Smokin Gun

Flashback: Memories and Regrets: Part II

August 2011

Stephanie's POV

I looked down at the package that had been in our mailbox like it was a ticking time bomb. I knew the handwriting that wrote my name as well as my own. I'd seen it countless times over the years. From letters, yearbook signings, my cast on my ankle when I was seventeen, and random sticky notes with goofy sayings. I still got a random text at least once a day even now.

Luckily David was gone to Atlanta for a meeting the next couple days. I had pulled in our driveway at almost dark from a long day at work then an evening class. I gathered my stuff and walked into the house. Between school, work, and wedding planning I was exhausted. Kolby was going out to Alabama for a show this weekend and had tried to get me to go but I had firmly refused.

I just couldn't do it. I wish they would see that. It had taken everything I had in me to go to Nashville last month. To see those clear green eyes knowing they wouldn't last. I sat everything on the couch after cutting on the lights and locking the door. I kicked my shoes off and tore open the package to pull the CD out with shaking hands. Jesse had told me they had added a few new songs on the deluxe copy while amping up a few of the others.

Supposed to be an album release party coming up. I had already told Ben and Kolby both repeatedly I wouldn't be there. They all kept me informed on what was happening even if I didn't want to know sometimes. I walked over and slipped the CD in our DVD player so I could play it loud.  Was how I had listened to the first one and would continue to do with every one he put out. Only thing missing was B pacing back and forth waiting to see what I would say.

I curled up on the couch and felt a pang hit my heart as his voice echoed through the empty house. My favorite cocky, loudmouth, bad ass was hitting the country world by storm with this one. I may be missing the shows now, but I had been getting personal concerts for years. Used to piss him off so bad when I would steal his song book and flip through it then make him sing it for me, no matter how rough it was.

I had requested and heard "My Kinda Party" a million times before Jason Aldean had ever seen it. Made me grin any time I heard it on the radio. I had gotten to know Jason since but I still preferred B and just a guitar singing it. The nights David was gone out of town for business I fell asleep with Modern Day Prodigal Son in the CD player to help me sleep.

I automatically skipped over "Halfway to Heaven". I just couldn't listen to that one and relive that again. When I got to the part of the CD with the newer songs I skipped around a little. Something in my gut just told me to save number fourteen for last. "Hell on an Angel" was my favorite of the three saw far.

At the opening to "You Don't Know Her Like I Do" I perked my ears up to listen intently. Further into the song I got, I felt the cracks in my already broken heart break open again. Seriously you son of a bitch I thought as I listened to the words. Yet another one about her. Hope this one kicked her in the teeth when it came out. She'd cut me out too when she left because I was too close of a reminder of him. She's his best friend my ass. Guess I am the metaphorical old friend in this song because I told him on several occasions she wasn't worth it.

I started the song over and felt my temper spike so damn bad tears where falling down my cheeks unnoticed. Only one that can help him. Oh, you bastard I thought growling wiping at my face. I'd tried. I'm the one who stayed, picked his ass up I don't know how many times with no questions asked. Got glares from my damn fiancée for the middle of the night drunken calls. Held his hand the nights the whiskey would get to talking in the beginning and he missed her.

No one would ever understand, well apparently, I didn't either. I screamed and jumped off the couch and stalked to the entertainment center sobbing. I ejected the CD and broke it in half chunking the pieces at the wall with a yell. I collapsed into a sobbing mess in the middle of the floor pulling my knees up to my chest. Dammit, I just wished for once he felt about me like he did her.