Masterpiece {h.s}

9. Sad & Lonely

Four days. ninety-six hours. five thousand seven hundred and sixty minutes.
Four days, since I’ve talked to… well anyone. My mother is ignoring me, barely glancing at me when I go downstairs to grab something to eat. She’s been laying on the couch, drinking and sleeping. I haven’t texted Harry back and he hasn’t text me either. Not that I was expecting it, because he made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. 

Honestly, a small part of hoped that he would text me, I hoped that he would randomly text me a stupid joke to which I would say it wasn't funny, although it would have made me laugh. I miss him, I barley knew him, but I missed him. 
During the short time that I let him in, like I said countless times, the clouds weren't constantly hovering over me. For a second, he could make me forget that my life was an absolute mess, he would make me laugh, an honest laugh, when no one else could. 
I wish I could text him back, I wish I could apologize, but I know that things are better this way.

Instead, I've been trying to find that feeling that I had with him, by myself. I’ve been staying mostly in my room, trying to draw or paint. It use to be so easy to paint, I had countless drawings and paintings laying around in my room, but now, I can't find anything to draw.
Nothing came out of my attempt, only dark, bold circles, over and over again. I don’t know what to draw, I have no inspiration. I did try drawing what I was seeing but it ended up in a crumbled piece of paper under my bed. I've given up in trying to paint. Now, I don’t know what to do with my life and I’m watching the hours go by until I finally decide to do something with myself.

I was laying in bed when Meghan called me.

“Hello.” I answered, my voice hoarse from not talking in days.
“Anna? What happened?” she exclaimed through the phone.

I sighed. I didn’t think about it when I answered the phone. I should have known that Meghan would immediately understand that I wasn’t feeling well.

“I… I’m sick.” I lied.
“In the middle of summer?” she was doubting me. Of course she would, I was a horrible liar.
“Yeah, I think it’s the rain or something, I caught a cold.” I cleared my throat. “Why are you calling?”
“I just wanted to talk I guess.” she still sounded suspicious, but somehow she decided to let it go.

I could imagine her frown on the other end of the phone. She was probably sitting at her counter, a cup of tea and a book sitting next to her. Knowing her, she just finished reading, watching a movie or painting and she's going to tell me all about it. She had a big mouth and loved to talk. I never really had to say anything, Meghan often had a lot to say, and most of the time I was happy that I just had to listen. 

“Okay.” I answered after a while.
“So… what are you doing?”
“Laying in bed. You?”
“I just finished reading a book. It was wonderful!”

I couldn’t help but smile. Just like I predicted.
How much she knew me was sometimes unsettling but I never considered that I knew her just as much.

“What was it about?”

She spent the next thirty minutes explaining in details the book she just read. It was something about a man that doesn’t believe that love can last longer than three years. Apparently there were a lot of drugs and alcohol in that book. I don’t know, she was talking so fast I barely understood half of the story.

“I swear it was amazing!” she excitedly said
“Yeah yeah.” I slightly laughed.
“Anyway. How’s your mom? I tried calling earlier but she didn’t answer.”

Should I tell her that she's not going so good, that I’m worried about her? Should I tell her about her alcohol problem?

“Mom’s alright.” I lowly said. 
“Not very convincing with that tone.” she remarked. “Is she home?”
“I… uh… no… she…” I couldn’t come up with a lie fast enough and cursed myself for being such an horrible liar.
“Give her the phone, Anna. I want to talk to her.” She sounded so bossy that I got out of bed almost instantly. I've never seen Meghan angry, and I'm not exaggerating when I say never, but right now I could sense it. I barely said anything, but apparently the small bit of information that I gave her was enough for her to be angry.

I walked to the living room where my mom was laying on the couch, asleep.

“She’s sleeping, Meg.” I whispered.
“Wake her up.”
“I don’t think - “ I tried to change her mind but she cut me off.
“Anna. I want to talk to her.”

Once again, Meghan proved that when she had something in mind, she didn’t back off.

I reluctantly got closer to my mom and tried to wake her up delicately. She groaned and mumbled for me to leave her alone. I was about to tell Meghan, but apparently she had already heard it.

“Tell her I want to talk to her.” she insisted.
“Mom, Meghan wants to talk to you.” I repeated.
“Tell her I’m not here.”
“She knows you are.”

She grunted and snatched my phone from my hands.

“What?” she barked. Her voice too was hoarse. Probably because she just woke up, but most likely because she had drank a lot of alcohol.

I couldn’t hear what Meghan was saying but I could easily tell that my mom wasn’t liking it. Her expression went from annoyed to furious in a matter of seconds.

“You don’t know anything!” My mom yelled at Meghan.

Meghan had probably said something along the lines of "I know you're going through a rough time". I heard it enough to understand my mom's reaction. 

"No, you're not. She was my daughter, not yours. You don't even care Meghan, you're away in your big city living your life like nothing happened."

I knew that my mom would eventually say that to Meghan. 
Sometimes we forget that it's not just us that are suffering, other people knew Daisy too. But it feels like most of them have moved on, and we haven't. I don't know how, but I get why. You can't focus on someone's death, you have to keep going, but it seemed like my mom and I didn't know how to do that.

“Now, you’ve got Anna thinking that it’s also what she wants, but you don’t know shit!”

I took a step back as my mom glared at me, but I stayed silent. She was wrong. Yes Meghan insisted that I go, but she didn't force me, I willingly decided to go. I wanted to go. Now more than ever. As I was seeing my mom raging, I suddenly got scared that I would end up like that. I was already sad and lonely, I didn't want to become bitter and angry.

My mom kept yelling, and Meghan was too. I could hear her high pitched voice through the small receiver of my phone.

“Shut up!”

Before I could stop her, my mother was throwing my phone against the wall. Smashing it into several pieces. But I didn’t care, my mom was furiously crying in front of me. I didn’t know if I was supposed to walk to her and hug her or keep my distance. But when I saw the tension and anger leave her body to be replace by despair. I rushed towards her. Her knees gave up but I caught her in time. She hid her face in her hands and started crying.

I hugged her tightly. I didn’t know what Meghan said but I know that it  deeply affected my mom. I gently rubbed her back, trying to calm her down and she leaned onto my shoulder. She wasn't angry anymore, she wasn't bitter either.
This was her breaking point, she was now sad and lonely, like me. But I wouldn't let her be lonely, I would be there for her, and eventually, I knew that we could both get out of this constant sadness. 




. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Well apparently, Anna's mom likes to throw things.

Hi guys! I'm sorry that this chapter is short, but I wanted to post something since I can't post until Sunday (finals, ugh.). What do you guys think of the story so far? Do you like it? Anything you'd like to see happen? 
As always, thank you so much for the votes and comments. (I'm so close to 1k read omfg I can't believe it. I wasn't even expecting 200 when I started this, so it's really incredible to me.)

Don't forget to check out my tumblr : http://www.k-xrry.tumblr.com

I love you all, I'll post as soon as I can.
Karry x.