My Chemical Romance One Shots (complete)

My Story (P2)

Hi! It's been about six months since I originally came out to you guys, and I decided it was time for an update.

I started eighth grade this year, and immediately, I thought it was going to be horrible. I tried to keep an open mind because I don't like to always be negative, but I thought the news I was presented with would only lead to an awful year. During the summer, my mother informed me that she would not only forbid me to cut my hair short, but she was also going to prohibit me from wearing pants to school.

The entirety of this year so far, I have worn a girl's uniform.

At the beginning of the year, this was extremely stressful for me. But, luckily, I have found 'peace' (if you could call it that) within this situation.  It helped me discover exactly how I was going about this whole 'discovery' wrong. I found that although I thought I had accepted myself, I really had not. I always had a voice in the back of my head that told me that I really was just a girl and that I was just being dramatic or that I was lying to myself.

After discovering this, though, I learned to accept myself. It was one of the absolutely best feelings I have ever felt.

I found that because I wasn't accepting myself, I started to label my gender at the first sign that I received. Instead of feeling things out, I would immediately label myself as nonbinary or transgender. Then, because I had defined myself already as one of these orientations, I forced myself to fit into it. I think I could have avoided so much frustration if I had allowed myself to be who I felt I really was, and if I allowed myself to act, dress, etc. how I was feeling at the time. 

When I discovered that I was forcing myself into an orientation, I immediately tried to stop. Although I surprisingly found it hard to truly accept myself, I eventually did. I began to allow myself to act, dress, etc. how I was actually feeling. The only time that I couldn't do this was at school, which I had learned to endure.  This lifted so much stress off of my shoulders. 

Although I am not able to really 'act' how I want to (I cannot bind, wear a boy's uniform, etc.) I still feel so much better now that I express myself to the fullest extent that I currently can.

I am telling you all this is because of many reasons. The first being that on part one of this story I received many comments saying that people were also struggling with gender identity.  I do understand that this isn't some cure to dysphoria, but it did help me, and I want to help as many people as I can. 

Also regarding the comments, I got many messages of support from people. I would sincerely like to thank everyone who supports and accepts me, whether they express it or not. It truly means so much to me to be open about things like this and not get shot down. I wasn't expecting any support at all, really. So, to get messages still about how people accept me and understand my struggle means the world to me. 

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Anyways, that is currently the position I am in. I can say that I really have no clue what I identify as (to be honest, felling things out has caused me to be even more confused), but I am still genuinely enthusiastic about going on this journey. 

I wish you all well, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to message me. : )