Love Letters and Literature

Show Time and Apologizing

I woke up to a soft tapping on my door and a voice that jolts me awake.

"If you want breakfast you better wake up," Thomas says and I run my hands over my eyes, smearing yesterday's mascara around.

"Thank you!" I call back before rolling off of the bed and getting my bathroom supplies from my bag.

I shower and shave, then get ready for the day. If I thought winter in North Carolina was cold, it's nothing compared to New York.

I make sure to really layer up before walking out of my room. I'm about to walk to the elevator when I see Michael leaning across the hall, waiting for me.

"So you've been hearing some things about me, haven't you?" He asks with a sigh and feel nervous. I really don't want to do this right now.

"Look, Michael..." I start but he pushes himself off of the wall and starts walking towards me, a serious expression on his face.

"I know the rumors, and they're my fault, but it's different with you," I roll my eyes but don't interrupt him.

"Yes I'm a player, and yes I've lead some girls on but I've never tried this hard before."

"Because no one has ever told you no, Remember?" I snap back. "And I didn't hear rumors, I talked to Gabbie. You slept with her between our first and second dates, how do you explain that?"

"I wasn't in love with you then, like I am now."

"Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"Something happened during Valentine's Day dinner that clicked inside of me. We actually talked for the first time and I felt my heart come to life. I'll admit, on our first date, I really just wanted in your pants." I scoff and step back from him but he closes the distance.

"You're more than just a pretty face, Sophia. You are so smart and strong and caring. You're the definition of a total package." Michael keeps pleading his case and I just listen, completely surprised by his words.

"Gabbie knew what I wanted, and she still agreed to do it. That shouldn't be my fault."

I honestly don't even know how to respond because as much as I want to stay mad at Michael, what he's saying does sound convincing.

"I don't mean to sound like a douche bag, Sophia, but if I just wanted to get laid I'd be talking to someone a hell of a lot easier than you. I finally feel something real for someone, and my past is coming back to bite me. That's just karma. I'll work hard to prove I'm not my past though."

Michael looks down at me with hopeful eyes.

"Well, as far as explanations go that's not terrible.." I mumble, my head and heart having conflicting feelings.

It's so much easier to hate Michael, that way I don't feel guilty about rejecting him. If he does truly love me I will feel even worse because I don't know if I'm capable of loving him back. My heart belongs to someone else and I'm afraid it always will.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain earlier, I think it was just easier to be mad at you than try to justify being in a relationship with you. I'm not a relationship kind of girl, and I guarantee that eventually you'd get tired of me,"

Michael opens his mouth to argue but I just continue.

"If I discover a new book series I have a habit of going missing for a few days until I've read through it like ten times. I'm not a very good cook and I don't like kids all that much either. I'm selfish and I'm not what one would call "wifey" material."

I shrug and wrap my arms around myself possessively for comfort.

"So I genuinely think your love it wasted on me."