Love Letters and Literature

Questions, Confessions, and Nirvana

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lie and try to pull my wrist free.

Thomas squeezes tighter and jerks me around to face him. He's so close that I can feel his breath on my face. I don't think I've ever seen a more volatile look in someones eyes before.

"Yes you do. You come at me, accusing me of lying, when you're the one whose been lying for months!"

His eyes cut into mine and I can feel my resolve breaking. My knees go weak, and my eyes burn with the threat of salty tears. I open my mouth to argue but nothing comes out except a fragile shell of my voice.

"I'm so sorry..."

Tears start to spill out and they won't stop no matter how hard I fight them. I have to grip the front of Thomas's shirt to keep from falling into a heap on the hotel floor.

Why is my body giving up so easily?

Through blurry eyes I watch as Thomas's face softens and turns from fury to pain.

"Why Sophia?" He asks in a begging tone. His hand that's not on my wrist grips my waist to help me keep from falling.

His eyes search mine for answers and it makes my want to cry even more.

I shake my head and whimper. "I know I shouldn't have. I know it was wrong, I just wanted to talk to you. It was just a crush. I didn't mean for it to turn into what it did." I start rambling with my trembling voice failing me every few syllables.

"No," Thomas responds, his own eyes turning red and threatening tears. "Why did you leave me?"

Then one single tear rolls down his face.

"What?" I whisper, confusion making my brain numb.

"And please don't tell me it was for Michael," Thomas adds and realization slaps me across my face.

"No of course not," I reply. "I lied. There was no one else. I'm so so sorry. Thomas. It just had to stop. I had to make you hate me. That was no way to live."

"Do I look like I'm living to you?" Thomas groans. "I've been so miserable these last few weeks. I've hardly slept. You were all that gave me happiness. When you decided to cut me off I felt so worthless. You ripped my heart out and set it on fire, Sophia."

I cringe, guilt and sorrow crippling me.

"I broke my own heart too Thomas! But I did it so you could have a real future instead of being stuck on someone you could never touch. What's the point of loving you if I can never have you? I wanted to forget you. I know it's selfish but -"

"You love me?" Thomas suddenly stiffens as he breaks my rant.

"Yes," I reply softly.

I can see a storm brewing behind Thomas's blue irises. If looks could kill I'd be six feet under by now.

After several seconds of silence Thomas finally speaks, his deep voice like silk as he shatters every barrier between us.

"Forgive me, Sophia, but I don't think I can follow those damn rules anymore."

Suddenly I feel the cold and rough texture of wallpaper collide against my bare back.

Thomas grabs my hip in one hand and my jaw in the other as he slams his hungry lips against my own.

My body erupts in complete nirvana and I grab him, holding him against me with all that I have.

His tongue dances across my bottom lip. I open my mouth, letting him in and tasting him fully for the first time.