Not a Diary ➳ LS

Entry Six

Entry Six:

After revealing that, I wasn't sure I'd ever write in this thing again.

In fact I was about ready to burn it so there wasn't a chance of anyone but myself finding out.

Every time I look at the cover or the pages, it mocks me. It knows something I've never admitted to myself until now, and it seems I can never take it back. Not that I would. I mean, it's the truth.

But it's also risky to have written on paper.

What if someone looks at my journal? What if they find out? What if they tell the entire world and everyone laughs at me?

What if they tell Louis??

I can't let that happen. I will most certainly die on the spot. He's my best friend. If he finds out, he won't ever speak to me again. Or he will, but in an awkward way. He won't spill his heart out on every detail about his entire day like he does now, but instead limit his descriptions as to not "lead me on" in any way possible.

Although maybe I should be honest with him. Maybe he won't think of me any different.

Or maybe he'll move out and go live with Eleanor and ask her to marry him and have kids and one day when he's old and wise he'll be sitting there in a nursing home thinking about his glory days and remember the idiot fag that was his ex-best friend Harry Styles.

I can't let that happen.

I want to be there with him when he's old. And I want to talk about our good friend Niall who ate everything-the blonde Irish guy with the contagious laugh, and our bud Liam, the shy father figure that pulled us under his wing and was always there for moral support, and that Zayn- the mysterious but sweet guy with eyeliner and inkings, and I want to laugh about those times I tripped on stage or when a fan asked to see his bum. I don't just have the desire to be there.

I need to be there.

I'm torn between what I should do.. I can't stand to have him hate me, but I also can't keep something from him and not feel guilty.

And I have to tell my mum and my sister and everyone as well..

Or maybe I won't have to.. Maybe I can keep this between you and me?

Maybe.

-Harry x