i'm not the prettiest flower but i'll do

if he was happy once he could be happy again, right?

mood: no one believes me- kid cudi

Tuesday, September 4th 6:53 am

Louis came downstairs earlier than usual, which he never did because he hated talking to his parents and profusely being asked to eat, but he had nothing else to do. All was fine with his parents, sure, but he just didn't like talking to them or anyone really. Though his relationship with his father was evidently rockier than the one with his mum, he still loved his parents- liked them at most. Across the table from where Louis sat was his dad who read his morning newspaper with his glasses hanging down his nose and occasional looks to his son. He dressed in a white button up with thin vertical and horizontal light blue lines tucked into black slacks and paired with black shoes. His mum sat next to her husband holding his hand and talking his ear off wearing an obnoxiously magenta shirt with blue jeans and white sneakers. But Charles barely paid attention, humming along whenever she'd ask him 'right honey', 'isn't that ridiculous', and anything along those lines. And Louis being the sympathetic person he is, he listened to his mum, never commenting, only listening since his dad wouldn't even do that.

As mentioned before, Louis' relationship with dad wasn't the best. When he was younger, Louis used to be so close with not only his parents but his entire family. However, his relationship with his dad was the closest until about age eight. His whole life changed on his eighth birthday to where now he hates celebrating it. It was the worst day of his life and ever since then he never wanted to celebrate his birthday ever again for as long as he lived. He used to be such a happy little boy: friendly to everyone, made friends with anyone, always shared, and always cared. God he was such a wonderful little boy with the sweetest smile, cutest giggle, and warmest hugs. Even after his eighth birthday he tried to remain positive, not only for himself but for those around him. At such a young age he was a people pleaser. He never wanted people to be upset because he was upset, so he tried to suppress all those feelings so everyone can remain happy. But year after year after year it gets exhausting. The fake smiles and forced laughs soon become hard to achieve when all you want to do is hide away and cry until you can't anymore.

The worse part of it all was how he couldn't even go to anyone about his troubles, not even his parents. The few times he went to his mum, he was too afraid to talk to his dad about it, she didn't want to believe him all the while believing him, because after all that was her son. What if he misinterpreted what actually happened since he was so young but at the same time, how do you misinterpret what happened to Louis? Especially after the numerous of times he'd come crying to her saying they're hurting him and he wants it to stop. She'd cry, sure, but it was always that 'what if' for her. Does that make her a bad mother? For not taking immediate action when her little boy would ball his eyes out almost everyday at such a young age? For never really doing anything about the situation?

And for Charles, well, Louis only confided in him once at age eleven since his mum didn't seem to care all that much. She cared, so so much, but she wasn't there when anything happened so how could she know for sure? But when Louis told his dad there was something different about his demeanor compared to his mum's. There was something in his eyes, even with Louis being as young as he was, he saw the hurt, guilt, and anger smashing against the brick wall that he fronted. It was as if with every second that passed, Louis could see more and more cracking in the wall, that maybe he understood and believed him, but his dad was quick to reject him and storm off. That night was when Louis knew he was alone, that no one would ever believe him and no one cared about him anymore.

Ever since that night with his dad, Louis slowly isolated himself from not only his family but the world by locking himself in his room all day and only leaving to go to school. He distanced himself from his friends, none of which cared all that much. No one really asked why he was sad all the time or why he didn't talk anymore or why he didn't sit with them at lunch or in classes. They just let him be, moving on with their lives and letting Louis do whatever it is he was doing. However, the only person who asked those questions and cared that he wasn't sitting with them at lunch and why he wasn't talking anymore was none other than Zayn. Everyday he'd ask what was going on but Louis never got too into it, afraid he wouldn't believe him either because his parents didn't, so why would a eleven year old? Then a few months later things happened between Louis and Zayn and their friendship was no longer, leaving him by his lonesome and cue the everlasting era of his bullying.