Heartbeat

Help You Forget; Sanity

Songs of the chapter-


Through the dark by One Direction (I think it describes this chapter greatly)

Nightingale by Demi Lovato

Made to love by Toby Mac (Dedicated to a suggestion in the comments)


Harry-


I convinced her to let me help her off the closed toilet seat after a while of sitting in complete silence with each other. I still don't know what to say, and she seems at a loss for words more than she ever is. I didn't even tell the group we are leaving because I knew they had another car to get home.

I just wanted to get her out of here. I led the way out of the club, her hand clutched in mine tightly as she trailed behind me.

When we are sat in my car, the place that usually seems so peaceful between us, things are painfully silent. All the good memories from this car run through my mind, and I add this new, sad one to the list.

When I hear her shaky breaths echo around the car, I knew she was still fighting back her tears. The tears that she has no idea the reason for being shed. I purse my lips and hold my breath as I lean my head against my steering wheel, my hands running over my face as I let out my held breath of oxygen.

I give myself a minute to adjust myself before looking up again. And when I turn to see Alex, her gaze is fixed on me, her eyes still glazed with tears. Our eyes remain on one another's, my lips parting to try and find words to speak. But then, she looks away and out her window. So I didn't say a word as I start my car. Maybe it's because I am just too apprehensive to say what I want to say, or maybe I just really don't know what to say anymore at all.


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Mature content soon. Some of you guys comment and say I make it too graphic (which I don't think I do, I've seen much worse and I try to keep it settle) so if you don't want to read, don't read :)


Alex-


I knew he finally figured it out.

He finally realized that there is something wrong with me. And it makes it all the worse that I don't even know what it is. Ever since that crash with Eleanor, that's what started it. I haven't had a nightmare about my mom and sister in years, and now I have them almost every night?

I've never been a person to cry easily, but now I can bawl my eyes out by just getting a little claustrophobic in a club?

And I thought about the possibilities of it being anxiety I'm dealing with, but I can't be sure. I know if I go back to the doctors, a therapist or anything in that matter, it will bring up even more memories. So maybe I'm just scared to get help. No, I am scared.

I come back to reality by the sound of Harry's loud, struggling engine cutting to a halt, and look up to see the apartment parking lot. It hurts to see his red rimmed eyes, to know that he was crying because of me. I've never seen him cry before, and I don't ever think I would want too again. It hurts too much.

Is that how he feels when I cry in front of him? Does it hurt him too?

I open my door when he opens his, and push my hair out of my face as I see him round the car to come to me. I take his hand that he holds out for me without a thought of apprehension, and let myself be selfish enough to feel better just at his touch.

"Do you want me to stay with you? Or would you rather me not...." Harry trails off when we reach our apartment doors.

I pull him into my apartment without answering him, and am a bit embarrassed as I stumble over my own feet a little due to the bit of alcohol that's still in my system. I think crying sobered me up a little though. Harrys hands secure on my waist to keep me stable as we walk to my bedroom, and I can tell his touch is withheld and apprehensive.

So once my bedroom door is sealed closed I take his face in my hands and kiss him tenderly, trying to show him that even though after all that had just happened, that I still love him even though he has done nothing wrong in any means. But I have a feeling that he thinks he does. He probably thinks that he should know how to help me.

He kissed me back, and his lips moved slow and rawly against mine even though I'm trying to kiss him in a way that's signaling I just want to be caught up in him to forget everything that's going on.

But by the way he reaches up his hands and places them on the sides of my face and holds it securely, it shows me that he's pouring his emotions into the kiss. The way his lips overlapped mine and moved against mine in such a slow manner, it gave me so many chills. My fingers play with the hem of his shirt to try and say I want it off.

"Slow baby, please, lets not rush." Harry whispers.

His voice still holds the raspyness from crying, and it makes my heart swell to know he doesn't want to rush this. He's patient, and that's something I love about him.

So I let him lead me to my bed, and I let him touch me in the way that only he has done. He undressed me so painfully slowly that it drove me insane, having me whimpering into his neck in record time. His touches were gentle, even more gentle then the first time we had sex if that is even possible. Wherever his hands rested upon me it set my skin aflame.

"You know I just want what's best for you right?" He asks from above me, his head dipping down to kiss my bare collarbones.

I nod my head, knowing that as a fact. Because I know when he tells me I should see someone he's only telling me what he thinks will help. And maybe it will, but I don't want to, or even want think about that right now. It's bugging my that he is still fully clothed, so I drag his shirt up his back to I can touch his skin as he peppers wet kisses upon the top of my chest.

When I feel his hands shimmy underneath my back I arch my back to grant him space to take off my bra. It surprises me at how comfortable I've become with being around him in my bare skin. Even now as the span of his hands travel down my sides and thighs insecure thoughts do not run through me head at all.

"I'm going to help you, even if I don't know just how I can yet." His lips are inches from mine, so I kiss them in answer, my heart beating like a drum against my rib cage.

"But I'm going to help you forget right now, even if its just for a little bit. I promise." He nods his head in confirmation against my forehead, his voice strained.

I trace my hands over his face as he unbuckled his pants with one hand, his other holding his weight. I help him tug the denim off his legs, desperate to have him fulfill his promise. As he pulls off his boxers I kiss his lips with hunger, feeling his nimble fingers blindly tugging down my underwear.

"Are you ready?" He mumbles against our moving lips.

I hum against the kiss and feel him nudge into me, shaking breaths tumbling into his mouth. Once he was inside me I instantly felt every negative thought about everything that's going on slip from my mind, and it was filled with him. When his face nuzzles into my neck, I get chills by the groans that vibrate out of his throat. I wanted his hands that are fisted beside my head to hold his weight up to secure me to his chest, and flood me in his warmth.

"God, baby, you're so perfect." His breath fans across my neck as he grunts against my skin.

I whimper and moan as he thrusts in and out of me, hips meeting mine in slow motions that had my head spinning. I wind my arms around him to pull him down to me, so I could feel his warmth even though both our skins are clammy already. When his arms wind around my back to pull me off the mattress with him I gasp, securing my hold around his neck to keep myself stable. Before I can gather what's happening his back is leant against my headboard, his hands gripping at my waist to hold me to his lap.

I felt at loss for what to do I this dominating position, but I feel his lips press to my forehead. "It's okay." He breaths out.

I moan aloud as he lifts me by my hips himself, a groan following from his lips as our hips slowly meet again.

"Holy- oh shit."

The curse word coming from him sends my cheeks to heat, although they are probably already flushed in a pink shade; something Harry always teases me about in a playful manner. When he lifts me up again I cry out in contentment, burying my face into his neck as he does it again. When I feel his hands leave my hips I continue to do it on my own, knowing I'm doing a good job at it by the grunts coming from the back of his throat as he smashes his lips against mine.

"Don't stop, don't stop." He whispers in a breathy huff, his lips pressing wet, lovable kisses to my collar bones.

I wanted to tell him that I won't stop, because I want to feel this complete all the time. Because I know that once he's gone from me, I will feel like a part of me is missing and I still won't be able to figure out what's going on with me. But with him right here, with me, securing me in him and making me feel whole, making me feel normal.....none of that mattered. Not one bit of it.

Because he is my sanity.





Did any of you watch the boys on the X Factor? They were so good!

Comment to tell me what you think and vote? :)

I hope this was longer than the last few chapters, sorry for any spelling or grammar errors I didn't go over it much but I will tomorrow to fix things that may have been incorrect