Ready to run

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Hello, Hello! First of all, thank you for 400 followers! I hope you're gonna have a good day after this chapter cause we're making progress my friends. 🧚🏻‍♀️
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I was sitting in a chair outside on the terrace. The sun was shining on my face and I had closed my eyes. I enjoyed the rest because I was alone. At that moment everything seemed very peaceful.

It was just before sunset. So it was not so hot anymore, rather pleasantly warm. So I don't risk a sunburn. Aunt Hannah was shopping with Michael. Nick was in our room doing whatever. I didn't know where Alec was.

We haven't talked to each other since he hit Nick two days ago. He didn't even look at me anymore. I felt bad, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. Alec was not my boyfriend, but I felt like I had cheated on him. Maybe he feels that way too.

I didn't talk to Nick very much either. After confessing his feelings to, I didn't know how to deal with it. I liked Nick, very much so, but is that really love? When I think of Alec, I feel different. How do I know which of the two feelings is the right one?

Last night we were just lying back to back in bed. None of the three of us said a word. Not even good night. Nick and Alec don't talk to each other either, of course. It was all my fault. Why did I have to say that? Why did I even allow him to kiss me?

I don't know when we're going back. After all, it's all complicated right now, because Jace really wants Alec to meet Izzy. Alec doesn't want that, but I didn't know how he wanted to prevent it. He can't just run away, can he? Well, maybe, he did that to me.

"Are you enjoying the last rays of the sun?" Hannah's voice asked me. I opened my eyes a little and saw that she was back. I smiled a little and nodded. She sat next to me and sighed. "Have you already spoken to Alec?" she asked.

Hannah wasn't angry with Alec. She didn't say anything to him, just helped Nick with his bleeding nose. I would have expected her to get angry and kick him out, but she didn't. It was almost as if she was ignoring it. Not even Michael said a thing.

"No, I don't know what to say." I answered. She leaned back and turned her face to the sun, like I did. "I'm sorry again, you know, that he freaked out." I apologized and she shrugged.

"Oh, don't worry." she answered. "Alec is definitely a wonderful person. Love sometimes does things to people and they have no control over it." she explained to me. I sighed.

"Well, it's definitely over now." I said. She shook her head determinedly.

"You know, Magnus, you don't see many things that others see." she explained to me. "Your story is far from over." she said. But I wish it would all end though.

"How was the shoppingtour?" I asked to get off the subject. She grinned.

"Oh it was great." she answered. "I met an old friend I talked to her, so Michael was pretty annoyed." she explained and I laughed. I could imagine that pretty well. "Tell me more about Celine." she said now. "I think it's crazy that you guys are still best friends." I grinned.

"Well, our paths never parted." I explained. "She was always there and I'm really happy about that." I explained to her. She knew Celine, after all I have known her for ages. "I don't know what I would do without her." I added.

"You know-" she started, but stopped when her phone vibrated. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at the display. She seemed to get nervous and got up. She answered and cleared her throat.

"Hello." she said tensely. Who was this call from? "Mhm." she said. "OK." she answered. I wanted to know what they were talking about. I saw tears forming in her eyes. Oh no. "Okay, yes I understand that." she said in an increasingly breaking voice. "Thank you." she said and hung up.

"Who was that?"I asked and suddenly she started to cry. I got up in a hurry and hugged her. She sighed. I had a guess and I didn't like it. "Was that the hospital?" I asked and let go of her to look at her. She nodded.

"They found out he was brain dead. They will turn off the devices." she sighed uncontrollably. "He will die." she said. It was like a slap in the face. I felt tears too. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Instead, I hugged Hannah again. "My brother will die." she said and I stroked her head to calm her down. I had a hard time suppressing the tears, but I wanted to be strong.

"I am so sorry." I said and shortly afterwards Michael came looking at us confused. I let go of Hannah so that she could go to Michael. Michael seemed to know immediately and looked at her sadly. Now he took her in his arms, while she was still crying uncontrollably.

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It was late in the evening and I was lying on my side in bed with the covers up to my mouth. It was dark and Nick was probably already asleep. Tears flowed down my cheek because now I could finally let it all out. Now that I was alone and Hannah was already asleep.

She was pretty much done and I can understand it. They seemed to get along very well, even if it wasn't the case back then. It just shows me that he has changed. And it shows me that we could have had a relationship if only I hadn't come so late.

Even if I haven't seen him in ages, it hurt to lose him now. Who knows what we could have experienced in the future. Maybe at some point I would have children and he would take care of them if I had to work. Maybe someday I would get married and he would be there. All of this is no longer possible. Nick tried to comfort me too, but I pretended that it wasn't so bad for me, which is why we concentrated more on Hannah.

I winced when I noticed someone was crawling under the blanket. I lay with my back to the person so that I could not see anything. I felt two arms gently wrapping around me and as strange as it sounded, I could recognize Alexander by his smell.

He snuggled up to me and I could feel his breath on my neck. I closed my eyes gently. What did he do? And why? Wasn't he mad at me? And where was he all day?

"I'm so sorry for your loss." he whispered softly. I sobbed quietly to myself. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there." he added. So he knew, but from where? Maybe Michael told him.

"I'll be an orphan." I whispered and I could feel him give me a gentle kiss on the back of my neck. I got goose bumps. The closeness he just gave me was all I needed.

"But you are not alone." he let me know. "I'm here." he said, pressing me close to her. „And I'll always be here." he added. I breathed in his scent, because who knows when we'll be that close again.

"Thank you." I sighed. I noticed I was getting tired and slowly falling asleep in Alec's arms.

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Next chapter: I want to kiss you, just me.