Not a Diary ➳ LS

the end

My name is Harry, if you haven't long forgotten.

Harry Edward Styles, and this story I've begun has nearly come to an end.

The band slowly lost popularity. The members, off one by one through a stretch of years. It was agonizing. But it was time.

The fans were in denial through most of it, as, honestly, was I. But all of us, we are doing fine. It's been a really long time since I sang. I miss it a little bit, it comes in waves.

Zayn left early 2015, and that was tough. I think we'd all been a little out of it up until then. That brought into recognition that no, this would not last forever. Louis and him were fighting for the longest time, and Louis acted like he was winning but I think he lost a part of himself with Zayn that he was trying to make up for. A while later, Z mentioned something to Liam about a happily ever after, and none of us heard from him much following that.

Niall. Oh, boy. Is he ever still lively. The kid cannot settle, I tell you! But he is a good father, and yes, he finally found his 'princess'. He's back in Ireland now. We talk sometimes, but get togethers are rare. We still have that effortless connection, thank God. Blondie is still practically the most friendly soul on this earth.

Payno. He's got his life together, that one. He's still playing gigs by his lonesome. (And couldn't be happier about it.) He has a son, as of recently actually, called William, after Louis' middle name. Genuine guy. The best to him.

Louis. Louis is still here. He was really bad into drugs for the longest time. Almost killed himself on more than one occasion. That was difficult for all of us. I called off the wedding. That was awful. He got clean, and he told me he wanted to start a family. I told him that I didn't trust him. He disappeared for months - months of unanswered calls, months of accusations, months of interviews that we all sat through with lumps in our throats and months of watching home videos and wondering if any of it was real. He arrived on my doorstep, I don't know how long later, with a fortune cookie in the palm of his hand, and I couldn't believe what I had done to make such a brilliant person so miserable. We were something close to friends for a very long time, but there was always a cautiousness between us, built up on both ends.

I had always figured that things last forever, if they are meant to. Some don't.

I don't know where I stand with Louis Tomlinson. Sometimes, around him, I forget to stand at all. What we have is ours, and after all of these years I still claim that he is the love of my life.

And I. I don't have the family home that I wanted. I cannot buy happiness, romance, a new beginning with all of my money. I have too many shoes, I have too little time left to wear them all, and that is fine by me.

I'm okay.

We are okay.

H