DEAR HARRY, | H.S.

Thirty-Five

Jamie

"That's kind of everything." Harry said.

We were sitting together on my small couch, Harry's hands were placed on both of his knees, his head was slightly hung solemnly. I sat rigid next to him, our thighs barely touching.

I wondered how he could process being lied to about Nadine's pregnancy when I couldn't even process it myself. Part of me still resented him for leaving and that hurt. I was an idiot to think any less of him. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling I felt when he left and I was alone.

Drinking. Smoking. Partying. I did it all and I didn't regret all of it, but I knew a lot of the times it was stupid. I was drinking myself out of my feelings for Harry or at least attempting to.

I still couldn't believe I had Jake over last night. I knew we had done stuff, but I know for sure I didn't sleep with him. I don't think I could, no matter how drunk I was. I just hoped he didn't take this as an invitation back into my life. Clearly it was a minor (major?) lapse in judgement last night and I couldn't do anything about it.

I wondered when Harry was going to ask me about Jake. I was almost certain he'd run into him and now that we were having a serious conversation I'm sure it would come up eventually.

"I didn't want to leave you, Jamie." He said snapping me out of my own thoughts.

Of course he didn't want to leave me, he just thought he was about to be a father. Stop being a jerk, Jamie.

"I'm so sorry she did that to you." I told him. I wasn't sure what else to say. I couldn't form many words right now.

"I ran into Jake."

SHIT.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

"Actually, my fist ran into his face."

"It what?" I coughed and turned to him, wide eyed.

"I punched him." He said simply as he rubbed his knuckles.

I cracked a smile, a smile that turned into laughter.

For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing. When I finally looked at Harry, he was trying not to crack a smile, clearly still trying to have a grown up conversation.

But I couldn't stop laughing, my peaceful Harry punched Jake.

My Harry.

I stopped laughing.

Was he my Harry?

My laughing came to a halt and my smile faded, he noticed as he turned to face me a little more. He brought one leg up on the couch.

"What happens now?" I asked him, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Well, the tour is over in a month. We will be on winter break, you know promoting the new album and what not." He said with tender eyes, looking at me like I was about to fall apart.

Well, I guess I was.

What he asked me next caught me by surprise.

"Are you seeing Jake again?"

My hand jolted to rest on his shoulder, it took a moment for my mind to catch up with the movements of my body.

"No, I'm not." I began quickly, "I drunkenly invited him to my after party last night. He slept in the bathtub."

Harry couldn't hide the smile as he looked down as he played with his black, worn out sock.

"I'm going to be very busy, Jamie." He looked up to me again.