Cureless (h.s)

Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

Emily's POV

My stomach is doing flips as I sit backstage with Tyler, Troye, Connor, Joey, Shane, Ingrid, and Hannah. They all seem completely fine about the panel we're about to do. But I guess I should be the only one nervous because I'm literally going to be telling the entire world about the vlog thing I'm going to do because my doctor told me that I... don't have much time left.

I'm gripping my microphone with so much force that my knuckles are turning white. I guess I'm pretty enveloped in my thoughts because Ingrid comes up to me and tugs on my hand towards the stairs of the stage where the rest are walking up. Ingrid seems to be all smiley and happy so I smile back whilst trying not to make it look too fake and follow behind her up the stairs.

The lights on the stage almost blind me at first, but my eyes adjust to them as I smile and wave at the crowd of people screaming each and every one of our names. I guess this is what the boys feel like all of the time. It is pretty cool to have people out there who admire you so much and I'm so thankful to have my own fans out there as well and the boys' fans to look out for them.

There are two couches on the stage, both white, that can fit three people comfortably, so we all sort of squeeze ourselves onto the furniture. I'm on the far right of the couch closest to the stairs because I was the last one on the stage and Ingrid is squeezed in next to me with Connor, and Troye. Hannah, Shane, Tyler, and Joey are on the other couch.

As soon as the screaming dies down, we all look at each other expectantly wondering who is going to speak first about what the topic of this panel is; How Youtube Changed Your Life.

So Tyler, being the most professional out of all of us, clears his throat and stands up, which causes more screaming from the crowd. I just smile politely and sit up straight whilst crossing my ankles. I really try to make a good impression, I do.

My mind wanders as I watch Tyler move from one end of the stage to the other, explaining our panel topic and speaking about his own personal experiences about how Youtube has changed the kind of person he is, and of course his coming out story. Half way through his speech, I become restless and straighten out my grey pleated skater skirt and my lace top. I can't help my squirming, it's what I do when I'm worried.

I'm the last to speak, so I have to sit through another five half hour long speeches after Tyler's before it's my turn. It's not that I don't want to listen to all of my friends' speak about how Youtube has helped them become the person they are today, I'm just dreading my turn because I have no idea how everyone will react. You never know in this world.

After Tyler is Connor, then Shane, Joey, Ingrid, Troye, and Hannah. I almost started to cry during a few of the speeches and because I'm not ready to stand up in front of everyone and tell them about my situation. 

As the applause for Hannah fades away and the crowd starts murmuring and whispering to each other, I wipe my clammy palm on my skirt and look at all of my friends who are turned towards me and smiling encouragingly. Ingrid pats my shoulder lightly and I reluctantly stand up.

When I'm walking down center onto the stage, the crowd becomes dead silent. I can feel myself shaking as I look out onto all of the expectant faces.

You can do this, Emily.

I take a deep breath and smile, "I know that everyone who has spoken touched on the topic of their coming out story, but I hope none of you are disappointed that that's not why I'm here on this stage." The crowd laughs which calms my nerves, so I go on.

"Youtube for me has been my way of reaching out to you for the past many years of my life, and it has helped me express who I am. But today I'm here to tell you about my future here on Youtube because everything I planned on speaking about has already been explained just as well by everyone else here in this panel.