Recovery 3 (Sequel to Recovery1&2 - Justin Bieber FanFic)

46. Chapter Innocent love

Justin's POV

Dean's condition was stable but the hope that he would wake up soon, disappeared quickly as the doctors found out that he still has small bleedings in the head. That's at least what Dean's mother just told me on the phone. I called her to let her know that I was on my way to meet her in the hospital. I didn't want (YN) to come along to the hospital but of course she insisted. However, that may be, we are now on our way to visit Dean and his mother and I was afraid of looking into his mother's eyes. After that conversation with Fabrizio today, I felt like shit. His words were running through my mind. I should have maned up and killed Dean. I mean look what I did to him. This is no life. He is in a coma for more than two months now. Even though I was forced to beat him at some point, but at the end of the day it was me who did it. I wanted to see him suffer, I actually even wanted to kill him, without thinking about the consequences. I was furious, after he tried to poison my girl. He's gone too far...and did I.

(YN) took my hand as we entered the hospital. She knew I was nervous but so was she. Her hand was cold as ice. As we both hate hospitals, according to our previous history. We got into the elevator, luckily we were alone. Previously I had only once met Dean's mother. It was terrible for me. It was also here in this hospital. Restlessness took hold of my whole body, the closer we got to her. The door to the elevator closed and suddenly I panicked. The pictures came back. As Dean hung bleeding in front of me, while I was beating him. The smell of blood, the old warehouse and cold sweat. The fear to kill him and to die myself.

"I'm such a coward. I'm so scared. I hate myself for everything that has happened, (YN)." I suddenly hissed, feeling all the pressure going down on me. "I can't stand this anymore...The fear, the anger...This guilt." I don't know where it all came from. Maybe it was the narrowness of the elevator, or the general pressure, but it rolled over me like a train. I couldn't breathe and sank to the ground. (YN) crouched beside me, stroking my arms and shoulders to calm me as good as she could. "I shouldn't be afraid. I'm a man, your man I should have no fear. I must be strong. But I just can't not right now."

"And you don't have to, Justin." She whispered. "Fears keep us alive. Don't you understand? Fear of violence, from disease, about to lose someone. That is human, and an instinct. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. We will get through this together. As we always do. Breath, please." She said in a soft calming voice and it worked. My heartbeat slowed down a bit, my breathing became regular. "Look at me." She whispered, holding my face between her small hands. Our eyes meet. Hers filled with warmth and love, my probably with fear and weakness.

"How should I look into her eyes?" I asked her in a whispered my voice hardly audible. "It's his mother. And I'm the one who has done this to her son. Who has done this to her."

"Do you wanna tell her the truth?" (YN) asked me and I froze.

"How?" I asked. "How am I supposed to tell her that I'm the one who almost killed her son, the one you beat him up into a coma he probably won't ever wake up from?" I shivered my voice a shadow of itself.

"If you would tell her the truth...would it change anything about the situation in which her son, Dean is?" She asked me. Rationality is her strength in such situations. How does she do this again and again? I shook my head. "Okay. Would you be better off if she knew the truth?" And again, I shook my head. Perhaps my conscience would be adjusted by the load that I lie to her, but not the fact itself.

"It wouldn't change the fact that what happened, happened." I mumbled, while her hands run over my cheeks.

"Exactly. In her eyes you're the only friend, Dean's only friend. The only person who is good in Dean's life, even if it isn't true, but don't take that away from her. She needs you, us." (YN) said and everything made sense. She was right. "I'm not saying that it's okay to lie but at the moment, and in this situation you will not help her with the truth. Nobody is helped with the truth, Justin. Not now." She whispered as she got closer to me. We both were back on out feet hugging each other as the door opened. If she hadn't been with me, I would probably run away. We walked down the long, cold, white hallway passing some rooms. The tension could be felt in the air the closer we came to the room Dean was in.