way I began feeling after finding out I had a mate. I wasn't good enough for him. What was the goddess thinking when he gave me an elf? Not just an elf, a king? Then I had to become a mum overnight? It wasn't making my guilt-regret hideaway easier.

   Since we arrived at the castle two days earlier, I had done everything possible to hide from him and his son, though Xyra told me his son wasn't around. I remained locked up in my room and refused to talk to anyone but the girls. They understood how I felt because they could feel it too, and Xyra felt more bad because these feelings was what she was trying to prevent me from feeling. It was too late. Though I would thank her more because if she didn't stop me on time, I would have been feeling much worse.

   I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes or stand in the same room with him. I felt like I would disgust him with my stench, the smell of infidelity and uncleanliness. Yes, I was overreacting, but it was guilt and regret; emotions I had no control over.

   I sighed sadly as I rotated my index finger on my laptop. I was sitting legs folded on my bed, staring at my laptop… Okay, the laptop I received from Nathalie. She came into my room but I maintained my invisible form so she wouldn't see me. She dropped the laptop on the bed and left. It had only been a day since I got the laptop and I couldn't concentrate on the job I was given. They were having a problem with their security, Xyra told them, told him that I was a computer genius and had the ability to communicate with machines so that was my job. If I'm going to hide, I better hide while doing something to help him.

   It was a good idea, but the only problem was that I couldn't concentrate. The laptop sparked like it had been doing for hours. When I lost concentration, I would unknowingly bend the electricity in it, causing it to give off sparks and few times, glitches.

   "Sorry, dear," I apologised with a sigh, "I'm just so distracted,"

   "Do you want me to do the tracking myself?"

   "Yeah, thanks, that would be helpful since I'm too distracted to unblock the track code," I said to her. She immediately lit up and started processing my request.

   "Moira, do you need some coffee?" The coffee machine asked as joyful as ever.

   "No, I've had enough," I smiled. The laptop chimed. I turned my attention back to the small laptop. ‘Access Granted’ displayed on the screen. I cracked my neck and knuckles and laid my fingers on the keys. "Alright, first I trace the algorithm the hacker used by creating mine to track it down. I'm going to need something cold to drink, raspberry tea helps me think clearer. I can't really go out now so can someone play me some rap music?"